"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

"So many books, so little time."
— Frank Zappa

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
— Mark Twain

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor

"One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining."
— Garrison Keillor

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."
— Albert Einstein

"'Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read."
— Mark Twain

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
— Charles Dickens

"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."
— Ayn Rand

"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house."
— George Carlin

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."
— George Carlin (When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?)

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity."
— George Carlin

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm."
— George Carlin

"Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Life is pain, highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"As you wish."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Dread Pirate Roberts: Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Too much of a good thing can be wonderful! "
— Mae West

"Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively."
— Dalai Lama XIV

"If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun."
— Dalai Lama XIV

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)