"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"As you wish."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha..."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Dread Pirate Roberts: Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?...Morons."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"You're the one who is weak. You will never know love or friendship. And I feel sorry for you."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"It takes much bravery to stand up to our enemies but we need as much bravery to stand up to our friends."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

"Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

"Ginny!" said Mr. Weasley, flabbergasted. "Haven't I taught you anything? What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps it's brain?"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

"Holey? You have the the whole world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

"I DON'T CARE!" Harry yelled at them, snatching up a lunascope and throwing it into the fireplace. "I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE"
"You do care," said Dumbledore. He had not flinched or made a single move to stop Harry demolishing his office. His expression was calm, almost detached. "You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"You could say sorry," suggested Harry bluntly.
"What, and get attacked by another flock of canaries?" muttered Ron.
"What did you have to imitate her for?"
"She laughed at my mustache!"
"So did I, it was the stupidest thing I've ever seen."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

"My parents are going to kill me!"
"That seems rather harsh..."
— Garth Nix (Sir Thursday)

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Lord of the Rings)

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

""May the hair on your toes never fall out" "
— J.R.R. Tolkien

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Hobbit: Or There and Back Again)

""at the time, King Herbert felt that to remain safe, the kingdom needed an effective intelligence force."

"An intelligent force?" said Will.

"Not intelligent. Intelligence. Although it does help if your intelligence force was also intelligent.""
— John Flanagan (The Ruins of Gorlan)

""Sirrah, my companion chooses to engage you in knightly combat!" Halt said. The horseman stiffened, sitting upright in his saddle. Halt noticed that he nearly lost his balance at this unexpected piece of news.
"Nightly cermbat?" he replied, "Yewer cermpenion ers no knight!"
Halt nodded hugely, making sure the man could see the gesture.
"Oh yes he is!" he called back. "He is Sir Horace of the Order of the Feuille du Chene." He paused and muttered to himself, "Or should that have been Crepe du Chene? Never mind."
"What did you tell him?" Horace asked, slinging his buckler around from where it hung at his back and setting it on his left arm.
"I said you were Sir Horace of the Order of the Oakleaf." Halt said to him, then added uncertainly, "At least, I think that's what I told him. I may have said you were of the Order of the Oak Pancake.""
— John Flanagan

" "That taught us how to block a sword with two knives. But what if an ax man's coming at me?"
Gilan looked suspicious. "An ax man? I don't recommend trying to block an ax with two knives."
But Will wouldn't take no for an answer. "But what if he's charging at me?" Horace walked over.
Gilan looked away. "Uh...shoot him."
Horace intervened. "Can't, his bowstring's broken."
Gilan gritted his teeth. "Run and hide."
Will kept on him. "There's a sheer cliff behind me."
Horace caught on. "There's a sheer cliff behind him, and his bowstring's broken. What should he do?"
Gilan thought for a moment. "Jump off the cliff, it'll be less messy that way."
"
— John Flanagan (The Burning Bridge)

"You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.

It's really funny."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians)

"Personally, I say, "Out of the frying pan and into the deadly pit filled with sharks who are wielding chainsaws with killer kittens stapled to them." However, that one's having a rough time catching on."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones)

"Personally, I like it much better when someone else does the decision making. That way you have legitimate grounds to whine and complain. I tend to find both whining and complaining quite interesting and amusing, though sometimes--unfortunately--it's hard to choose which one of the two I want to do.
Sigh. LIfe can be so tough sometimes."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones)

"Regardless, I often wish that the two groups - adults and kids - could find a way to get along better. Some sort of treaty or something. The biggest problem is, the adults have one of the most effective recruitment strategies in the world.

Give them enough time, and they'll turn any kid into one of them."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener's Bones)

"Remember, despite the fact that this book is being sold as a 'fantasy' novel, you must take all of the things it says extremely seriously, as they are quite important, are in no way silly, and always make sense.

Rutabaga."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians)

"If you don't believe what I'm telling you, then ask yourself this: would any decent, kind-hearted individual become a writer? Of course not."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians)

"By now, it is probably very late at night, and you have stayed up to read this book when you should have gone to sleep. If this is the case, then I commend you for falling into my trap. It is a writer's greatest pleasure to hear that someone was kept up until the unholy hours of the morning reading one of his books. It goes back to authors being terrible people who delight in the suffering of others. Plus, we get a kickback from the caffeine industry..."
— Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians)

"There are two types of people in this world. People who hate clowns...and clowns. (Bobby Pendragon)"
— D.J. MacHale (The Quillan Games)

"At least I thought it was a wall. It sure felt like one. It was hard. It was flat. It stretched out on either side of me. You know... wall."
— D.J. MacHale (The Quillan Games)

"This is the way it was meant to be"
— Pendragon

""I went to the four levers. None of them were marked. There was only one way to figure out which one was the right one. I had to call upon all my Traveler experience and special powers to figure it out. It's called...Eenie, meenie, miney...mo!"
-Bobby Pendragon"
— D.J. MacHale

"It wasn't that I didn't trust Mark's flying, it was just that, okay, I didn't trust Mark's flying."
— D.J. MacHale (The Soldiers of Halla)

""I'm sorry I hurt your hand...with my face."
-Bobby Pendragon
"
— D.J. MacHale

"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"Good. Illegal is always faster. (Butler, Artemis Fowl's bodygaurd)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception)

""Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient."
(Artemis Fowl)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl Boxed Set)

"A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

""Who are you?" he asked.
"I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Mistress Koboi for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as Aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming, and so on.""
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Time Paradox)

"I don't like lollipops.

-Artemis Fowl Jr."
— Eoin Colfer

"I am unarmed. But Butler here, my ...ah...butler, has a Sig Saucer in his shoulder holster, two shrike-throwing knives in his boots, aderringer two-shot up his sleeve, garrotte wire in his watch, and three stun greanades concealed in variouse pockets. Anything else, Butler?"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

"It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself."
— Lemony Snicket

"Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear."
— Lemony Snicket (The Carnivorous Carnival)

"The moral of Snow White is never eat apples."
— Lemony Snicket

"This is my knife. It is very sharp and very eager to hurt you."
— Lemony Snicket (The Reptile Room)