"Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal."
— Neil Gaiman

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore it knows it's not fooling a soul."
— Neil Gaiman (American Gods)

"Tomorrow may be hell, but today was a good writing day, and on the good writing days nothing else matters."
— Neil Gaiman

"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men. "
— Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)

"You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes)

"I know that David Tennant's Hamlet isn't till July. And lots of people are going to be doing Dr Who in Hamlet jokes, so this is just me getting it out of the way early, to avoid the rush...
"To be, or not to be, that is the question. Weeelll.... More of A question really. Not THE question. Because, well, I mean, there are billions and billions of questions out there, and well, when I say billions, I mean, when you add in the answers, not just the questions, weeelll, you're looking at numbers that are positively astronomical and... for that matter the other question is what you lot are doing on this planet in the first place, and er, did anyone try just pushing this little red button?"
— Neil Gaiman

"What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?"
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes)

"Libraries are our friends"
— Neil Gaiman

"Lucifer protests he was never to blame for inducing anyone to sin, and that he’s never had an interest in owning souls: 'They die, and they come here – having transgressed against what they believed to be right – and expect us to fulfill their desire for pain and retribution. I don’t make them come here… I need no souls. And how can anyone own a soul? No, they belong to themselves. They just hate to have to face up to it.'"
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 4: Season of Mists)

"All around me darkness gathers,
Fading is the sun that shone,
We must speak of other matters,
You can be me when I'm gone

Flowers gathered in the morning,
Afternoon they blossom on,
Still are withered in the evening,
You can be me when I'm gone."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

"Librarians are the coolest people out there doing the hardest job out there on the frontlines. And every time I get to encounter or work with librarians, I'm always impressed by their sheer awesomeness."
— Neil Gaiman

"I am hope."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes)

"I was the kind of kid whose parents would drop him off at the local town library on their way to work, and I'd go and work my way through the children's area."
— Neil Gaiman

"The ducks in St James's Park are so used to being fed bread by secret agents meeting clandestinely that they have developed their own Pavlovian reaction. Put a St James's Park duck in a laboratory cage and show it a picture of two men -- one usually wearing a coat with a fur collar, the other something sombre with a scarf -- and it'll look up expectantly."
— Neil Gaiman (Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch)

""Rule number one: Don't fuck with librarians." "
— Neil Gaiman

"I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well that explains a lot about the DC Universe.""
— Neil Gaiman

"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"Good. Illegal is always faster. (Butler, Artemis Fowl's bodygaurd)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception)

""Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient."
(Artemis Fowl)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here?
Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB.
Foaly: The EIB?
Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl 1-3.)

"You wouldn't know a clue if it danced in front of you with a T-Shirt that read 'I'm a clue'"
— Eoin Colfer

"Listen to me, goblin. You're stupid, let's accept that and move on."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

"You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you."
— Eoin Colfer

""Who are you?" he asked.
"I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.""
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox)

"If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony)

"I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order ? la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

"Lord Raoul asked me to tell you that if you get yourself killed, he will never speak to you again."
— Tamora Pierce

"If you've a story, make sure it's a whole one, with details close to hand. It's the difference between a good lie and getting caught."
— Tamora Pierce (Trickster's Choice)

"When people say a knight's job is all glory, I laugh and laugh and laugh. Often I can stop laughing before they edge away and talk about soothing drinks."
— Tamora Pierce

"Every now and then I like to do as I'm told, just to confuse people."
— Tamora Pierce (Melting Stones)

""When in doubt, shoot the wizard.""
— Tamora Pierce

"I distrust any advice that contains the words 'ought' or 'should'."
— Tamora Pierce

"Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it."
"Evvy and I have an understanding." She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. "She tells me the truth, and I don't hang her in the first well we come to. It's a solution that works tolerably well for both of us."
— Tamora Pierce (Melting Stones)

"Does anyone in this land act like they're supposed to?"
— Tamora Pierce

"'What's dry?' 'Good question. Next question!'"
— Tamora Pierce

"This may be my only chance to see humans before these two are made into fertilizer for Moonwind's rosebushes."
— Tamora Pierce

"Touchstone watched, suddenly conscious that he probably only had five seconds left to be alone with Sabriel, to say something, to say anything. Perhaps the last five seconds they ever would have alone together.
I am not afraid, he said to himself.
"I love you," he whispered. "I hope you don't mind.""
— Garth Nix (Sabriel)

"'Please,' said Lirael . . . 'I think I would like to work in this Library.'
'The Library,' repeated Sanar, looking troubled. 'That can be dangerous to a girl of fourteen. Or a woman of forty, for that matter.'"
— Garth Nix (Lirael: Daughter of the Clayr)

"Five Great Charters knit the land

Together linked, hand in hand

One in the people who wear the crown

Two in the folk who keep the Dead down

Three and Five became stone and mortar

Four sees all in frozen water."
— Garth Nix

"When the dead do walk seek water's run,
for this the Dead will always shun. Swift river's best or broadest lake
to ward the dead and have and make.
If water fails thee, fire's thy friend,
if neither guards it will be thy end."
— Garth Nix