"Once a month, some women act like men act all the time."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"Stupidity cannot be cured with money money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity."
— Robert Heinlein Lazarus Long

"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."
— Jim Butcher (Storm Front)

"In name of the Pizza Lord. Charge!"
— Jim Butcher (Summer Knight)

"“Honest to god, Clare, you act like the dress is more important than you being shot!”
“Of course it is! It’s a Versace, you idiot! Bring help! I’m going to save this dress at all costs.” - Sam to Clare"
— Katie MacAlister (Even Vampires Get the Blues)

"Never let your fiend off his leash unless there's lots of room to run (and no people around)."
— MaryJanice Davidson

""It's inappropriate for the queen of the dead to be afraid of
ghosts.""
— MaryJanice Davidson (Undead and Unemployed)

"Bob the Skull: You know how confusing the whole good-evil concept is for me."
— Jim Butcher (Proven Guilty)

"When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching -- they are your family. "
— Jim Butcher

"Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar"
— Jim Butcher (Dead Beat)

"The building was on fire, and it wasn’t my fault."
— Jim Butcher (Blood Rites)

"I died. I died and someone made a clerical error and I am in Heaven."
— Jim Butcher

"I had to smile at the man. I mean, you have to smile at idiots and children."
— Jim Butcher (Fool Moon)

"Harry, what you know about women, I could juggle."
— Jim Butcher

"Polka will never die."
— Jim Butcher (Dead Beat)

"Let's sum up: an unknown number of enemies with unknown capabilities, supported by a gang of madmen, packs of attack animals, and superhumanly intelligent pocket change."
— Jim Butcher

"There's more magic in a baby's first giggle than in any firestorm a wizard can conjure up, and don't let anyone tell you any different."
— Jim Butcher (Fool Moon)

"Most of the bad guys in the real world don't know that they are bad guys. You don't get a flashing warning sign that you're about to damn yourself. It sneaks up on you when you aren't looking."
— Jim Butcher

""You're in America now," I said. "Our idea of diplomacy is showing up with a gun in one hand and a sandwich in the other and asking which you'd prefer.""
— Jim Butcher (Turn Coat)

"It's all right to be afraid. You just don't let it stop you from doing your job."
— Jim Butcher (Fool Moon)

"This is what it look like when it WORKS?"
— Jim Butcher (Cursor's Fury)

"The human mind is not a terribly logical or consistent place."
— Jim Butcher (Turn Coat)

"“I should warn you, I’m an expert on vampires. I’ve seen every episode made of Buffy, Angel, and Forever Knight, so don’t think a little fang-flashing is going to scare me.” – Nell to Adrian

“Oh, my God! You bit me on the leg! You drank my blood! I am not an appetizer!” You are much more then an appetizer. You are a twelve-course banquet. – Nell & Adrian

I slid my tongue around the glossy enamel of his teeth, pausing to stroke down the length of an elongated canine tooth.
Yeah. I know. How stupid is it to French kiss a vampire and not expect sharp teeth? – Nell"
— Katie MacAlister (Sex, Lies and Vampires)

"Hoo! You're like a giant mood ring! I wonder if I can make different colors show up depending on where i touch you
- Nell Harris"
— Katie MacAlister

""What do you know about dragons?"
"They're big, scaly, four-legged creatures with wings who terrorized small villages until a virgin was offered up as a sacrifice."
His grinned again. "I do miss the virgins.""
— Katie MacAlister (You Slay Me)

"How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face. You kick them in the body where it doesn't show."
— Janet Evanovich (High Five)

"Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch"
— Janet Evanovich (Seven Up)

"Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me"
— Janet Evanovich

"my professional aspiratons were simple-I wanted to be an intergalactic princess."
— Janet Evanovich

"Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still..."
— Janet Evanovich

"Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry."
— Janet Evanovich

"I am not menopausal. I just wanted half an hour alone. Is that too much to ask? A crappy half hour!"
— Janet Evanovich

"I wasn't dating anyone. I was fornicating with Batman."
— Janet Evanovich (Hard Eight)

"'I see you looking at my cookies,' my father said to Morelli. 'Don't even think about it. Go get your own cookies.'"
— Janet Evanovich (Twelve Sharp)

"Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you."
— Janet Evanovich

"You're a lunatic. You ran me over with a goddamn Buick."
— Janet Evanovich (One for the Money)

"Some men go a lifetime and never have their kid blow up a car, but I have a daughter who's knocked off three cars and burned down a funeral home. Maybe that's some kind of record."
— Janet Evanovich (Four to Score)

""If she wasn't your grandmother I'd shoot her."
Ranger"
— Janet Evanovich (Hot Six)

""Saved by the grandma"
Ranger"
— Janet Evanovich (Hot Six)

""Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?"
"It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army."
"I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant."
My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.
My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.
"That's sort of a joke," I told Grandma. "Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life."
I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile."
— Janet Evanovich (Three To Get Deadly)

""I have bad car juju."
-Stephanie Plum"
— Janet Evanovich (Plum Spooky)

"Happens to me all the time...People are always underestimating my dumbness."
— Janet Evanovich (Motor Mouth)

"I'd bitch slap the devil for you."
— Janet Evanovich

"One Ranger is all you'll ever need. - Ranger"
— Janet Evanovich (Twelve Sharp)

"No woman ever ages beyond eighteen in her heart."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot..."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it's more sanitary."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"Geniuses and supergeniuses always make their own rules about sex as on everything else; they do not accept the monkey customs of their lessers."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"My old man says when it's time to be counted, the important thing is to be man enough to stand up."
— Robert A. Heinlein (Between Planets)

"What are the facts? Again and again and again – what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what “the stars foretell,” avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable “verdict of history” – what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!"
— Robert A. Heinlein