"A good plan isn't one where someone wins, it's where nobody thinks they've lost."
— Terry Pratchett

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
— Douglas Adams

"To absent friends, lost loves, old gods, and the season of mists; and may each and every one of us always give the devil his due."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists)

"'How can anyone be afraid of love?'
'How can they not?' His face was completely aghast. 'When you love someone... truly love them, friend or lover, you lay your heart open to them. You give them a part of yourself that you give to no one else, and you let them inside a part of you that only they can hurt-you literally hand them the razor with a map of where to cut deepest and most painfully on your heart and soul. And when they do strike, it's crippling-like having your heart carved out. It leaves you naked and exposed, wondering what you did to make them want to hurt you so badly when all you did was love them. What is so wrong with you that no one can keep faith with you? That no one can love you? To have it happen once is bad enough... but to have it repeated? Who in their right mind would not be terrified of that?'"
— Sherrilyn Kenyon (Devil May Cry)

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

"This is what it look like when it WORKS?"
— Jim Butcher (Cursor's Fury)

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should. - Acheron Parthenopaeus"
— Sherrilyn Kenyon

""Patience to the spider""
— Sherrilyn Kenyon (Acheron)

"I can believe things that are true and things that aren't true and I can believe things where nobody knows if they're true or not.

I can believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Beatles and Marilyn Monroe and Elvis and Mister Ed. Listen - I believe that people are perfectable, that knowledge is infinite, that the world is run by secret banking cartels and is visited by aliens on a regular basis, nice ones that look like wrinkled lemurs and bad ones who mutilate cattle and want our water and our women.

I believe that the future sucks and I believe that the future rocks and I believe that one day White Buffalo Woman is going to come back and kick everyone's ass. I believe that all men are just overgrown boys with deep problems communicating and that the decline in good sex in America is coincident with the decline in drive-in movie theaters from state to state.

I believe that all politicians are unprincipled crooks and I still believe that they are better than the alternative. I believe that California is going to sink into the sea when the big one comes, while Florida is going to dissolve into madness and alligators and toxic waste.

I believe that antibacterial soap is destroying our resistance to dirt and disease so that one day we'll all be wiped out by the common cold like martians in War of the Worlds.

I believe that the greatest poets of the last century were Edith Sitwell and Don Marquis, that jade is dried dragon sperm, and that thousands of years ago in a former life I was a one-armed Siberian shaman.

I believe that mankind's destiny lies in the stars. I believe that candy really did taste better when I was a kid, that it's aerodynamically impossible for a bumble bee to fly, that light is a wave and a particle, that there's a cat in a box somewhere who's alive and dead at the same time (although if they don't ever open the box to feed it it'll eventually just be two different kinds of dead), and that there are stars in the universe billions of years older than the universe itself.

I believe in a personal god who cares about me and worries and oversees everything I do. I believe in an impersonal god who set the universe in motion and went off to hang with her girlfriends and doesn't even know that I'm alive. I believe in an empty and godless universe of causal chaos, background noise, and sheer blind luck.

I believe that anyone who says sex is overrated just hasn't done it properly. I believe that anyone who claims to know what's going on will lie about the little things too.

I believe in absolute honesty and sensible social lies. I believe in a woman's right to choose, a baby's right to live, that while all human life is sacred there's nothing wrong with the death penalty if you can trust the legal system implicitly, and that no one but a moron would ever trust the legal system.

I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."
— Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

"Life is a journey. Time is a river. The door is ajar"
— Jim Butcher (Dead Beat)

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

"It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it."
— Terry Pratchett

"Tavi grinned. "Are you with me?"
"The plan is insance," Ehren said. "YOU are insane." He looked around the inside of the tent. "I'll need some pants.""
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

""Crows," Maximus breathed. "Was that who I think it was?"
"Phrygiar Navaris," Tavi said, nodding.
"What was she doing here?" Max asked.
"Getting humiliated, mostly. Especially there at the end.""
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

"Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one."
— Terry Pratchett

"I died. I died and someone made a clerical error and I am in Heaven."
— Jim Butcher

"Of course Evil's afoot. If it had switched to the metric system it'd be up to a meter by now. "
— Jim Butcher

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."
— Terry Pratchett

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

"" Sure. My ego's had enough time to recover a modicum of dignity. Let's make sure we crush it again before i mistake myself for a god." -Acheron"
— Sherrilyn Kenyon (Acheron)

"I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."
— Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

"There is no point in using the word 'impossible' to describe something that has clearly happened."
— Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)

"'The impossible often has a kind of integrity which the merely improbable lacks.'"
— Douglas Adams (The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul)

"Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if may not eff it after all."
— Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)

"Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?"
— Terry Pratchett (Going Postal)

"A technicality I'm prepared to hide wildly behind."
— Jim Butcher (Storm Front)

""The Electric Monk was a labour-saving device, like a dishwasher or a video recorder... Electric Monks believed things for you, thus saving you what was becoming an increasingly onerous task, that of believing all the things the world expected you to believe."
"
— Douglas Adams (Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency)

"'How can you protect yourself by carrying a sword if you don’t know how to use it?’
'Not me, sir. Other people. They see the sword and don’t attack me,’ said Maladict patiently.
'Yes, but if they did, lad, you wouldn’t be any good with it,’ said the sergeant.
'No, sir. I’d probably settle for just ripping their heads off, sir. That’s what I mean by protection, sir. Theirs, not mine. And I’d get hell from the League if I did that, sir.'"
— Terry Pratchett (Monstrous Regiment)

"The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues."
— Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

""Many women have earned titles, Your Grace. It doesn't seem to have been a factor in whether or not they actually received them.""
— Jim Butcher (Academ's Fury)

"The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

""You never get a straight answer from captains. You should know that by now.""
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

""If you shoot, I will kill her before I die."
"Yes," Kitai said in a patient tone. "Which is why I have not shot you. Yet.""
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

"There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist."
— Terry Pratchett

"Polka will never die."
— Jim Butcher (Dead Beat)

""I've never lost a duel to the death. Not one.""
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

""If I stay, they'll kill me... If I go, at least everything that wants me dead won't be taking it personally.""
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

""Do you want your blood to stay where it is sochar-lar?"
Tavi lifted both eyebrows at the unfamiliar word, and glanced at Varg.
"Monkey," Varg supplied, in Aleran. "And male-child."
"He called me monkey boy?" Tavi asked."
— Jim Butcher (Captain's Fury)

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

"Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal."
— Neil Gaiman

"In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the
cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat
could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
-- Schrodinger's Moggy explained"
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes)

"And what would humans be without love?"

"Rare," said Death."
— Terry Pratchett (Sourcery)

"I would like to see anyone, prophet, king or God, convince a thousand cats to do the same thing at the same time."
— Neil Gaiman

"Each person who ever was or is or will be has a song. It isn't a song that anybody else wrote. It has its own melody, it has its own words. Very few people get to sing their song. Most of us fear that we cannot do it justice with our voices, or that our words are too foolish or too honest, or too odd. So people live their song instead."
— Neil Gaiman (Anansi Boys)

"Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time."
— Neil Gaiman (Anansi Boys)

"What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?"
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes)

"There's never been a true war that wasn't fought between two sets of people who were certain they were in the right. The really dangerous people believe they are doing whatever they are doing solely and only because it is without question the right thing to do. And that is what makes them dangerous."
— Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

"People with weaknesses get killed by the people who lack them. Notice I'm not dead."
— Sherrilyn Kenyon

"But he did not understand the price. Mortals never do. They only see the prize, their heart's desire, their dream... But the price of getting what you want, is getting what you what you once wanted."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 3: Dream Country)