Alyssa's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 231)

"I'd bitch slap the devil for you."
— Janet Evanovich

36 people liked it

"I'm telling you, it's fu**ing hard to be classy"
— Janet Evanovich (One for the Money)

35 people liked it

"How many times have I told you not to hit people in the face. You kick them in the body where it doesn't show."
— Janet Evanovich (High Five)

27 people liked it

"'Is there anything else you need from me' Ranger asked.

'Not right now.'

'There will come a time,' Ranger said. 'Let me know when.' And he disconnected.

I opened the freezer and stuck my head in to cool off. If there'd been any more innuendo in that conversation, I could have fried an egg on my forehead."
— Janet Evanovich (Fearless Fourteen)

28 people liked it

"I looked over at him. 'Is that a proposal?'

There was total silence for a couple beats. 'I'm not sure. It just popped out.'

'Let me know when you're sure.'

'Would you say yes?' Morelli asked.

'I'm not sure.'"
— Janet Evanovich (Fearless Fourteen)

18 people liked it

"Maybe next time we just open the door and start out with some bitch slapping."
— Janet Evanovich (Three To Get Deadly)

13 people liked it

""She'll be back," Ranger said. "But not tonight."
[Stephanie] "How'd you get her to leave?"
"Told her I was gonna spend the next twelve hours ruining you for all other men, and so she might as well go home."
I could feel the heat rush to my face.
Ranger gave me the wolf smile. "I lied about it being tonight," he said."
— Janet Evanovich (Four to Score)

tags: humor, ranger, romance
24 people liked it

"Thinking very often resembles napping, but the intent is different. --Stephanie Plum"
— Janet Evanovich (Seven Up)

tags: evanovich, intent, napping, plum, sleeping, stephanie, thinking
17 people liked it

""I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate."
Grandma Mazur"
— Janet Evanovich (Four to Score)

16 people liked it

"I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum"
— Janet Evanovich (Two for the Dough)

tags: evanovich, exercise, humor, plum, stephanie
17 people liked it

"Mooner was walking around laying his hands on the cars, divining karma. "this is it", he said, standing by a small khaki-colored jeep."this car has protective qualities"
"You mean like a guardian angel?"
"I mean, like, it has seatbelts""
— Janet Evanovich (Hot Six)

tags: humor
10 people liked it

"He [Ranger] stopped in front of my parents' house, and we both looked to the door. My mother and my grandmother were standing there, watching us.
"I'm not sure I feel comfortable about the way your grandma looks at me," Ranger said.
[Stephanie] "She wants to see you naked."
"I wish you hadn't told me that, babe."
"Everyone I know wants to see you naked."
"And you?"
"Never crossed my mind." I held my breath when I said it, and I hoped God wouldn't stike me down dead for lying."
— Janet Evanovich (Hard Eight)

tags: ranger, romance
20 people liked it

"Just because i know how to change a guys oil doesn't mean i want to spend the rest of my life on my back, staring up his undercarriage."
— Janet Evanovich (Metro Girl)

9 people liked it

"The elevator doors opened, and Ranger stepped out and spied Tank stretched out on the carpet.
"Fainted," I said.
Ranger walked to Tank and stood hands on hips, staring down at him. "Tank doesn't faint. I've been in firefights with him. He's a rock."
"Well, the rock fainted.""
— Janet Evanovich (Fearless Fourteen)

14 people liked it

""If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office." -Ranger"
— Janet Evanovich (Eleven on Top)

tags: humor, ranger, romance
12 people liked it

"Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake."
— Janet Evanovich (Eleven on Top)

tags: cake, humour
11 people liked it

"Happens to me all the time...People are always underestimating my dumbness."
— Janet Evanovich (Motor Mouth)

12 people liked it

"'It's a penis,' Grandma said. 'Stephanie got it in the mail. It's a pretty good one too.'"
— Janet Evanovich (Two for the Dough)

6 people liked it

"'This is war,' I yelled through the door.
'Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.'"
— Janet Evanovich (Two for the Dough)

8 people liked it

"God's a busy guy. He don't have time to micromanage. What are the chances he heard that? It's early in the morning. He's probably having breakfast with Mrs. God."
— Janet Evanovich (Motor Mouth)

7 people liked it

"I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times."
— Janet Evanovich (Three To Get Deadly)

23 people liked it

"'Are you telling me you think Ranger's a superhero?'
'Think about it. We don't know where he lives. We don't know anything about him.'
'Superheroes are make-believe.'
'Oh yeah?' Lula said. 'What about God?'"
— Janet Evanovich (Three To Get Deadly)

4 people liked it

"Is that a bulletproof vest? See, now that's so insulting. That's like saying I'm not smart enough to shoot you in the head."
Eddie DeChooch"
— Janet Evanovich (Seven Up)

tags: humor
367 people liked it

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: be-yourself, confidence, individuality, those-who-matter
18,251 people liked it

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

tags: dance, heaven, hurt, inspirational, life, love, sing
16,079 people liked it

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: cry, crying, experience, happiness, joy, life, optimism, sadness, smile, smiling
14,762 people liked it

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,073 people liked it

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world."
— Mahatma Gandhi

tags: action, change, inspirational, philosophy, wish
11,546 people liked it

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
— Maya Angelou

tags: life
11,246 people liked it

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."
— Marcus Tullius Cicero

tags: books, soul
11,170 people liked it

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: confidence, inspirational, wisdom
10,440 people liked it

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: dreams, love, reality, sleep
10,426 people liked it

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
— Mark Twain

tags: lies, lying, memory, truth
9,431 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,572 people liked it

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
— Albert Camus

tags: friends, friendship
9,476 people liked it

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

tags: best, life, love, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst
10,773 people liked it

"So many books, so little time."
— Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor
9,383 people liked it

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
— Abraham Lincoln

tags: wisdom
9,285 people liked it

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough"
— Mae West

tags: humor, life
8,885 people liked it

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
— Mahatma Gandhi

tags: carpe-diem, education, inspirational, learning
8,101 people liked it

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference."
— Elie Wiesel

tags: activism, apathy, hate, indifference, love, opposite, philosophy
7,167 people liked it

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
7,585 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
5,900 people liked it

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
— John Lennon

tags: beatles, fate, life, planning, plans
6,921 people liked it

"Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they're put in hot water."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: women
7,009 people liked it

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

tags: darkness, drive-out, hate, inspirational, light, love, peace
6,960 people liked it

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
— Robert Frost

tags: life
7,147 people liked it

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
— Mark Twain

tags: literacy
6,110 people liked it

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

tags: accomplishment, be-yourself, conformity, individuality, world
6,892 people liked it