"Equations are the devil's sentences."
— Stephen Colbert

"Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!"
— Stephen Colbert (I Am America: And So Can You!)

"Baby carrots are making me gay."
— Stephen Colbert (I Am America: And So Can You!)

"Nothing is miserable unless you think it so; and on the other hand, nothing brings happiness unless you are content with it."
— Boethius

"In a completely sane world, madness is the only freedom! "
— J.G. Ballard

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
— Oscar Wilde (Lady Windermere's Fan)

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
— Oscar Wilde

"There are in this world blessed souls, whose sorrows all spring up into joys for others; whose earthly hopes, laid in the grave with many tears, are the seed from which spring healing flowers and balm for the desolate and the distressed."
— Harriet Beecher Stowe (Uncle Tom's Cabin)

"I can't think of anything that excites a greater sense of childlike wonder than to be in a country where you are ignorant of almost everything."
— Bill Bryson

"A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
— William Shakespeare (As You Like It)

"What is hell? I still maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love."
— Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

"The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love. There are many in the world who are dying for a piece of bread but there are many more dying for a little love. The poverty in the West is a different kind of poverty -- it is not only a poverty of loneliness but also of spirituality. There's a hunger for love, as there is a hunger for God."
— Mother Teresa (A Simple Path: Mother Teresa)

"I can't believe it. I can't believe it. Football. Bloody hell."
— Alex Ferguson

"To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead."
— Thomas Paine

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food"
— Hippocrates

"If your leg is in a cast, it's really dumb to sit in front of your computer doing unnecessary stuff with it hanging down. Your leg will swell and heal slower, if at all. When you go to your doctor, he/she will give you one of those "you're really dumb and self destructive" looks. Also, "Why didn't you follow my orders and rest?" Your doctor will be right, and so will mine at my next office visit. Elevate, folk! Elevate your mind, your soul, and your leg, in the order needed!"
— Sandy Nathan (Numenon)

"Failing to listen to the woman is one of the biggest mistakes a practitioner can make."
— Helen Varney

"The answer to injustice is not to silence the critic, but to end the injustice."
— Paul Robeson