"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough"
— Mae West

"Until they became conscious they will never rebel, and until after they have rebelled they cannot become conscious."
— George Orwell (1984)

"So long as they (the Proles) continued to work and breed, their other activities were without importance. Left to themselves, like cattle turned loose upon the plains of Argentina, they had reverted to a style of life that appeared to be natural to them, a sort of ancestral pattern...Heavy physical work, the care of home and children, petty quarrels with neighbors, films, football, beer and above all, gambling filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them in control was not difficult."
— George Orwell (1984)

"In past ages, a war, almost by definition, was something that sooner or later came to an end, usually in unmistakable victory or defeat. In the past, also, war was one of the main instruments by which human societies were kept in touch with physical reality. All rulers in all ages have tried to impose a false view of the world upon their followers, but they could not afford to encourage any illusion that tended to impair military efficiency. So long as defeat meant the loss of independence, or some other result generally held to be undesirable, the precautions against defeat had to be serious. Physical facts could not be ignored. In philosophy, or religion, or ethics, or politics, two and two might make five, but when one was designing a gun or an aeroplane they had to make four. Inefficient nations were always conquered sooner or later, and the struggle for efficiency was inimical to illusions. Moreover, to be efficient it was necessary to be able to learn from the past, which meant having a fairly accurate idea of what had happened in the past. Newspapers and history books were, of course, always coloured and biased, but falsification of the kind that is practiced today would have been impossible. War was a sure safeguard of sanity, and so far as the ruling classes were concerned it was probably the most important of all safeguards. While wars could be won or lost, no ruling class could be completely irresponsible."
— George Orwell (1984)

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
— Mark Twain

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
— C.S. Lewis

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

"I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours."
— Jerome K. Jerome

"Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it."
— Mark Twain

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."
— Kurt Vonnegut

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake!"
— Scott Adams

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity."
— Gilda Radner

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
— Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

"If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary."
— David Sedaris (Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays)

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone."
— Bill Cosby

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields

"If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales."
— Albert Einstein

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
— Apple Computer Inc.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss

"There are worse crimes than burning books. One of them is not reading them."
— Joseph Brodsky

"Give me a break." (Lennon's comment to fundamentalist Christian outrage at his comment that the Beatles were now more popular than Jesus)"
— John Lennon

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
— George Carlin

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
— Fats Domino

"What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?"
— Ursula K. LeGuin

"We read books to find out who we are. What other people, real or imaginary, do and think and feel...is an essential guide to our understanding of what we ourselves are and may become."
— Ursula K. LeGuin

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
— Oscar Wilde

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."
— Oscar Wilde

"Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car."
— Garrison Keillor

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be."
— Douglas Adams

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison

"You have to write the book that wants to be written. And if the book will be too difficult for grown-ups, then you write it for children."
— Madeleine L'Engle

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."
— Charles M. Schulz

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."
— Jane Austen

"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
— Mark Twain

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."
— Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

"When I have a little money, I buy books; and if I have any left, I buy food and clothes."
— Desiderius Erasmus Roterodamus

"It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter."
— Marlene Dietrich

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."
— Oscar Wilde

"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored."
— Aldous Huxley

"Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous."
— Albert Einstein (The World As I See It)

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."
— Woody Allen