Lifesavers2's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 89)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. FIRE YOUR LAZER LIKE DR. OCTAGONOPUS JUST CAME OUT OF A RANDOM CRATE IN FRONT OF YOU.
IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZER! BLAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
— Kendall Ravey

tags: humor
1 person liked it

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
— Bill Gates

tags: humor, work
3,852 people liked it

"Whoever watches Discovery TV must love explosions. Anyone who loves explosions must love radioactivity. Anyone who loves radioactivity is dead within 36 minutes."
— Kendall Ravey

tags: death, humor
2 people liked it

"No matter what peole say, infinite is as big as you want it to be."
— Kendall Ravey

tags: inspirational
1 person liked it

"If you don't know who Bill Gates is, the next time someone will notice you will be 49 years after you die when they search on the next big search engine for "lamest people never heard of" or "how to be unsuccessful"."
— Kendall Ravey

tags: business, humor
1 person liked it

"Use Mac laptops; they dont burst into flames when you search "Is Bill Gates Stupid?"."
— Kendall Ravey

tags: humor
1 person liked it

"I'm cooler than you. WAAAY cooler."
— Bill Gates

23 people liked it

"You've got guts, kid. You've got guts.
But not when I'm done with you."
— Kendall Ravey

tags: humor
1 person liked it

"I notice that people mostly mispell words at the end of a sintance."
— Kendall Ravey

3 people liked it

"Internet memes are not overrated; YOU ARE!"
— Kendall Ravey

tags: humor
1 person liked it

"I've noticed that the people who call me a nerd have an IQ of under 10."
— Kendall Ravey

4 people liked it

"For 52% of my math problems, the answer is 3.33 repeating; and i frankly dont get it."
— Kendall Ravey

1 person liked it

"When you fake-cough to hide something, it is louder and more attention-catching than whispering."
— Kendall Ravey

1 person liked it

"I am so cool becuase I wrote a book. IN YOUR FACE PPLS"
— KENDALL

1 person liked it

"Here is a hypothetical: if you are out on an island hundreds of miles away from land, what do you do:
a:die
b:begin a search for resources(see a)
c:STOP WASTING YOUR LIFE ON FRICKN' HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS! YOU'RE LYING TO YOUR BRAIN!"
— Robert DeMouy

tags: death
1 person liked it

"If you hear a bank is about to crash, take out as much loans you can, withdrawl all your money, and laugh in the bank's face untill they go out of business, instantly making you a multi-millionare."
— Kendall Ravey

tags: money
1 person liked it

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
— Oprah Winfrey

tags: buses, friends, limos, money, wealth
131 people liked it

"Beauty is a whore, I like money better."
— Michael Cunningham (The Hours)

tags: absurd, beauty, life, money
46 people liked it

"I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor, money, writing
39 people liked it

"You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants."
— Eddie Izzard

tags: humor, money, restaurant, salmon
10 people liked it

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: be-yourself, confidence, individuality, those-who-matter
18,774 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,815 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
6,025 people liked it

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, procrastination
5,765 people liked it

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

tags: deadlines, humor, work
5,473 people liked it

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious
5,600 people liked it

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

tags: humor, scifi
3,354 people liked it

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television
2,932 people liked it

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

tags: humor, proverb
2,066 people liked it

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
— Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
2,733 people liked it

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity
2,582 people liked it

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

tags: humor, movies
2,302 people liked it

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
— Charles M. Schulz

tags: chocolate, food, humor
2,995 people liked it

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields

tags: humor, sinister
2,100 people liked it

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

tags: humor
1,829 people liked it

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, writing
1,584 people liked it

"The Guide says that there is an art to flying,” said Ford, “or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor
1,214 people liked it

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor
1,707 people liked it

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.
There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

tags: humor
1,389 people liked it

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
— Oscar Levant

tags: genius, humor, insanity
1,737 people liked it

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz

tags: humor, inspirational
1,698 people liked it

"You always get weirdos like Edward who seem to attract women for some reason. If Edward wasn’t a fictional character and you met him in reality he is like one of those guys who would probably be an axe murderer or something."
— Stephenie Meyer (The Twilight Saga)

tags: twilight
5,707 people liked it

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, time
1,543 people liked it

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

tags: humor
5,880 people liked it

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humor, perspective, science
1,045 people liked it

"Oh well... I'd just been thinking, if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

tags: flirting, humor
774 people liked it

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
— W.C. Fields

tags: humor, success
958 people liked it

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor
1,084 people liked it

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch."
— Orson Welles

tags: food, humor
730 people liked it

"Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until your forehead bleeds."
— Douglas Adams

tags: craft, humor, writing
610 people liked it

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