"A good friend will always stab you in the front."
— Oscar Wilde

"Who's the best person you know. Of all the people you know personally, is there anyone who has a sense of right and wrong and lives by it? This was a sticky question because it would have to be Ranger ...but I suspected he occasionally killed people. Only bad people, of course, but still..."
— Janet Evanovich

"I don't think he could ever be a serial killer. He's way too shy. That Ted Bundy guy, he was pretty outgoing , from what I heard. -Jess about Doug p. 107"
— Meg Cabot (When Lightning Strikes)

"What was I supposed to say?.....did I tell them the Master had the hots for me, so I'd probably be okay? -Anita"
— Laurell K. Hamilton

"Should I eat first or accuse the Master of the City of murder? Choices, choices. -Anita"
— Laurell K. Hamilton

"You smell of other peoples blood, ma petite. It was no one you know. -Jean Claude and Anita"
— Laurell K. Hamilton

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."
— Hunter S. Thompson

"Use your head; cut off theirs."
— Max Brooks (The Zombie Survival Guide)

"The thing about a cavity search is this: it has nothing to do with the dentist."
— Gordon Korman

"Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed. -- Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter"
— Laurell K. Hamilton (Blue Moon)

"Only cops and vampires have to have an invitation to enter."
— Christopher Moore

"Carlos: So, what, were they psychos, or...
Seth: Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a fuck how crazy they are! "
— Quentin Tarantino (From Dusk Till Dawn)

"I never knew what life was until it ran out in a red gush over any lips, my hands!"
— Anne Rice

"You use your tits the way a ninja assassin uses nunchuks."
— Shannon McKenna (Extreme Danger)

"He was a rock that she would break herself on."
— Shannon McKenna (Extreme Danger)

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?"
— Chris Rock

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it."
— Jack Handey (Deepest Thoughts: So Deep They Squeak)

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

"Life is a disease: sexually transmitted, and invariably fatal."
— Neil Gaiman

"You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes)

"[D]on't ever apologize to an author for buying something in paperback, or taking it out from a library (that's what they're there for. Use your library). Don't apologize to this author for buying books second hand, or getting them from bookcrossing or borrowing a friend's copy. What's important to me is that people read the books and enjoy them, and that, at some point in there, the book was bought by someone. And that people who like things, tell other people. The most important thing is that people read... "
— Neil Gaiman

"Birds are the last of the dinosaurs. Tiny velociraptors with wings. Devouring defenseless wiggly things and, and nuts, and fish, and, and other birds. They get the early worms. And have you ever watched a chicken eat? They may look innocent, but birds are, well, they're vicious. "
— Neil Gaiman (Anansi Boys)

"Everybody going to be dead one day, just give them time."
— Neil Gaiman (Anansi Boys)

"‘Name the different kinds of people,’ said Miss Lupescu. ‘Now.’

Bod thought for a moment. ‘The living,’ he said. ‘Er. The dead.’ He stopped. Then, ‘...Cats?’ he offered, uncertainly."
— Neil Gaiman (The Graveyard Book)

"There is nothing in this world that I want or need, but you."
— Nancy Werlin (Impossible)

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
— Douglas Adams (The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)

"'Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read."
— Mark Twain

"People love a happy ending. So every episode, I will explain once again that I don't like people. And then Mal will shoot someone. Someone we like. And their puppy."
— Joss Whedon

"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
— Winston S. Churchill

"Hoo! You're like a giant mood ring! I wonder if I can make different colors show up depending on where i touch you
- Nell Harris"
— Katie MacAlister

""Still it might be nice, once in a while, not to have to choose between evils. Just once, couldn't I choose the lesser good?" Anita Blake"
— Laurell K. Hamilton (Danse Macabre)

"If I let you get killed, the other body guards will make fun of me."
— Laurell K. Hamilton

"...one of the good things about being a woman is that my level of testosterone poisoning is lower than most men's."
— Laurell K. Hamilton (Obsidian Butterfly)

"I will love you always. When this red hair is white, I will still love you. When the smooth softness of youth is replaced by the delicate softness of age, I will still want to touch your skin. When your face is full of the lines of every smile you have ever smiled, of every surprise I have seen flash through your eyes, when every tear you have ever cried has left its mark upon your face,I will treasure you all the more, because I was there to see it all. I will share your life with you, Meredith, and I will love you until the last breath leaves your body or mine."
— Laurell K. Hamilton

""Zebrowski says that if you killed someone else just hide the body, he's not starting over on the paperwork"."
— Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams)

""I was just offered a contract on your life, for enough money to make it worth my while." It was my turn to be quiet.
"Did you take it?"
"Would I be calling you if I had?"
"Maybe," I said. He laughed.
"True, but I'm not going to take it."
"Why not?"
"Friendship."
"Try again," I said.
"I figure I'll get to kill more people guarding you. If I take the contract, I only get to kill you."
"Comforting...""
— Laurell K. Hamilton (The Killing Dance)

"Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself."
— Lois McMaster Bujold (A Civil Campaign)

" "You Might want to lie down," Magnus advised. "I find that it helps when the crushing sense of horrible realization sets in.""
— Cassandra Clare (City of Ashes)

"Tact is just lying for adults"
— Cassandra Clare

"You city boys and your psychologists. Just what we need, some fancy-pants lollygaggin' around telling us all how we need to get in touch with our inner child...I find that little inner bastard and I'll choke the shit out of him for the hell of it.

~ Jackal ~"
— Lora Leigh (Kiss of Heat)

"People are the most difficult thing in the world to change"
— Gena Showalter (Oh My Goth)

"Niall had been able to mask the odor of fairy from Eric in the restaurant, but I saw from the flare of Eric's nostrils that the intoxicating scent clung to me. Eric's eyes closed in ecstasy, and he actually licked his lips. I felt like a T-bone just out of reach of a hungry dog.
"Snap out of it," I said. I wasn't in the mood.
With a huge effort, Eric reigned himself in. "When you smell like that," he said, "I just wanna fuck you and bite you and rub myself all over you."
— Charlaine Harris

"I'm gonna kill him," Eve said, or at least that was what it sounded like filtered through the pillow.
"Stake him right in the heart, shove garlic up his ass, and-and-"

"And what?" (Michael)

"When did you get home?" Claire demanded.

"Apparently just in time to hear my funeral plans. I especially like the garlic up the ass. It's...different.""
— Rachel Caine (Feast of Fools)

"Never let your fiend off his leash unless there's lots of room to run (and no people around)."
— MaryJanice Davidson

"Finally, a human man saw me as intensely valuable. Just my luck he was happily married and thought I was a freak."
— Charlaine Harris (Dead and Gone)

"Hell's no proof of heaven."
— Chimo

"Where the hell do you get your nerve?
From a Cracker Jack box."
— Lora Leigh (Wicked Pleasure)

"Let's not get naughty.
How about homicidal instead
—Cam and Jaci"
— Lora Leigh (Wicked Pleasure)

"It's a good thing I'm a reasonably patient woman. Otherwise, I might have to kill you."
— Lora Leigh (Wicked Pleasure)

"I am not in the least forbidden. You may sample me all you choose."
— Lora Leigh (Wicked Pleasure)