Kirk D.'s favorite quotes

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: author, book, humorist, poet, wit

500 people liked it

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor, money

318 people liked it

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: beauty, classic-insult, humor, ugly

341 people liked it

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

162 people liked it

"(When asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

tags: horticulture, prostitution, wordplay

162 people liked it

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

147 people liked it

"What fresh hell is this?"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

138 people liked it

"They sicken of the calm who know the storm."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: women

118 people liked it

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."
— Dorothy Parker

111 people liked it

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

105 people liked it

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

75 people liked it

"Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: sex

67 people liked it

"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!"
— Dorothy Parker

60 people liked it

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor

50 people liked it

"Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: friendship

58 people liked it

"So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
-- Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead."
— Dorothy Parker

55 people liked it

"I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things."
— Dorothy Parker

43 people liked it

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die (but alas we never do)!"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

38 people liked it

"Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

tags: humor

32 people liked it

"The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: empty-nest, humor, motherhood, parenthood, parenting

33 people liked it

"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor, lingerie

30 people liked it

"In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.

But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you."
— Dorothy Parker

35 people liked it

"His voice was as intimate as the rustle of sheets."
— Dorothy Parker

29 people liked it

"If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: classic-insult, harvard, humor, naughty, yale

28 people liked it

"I wish I could drink like a lady.
I can take one or two at the most.
Three and I'm under the table.
Four and I'm under the host."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: drinking

27 people liked it

Kirk D.'s quotes

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