"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

"They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now"
— Edna St. Vincent Millay

"Do you know how sometimes - when you are riding your bike and you start skidding across sand, or when you miss a step and start tumbling down the stairs - you have those long, long seconds to know that you are going to be hurt, and badly?"
— Jodi Picoult (My Sister's Keeper)

""Before I sleep and after I wake up and all the hours in between ... you occupy my mind. So, practically every moment of the day you are in my thoughts. I miss you.""
— Unknown Person

"Missing someone, they say, is self-centered.
I self-center you more than ever."
— Saša Stanišić

"I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved."
— Shana Abé

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?"
— Chris Rock

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."
— Mae West

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
— W.C. Fields

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

"I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early."
— Charles Lamb

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made."
— Groucho Marx

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
— Robin Williamson

"Basically, I have two speeds.... Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice."
— James Patterson (Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports)

"I have great faith in fools - my friends call it self-confidence."
— Edgar Allan Poe

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please."
— Mark Twain

"Just because you're beautiful and perfect, it's made you conceited."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
— Steven Wright

"You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."
— Jon Stewart

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
— George Carlin

"If you ride both sides of the fence, all you're gonna get is a wedgie."
— a great PHILosopher

"The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised."
— George F. Will

"If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes."
— Chuck Palahniuk

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."
— Mae West

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: 'Duh.'"
— Conan O'Brien

"There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers."
— Chelsea Handler (My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands)

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
— Steven Wright

"This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic."
— Terry Pratchett

"Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?"
— Marilyn Monroe

"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
— George Carlin

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
— George Carlin

"A wise man once said: Ask a woman."
— Random

"Sometimes I think I must have a Guardian Idiot. A little invisible spirit just behind my shoulder, looking out for me...only he's an imbecile."
— Spider Robinson (Off the Wall at Callahan's)

"Almost everything strange washes up near Miami. "
— Rick Riordan

"There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva"
— Josh Groban

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
— Oscar Wilde

"They say the secret of success is being at the right place at the right time, but since you never know when the right time is going to be, I figure the trick is to find the right place and just hang around."
— Bill Watterson

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. "
— Dave Barry

"If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them."
— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)

"In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks."
— Bill Watterson

"I love you and it's getting worse."
— Joseph Morris

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"
— George Carlin

"You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years."
— Chris Rock

"Gas Attendant: "Thata ain't no etch-a-sketch. Thats one doodle that can't be un-did home skillet.""
— Diablo Cody (Juno: The Shooting Script)

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
— Jeff Foxworthy

"As I am sure you know, when people say "It's my pleasure", they usually mean something along the lines of, "There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less."[...]"
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

"When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
— Cory Doctorow

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. "
— George Carlin

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss