Evelyn's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 499)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

tags: dance, heaven, hurt, inspirational, life, love, sing
15,556 people liked it

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
11,637 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,485 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,227 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
5,788 people liked it

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious
5,240 people liked it

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
— Bill Gates

tags: humor, work
3,624 people liked it

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life
2,673 people liked it

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer"
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, wit
1,393 people liked it

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz

tags: humor, inspirational
1,557 people liked it

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind."
— William Shakespeare (A Midsummer Night's Dream)

tags: love
2,761 people liked it

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"
— Albert Einstein

337 people liked it

"What really alarms me about President Bush's 'War on Terrorism' is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is 'Terrorism' going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender."
— Terry Jones

tags: bush, bushism, grammar, politics, terrorism
20 people liked it

"Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things."
— George Carlin

89 people liked it

"If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?"
— George Carlin

tags: multiple, personalities
76 people liked it

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating …and you finish off as an orgasm."
— George Carlin

98 people liked it

"I don't have pet peeves - I have major psychotic fucking hatreds."
— George Carlin

96 people liked it

"Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school."
— George Carlin

66 people liked it

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"
— George Carlin

tags: humor
70 people liked it

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."
— George Carlin

tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
1,332 people liked it

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
— George Carlin

tags: dance, dancing, music
921 people liked it

"“Meow” means “woof” in cat. "
— George Carlin

tags: animals, cats, dogs, humor, language
313 people liked it

"I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it."
— George Carlin

tags: religion
103 people liked it

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? " She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
— George Carlin

tags: books, bookstores, self-help
143 people liked it

"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
— George Carlin

tags: atheism
89 people liked it

"It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel."
— Woody Allen

tags: absurd
245 people liked it

"To you, I'm an atheist.
To God, I'm the loyal opposition."
— Woody Allen

tags: absurd, atheism, humor
364 people liked it

"If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."
— Woody Allen (Annie Hall)

126 people liked it

"Eighty percent of success is showing up."
— Woody Allen

tags: success
119 people liked it

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
— Woody Allen

tags: sex
113 people liked it

"Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing."
— Woody Allen

tags: sex
108 people liked it

"Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right."
— Woody Allen

tags: sex
178 people liked it

"The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it."
— Woody Allen

tags: sex
190 people liked it

"God is silent. Now if only man would shut up."
— Woody Allen

tags: god, humor, mankind, silence
175 people liked it

"Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem."
— Woody Allen

94 people liked it

"Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything."
— Kurt Vonnegut

157 people liked it

"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: fact-
209 people liked it

"And so it goes..."
— Kurt Vonnegut

364 people liked it

"Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse-Five)

318 people liked it

"A purpose of human life, no matter who is controlling it, is to love whoever is around to be loved."
— Kurt Vonnegut (The Sirens of Titan)

tags: life, love
159 people liked it

"If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my epitaph:
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED
FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD
WAS MUSIC"
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: blues, god, life, music
526 people liked it

"We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: creativity, invention, quip, wings, writing
379 people liked it

"Dance Like No One is Watching...
Love Like You Have Never Been Hurt Before...
Go to Work Like You Don't Need The Money."
— Kurt Vonnegut

178 people liked it

"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."
— Kurt Vonnegut

375 people liked it

"The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humor, politics
379 people liked it

"Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you've been to college."
— Kurt Vonnegut (A Man Without a Country)

tags: college, semicolons, writing
331 people liked it

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be."
— Kurt Vonnegut (Mother Night)

tags: action, attitude, choice, imagination, inspiration, life, pretend
955 people liked it

"Dear future generations: Please accept our apologies. We were rolling drunk on petroleum."
— Kurt Vonnegut

213 people liked it

"If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way to make life more bearable."
— Kurt Vonnegut (A Man Without a Country)

138 people liked it

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
— Mark Twain

tags: individuality, majority, minority, pause, reflect, wisdom
5,994 people liked it

« previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 next »

Evelyn's profile »

all quotes
add a quote

Evelyn's quotes

tags from Evelyn's quotes