Nicole's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 100)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,507 people liked it

"So many books, so little time."
— Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor
9,654 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,840 people liked it

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, time
1,553 people liked it

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
— Groucho Marx

tags: classic-insult
394 people liked it

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas, How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor
230 people liked it

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
— Groucho Marx

204 people liked it

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
— Groucho Marx

79 people liked it

"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, wisdom
137 people liked it

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics
1,567 people liked it

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

tags: dance, heaven, hurt, inspirational, life, love, sing
16,591 people liked it

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

tags: best, life, love, mistakes, out-of-control, truth, worst
11,314 people liked it

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
— Mother Teresa

tags: judge, judgemental, love, time
4,389 people liked it

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones)

tags: love
2,830 people liked it

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't to forget make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."
— Neil Gaiman

453 people liked it

"And on the subject of burning books: I want to congratulate librarians, not famous for their physical strength or their powerful political connections or their great wealth, who, all over this country, have staunchly resisted anti-democratic bullies who have tried to remove certain books from their shelves, and have refused to reveal to thought police the names of persons who have checked out those titles.

So the America I loved still exists, if not in the White House or the Supreme Court or the Senate or the House of Representatives or the media. The America I love still exists at the front desks of our public libraries."
— Kurt Vonnegut (A Man Without a Country)

tags: america, books, politics
1,049 people liked it

"If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn't have declared their independence from it."
— Stephen Colbert

tags: humor, politics
135 people liked it

"The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope."
— Barack Obama

tags: hope, service, work
141 people liked it

"Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake."
— Jon Stewart

tags: humor, religion
336 people liked it

"Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due."
— Jon Stewart (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America)

tags: america, confederation, constitution, failure
17 people liked it

"Here’s how bizarre the war is that we’re in in Iraq, and we should have known this right from the get-go: When we first went into Iraq, Germany didn’t want to go. Germany. The Michael Jordan of war took a pass."
— Jon Stewart

32 people liked it

"Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth breather there is."
— Garrison Keillor

tags: librarians
57 people liked it

"Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted."
— Garrison Keillor

48 people liked it

"One reads books in order to gain the privilege of living more than one life. People who don't read are trapped in a mine shaft, even if they think the sun is shining."
— Garrison Keillor

47 people liked it

"It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars."
— Garrison Keillor

14 people liked it

"If you are bored and disgusted by politics and don't bother to vote, you are in effect voting for the entrenched Establishments of the two major parties, who please rest assured are not dumb, and who are keenly aware that it is in their interests to keep you disgusted and bored and cynical and to give you every possible reason to stay at home doing one-hitters and watching MTV on primary day. By all means stay home if you want, but don't bullshit yourself that you're not voting. In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: you either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some Diehard's vote."
— David Foster Wallace (Up, Simbal!: 7 Days on the Trail of an Anticandidate)

tags: politics, voting
78 people liked it

"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.'"
— George Carlin

tags: flame
148 people liked it

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that."
— George Carlin

tags: dreams, humor
169 people liked it

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? " She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
— George Carlin

tags: books, bookstores, self-help
148 people liked it

"Sir, my concern is not whether God is on our side; my greatest concern is to be on God's side, for God is always right."
— Abraham Lincoln

tags: inspirational, politics, religion
125 people liked it

"The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
— Jay Leno

tags: christianity, christmas, corruption, nativity, politics, religion, washington
8 people liked it

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
— Phyllis Diller

tags: anger, funny, sleep
839 people liked it

"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?"
— Chris Rock

tags: comedy, everyday, funny, humor, life, observational
535 people liked it

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: confidence, inspirational, wisdom
10,768 people liked it

"Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, reading
849 people liked it

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

973 people liked it

"It isn't enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn't enough to believe in it. One must work at it."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

32 people liked it

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world."
— Mahatma Gandhi

tags: action, change, inspirational, philosophy, wish
11,918 people liked it

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?'"
— Bill Watterson

tags: humor
208 people liked it

"Black holes are where God divided by zero."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor
266 people liked it

"If you ride both sides of the fence, all you're gonna get is a wedgie."
— a great PHILosopher

tags: humor, philosophy
133 people liked it

"I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time."
— Steven Wright

tags: humor
98 people liked it

"The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop."
— Mark Twain

tags: children, humor
178 people liked it

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor
2,082 people liked it

"If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody come sit next to me."
— Alice Roosevelt Longworth

tags: humor
117 people liked it

"My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M's and a chocolate cake. I feel better already."
— Dave Barry

tags: cake, chocolate, humor, peace
155 people liked it

"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong'.
Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'"
— Charles M. Schulz

tags: brown, charlie, life
247 people liked it

"I urge you all today, especially today during these times of chaos and war, to love yourself without reservations and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into leather."
— Margaret Cho

tags: bdsm
22 people liked it

""I want Jesus to come back and say 'THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT'" - "
— Margaret Cho

10 people liked it

"If we have the opportunity to be generous with our hearts, ourselves, we have no idea of the depth and breadth of love's reach."
— Margaret Cho

tags: kindness
9 people liked it

« previous 1 2 next »

Nicole's profile »

all quotes
add a quote

Nicole's quotes

tags from Nicole's quotes