"...if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."
— Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass)

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop"
— Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)

"Curiouser and curiouser."
— Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass)

"Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle."
— Lewis Carroll

"She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)."
— Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass)

"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."
— Lewis Carroll

"Who has never killed an hour? Not casually or without thought, but carefully: a premeditated murder of minutes. The violence comes from a combination of giving up, not caring, and a resignation that getting past it is all you can hope to accomplish. So you kill the hour. You do not work, you do not read, you do not daydream. If you sleep it is not because you need to sleep. And when at last it is over, there is no evidence: no weapon, no blood, and no body. The only clue might be the shadows beneath your eyes or a terribly thin line near the corner of your mouth indicating something has been suffered, that in the privacy of your life you have lost something and the loss is too empty to share."
— Mark Z. Danielewski (House of Leaves)

"Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila."
— Mark Z. Danielewski (House of Leaves)

"Very
soon he
will vanish
completely in the wings
of his own
wordless
stanza.
[ ]

but
his
stanza
is not
completely
empty
[ * ]"
— Mark Z. Danielewski

"Perhaps in the margins of darkness, I could create a son who is not missing; who lives beyond even my own imagination and invention; whose lusts, stupidities, and strengths carry him farther than even he or I can anticipate; who sees the world for what it is; and consequently bears the burden of everyone's tomorrow with unprecedented wisdom and honor because he is one of the very few who has successfully interrogated his own nature. His shields are instantly available though seldom used. And those who value him shall prosper while those who would destroy him shall perish. He will fulfill a promise I made years ago but failed to keep."
— Mark Z. Danielewski (House of Leaves)

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."
— Maya Angelou

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
— Mark Twain

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough"
— Mae West

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by frost."
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Fellowship of the Ring)

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

"Without music, life would be a mistake."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
— Anaïs Nin

"Be not afraid of greatness. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."
— William Shakespeare (Twelfth Night)

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."
— Charles M. Schulz

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
— Mark Twain

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields

"The Guide says that there is an art to flying,” said Ford, “or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

"Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources"
— Albert Einstein

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse."
— Thomas Stephen Szasz

"Happiness is a warm puppy."
— Charles M. Schulz

"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
— Mark Twain

"The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be."
— Douglas Adams

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
— W.C. Fields

"Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what’s for lunch."
— Orson Welles

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
— Steven Wright

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

"Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until your forehead bleeds."
— Douglas Adams

"When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles
and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles...
...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle
bottle paddle battle."
— Dr. Seuss (Fox in Socks)

"Inigo: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.

Westley: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die. "
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.

TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL

1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say."
— Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak)

"The covers of this book are too far apart."
— Ambrose Bierce

"To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness."
— Oscar Wilde (The Importance of Being Earnest)

"Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can *fuss*.
Fezzik: Fuss, fuss... I think he like to scream at *us*.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no *harm*.
Fezzik: He's really very short on *charm*.
Inigo Montoya: You have a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhyming now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: DYEEAAHHHHHH."
— William Goldman (The Princess Bride)

"Room service? Send up a larger room."
— Groucho Marx