Amy's quotes

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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: cry, crying, experience, happiness, joy, life, optimism, sadness, smile, smiling
14,373 people liked it

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
11,758 people liked it

"The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, philosophy, science
90 people liked it

"Imagination is more important than knowledge"
— Albert Einstein

tags: albert, einstein, facts, imagination, science
102 people liked it

""I am not sure of the weapons that will be used in WW III, but I know in WW IV we will use sticks and stones..." "
— Albert Einstein

tags: albert, einstein, future, war, wisdom
23 people liked it

"you do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, explain, grandma, inderstand
9 people liked it

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
— Bill Gates

tags: humor, work
3,656 people liked it

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
— Charles M. Schulz

tags: chocolate, food, humor
2,811 people liked it

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity
2,422 people liked it

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor
1,991 people liked it

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"
— Albert Einstein

tags: creativity, humor
1,941 people liked it

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, writing
1,524 people liked it

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

tags: humor
1,744 people liked it

"Edward - I wasn't about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.
Bella - So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?
Edward - Why is the plane crashing?
He was trying to hide a smile now.
Bella - The pilots are passed out drunk.
Edward - Easy. I'd fly the plane.
Of course. I pursed my lips and tried again.
Bella - Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth.
Edward - I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.
I stared at him wordlessly.
"What?" he whispered."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

tags: humor
1,409 people liked it

"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?"
— Henry Ward Beecher

tags: books, humor
1,211 people liked it

"Here’s the thing… I’ve already gone crazy once. I know what my limits are."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

tags: crazy, humor
1,202 people liked it

"So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

1,151 people liked it

"When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off."
— Stephen King (Storm of the Century: An Original Screenplay)

tags: god, humor, religion
884 people liked it

"Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

tags: flirting, humor
733 people liked it

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
— Steven Wright

tags: amnesia, humor, memory
734 people liked it

"I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: heaven, humor
859 people liked it

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

tags: humor
654 people liked it

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather - have some respect.

- Bella Swan"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

tags: humor, truck
577 people liked it

"What did you do to this?" He asked in a horrorstruck voice.
"It didn't want to come out of the dashboard."
"So you felt the need to torture it?"
"You know how I am with tools. No pain was inflicted intentionally."
He shook his head, his face a mask of faux tragedy."You killed it."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

tags: humor
560 people liked it

"Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until your forehead bleeds."
— Douglas Adams

tags: craft, humor, writing
588 people liked it

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."
— Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail
716 people liked it

"Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.

Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.

Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor.

Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban)

tags: humor
581 people liked it

"Does my being half-naked bother you?" - Jacob Black"
— Stephenie Meyer (Breaking Dawn)

tags: humor
474 people liked it

"Bella: Did you know that 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob? His name is 'Shut the hell up.'"
— Stephenie Meyer (Breaking Dawn)

tags: breaking, dawn, humor, sarcasm
515 people liked it

"Is that what you dream about? Becoming a monster?
Not exactly. Mostly I dream about being with you forever.
"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

tags: twilight
486 people liked it

"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature"
— Dave Barry

tags: humor
508 people liked it

"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

tags: humor
417 people liked it

"Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch"
— Janet Evanovich (Seven Up)

tags: humor
359 people liked it

"'Amazing,' Edward muttered. 'How can someone so small be so annoying?' ..Alice laughed. 'It's a talent!'"
— Stephenie Meyer

tags: humor
314 people liked it

"I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"."
— Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me)

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership
406 people liked it

"“Meow” means “woof” in cat. "
— George Carlin

tags: animals, cats, dogs, humor, language
317 people liked it

"As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway."
— Bill Watterson (The Indispensable Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: humor
323 people liked it

"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."
— Jerry Seinfeld

tags: dance, humor, music, radio, shower
319 people liked it

"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
— George Carlin

tags: humor
342 people liked it

""And you are worried, not because you're headed to meet a houseful of vampires, but you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"
"That's right," I answered immediately, hiding my suprise at his casual use of the word.
He shook his head. "You're incredible""
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

tags: humor, romance, twilight
267 people liked it

"The capacity for friendship is God's way of apologizing for our families."
— Jay McInerney (The Last of the Savages)

tags: family, friendship, humor
307 people liked it

"No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.
"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"
"What?"
"Oh, you'd like something simpler?"
— Terry Pratchett (Night Watch)

tags: absurd, humor, interrogation, police
252 people liked it

"So what? All writers are lunatics!"
— Cornelia Funke (Inkspell)

tags: humor, writing
237 people liked it

"You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!"
— Lauren Myracle (ttfn)

tags: funny, humor, waffles
214 people liked it

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

tags: confidence, humor, ignorance, knowledge
220 people liked it

"Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy, humor
294 people liked it

"Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: absurd, beauty, conceit, humor, love
230 people liked it

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. "
— Fran Lebowitz

tags: algebra, education, humor, mathematics
206 people liked it

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

tags: humor
173 people liked it

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?'"
— Bill Watterson

tags: humor
200 people liked it

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