"There is no more hollow feeling than to stand with your honor shattered at your feet while soaring public reputation wraps you in rewards. That's soul-destroying. The other way around in merely very, very irritating."
— Lois McMaster Bujold (A Civil Campaign)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

"Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 6: Fables and Reflections)

"You know the best thing about aeroplanes? Apart from the peanuts in little silver bags, I mean.

It's looking out of the windows at the clouds and thinking maybe I could go walking in there. Maybe it's a special place where everything's okay.

Sometimes I do go walking in the clouds but it's just cold and wet and empty. But when you look out of a plane it's a special world...and I like it."
— Neil Gaiman (The Sandman Vol. 7: Brief Lives)

"I'd rather be a climbing ape than a falling angel."
— Terry Pratchett

"There is a rumour going around that I have found God. I think this is unlikely because I have enough difficulty finding my keys, and there is empirical evidence that they exist."
— Terry Pratchett

"...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves."
— Terry Pratchett (The Bromeliad Trilogy)

"It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"Nanny's philosophy of life was to do what seemed like a good idea at the time, and do it as hard as possible. It had never let her down."
— Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)

"Any sensible ruler would have killed off Leonard, and Lord Vetinari was extremely sensible and often wondered why he had not done so. He'd decided that it was because, imprisoned in the priceless, inquiring amber of Leonard's massive mind, underneath that bright investigative genius was a kind of willful innocence that might in lesser men be called stupidity. It was the seat and soul of that force which, down the millennia, had caused mankind to stick its fingers in the electric light socket of the Universe and play with the switch to see what happened - and then be very surprised when it did."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"But you ain't part of it, are you?' said Granny conversationally. 'You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts?"
— Terry Pratchett (Maskerade)

"If I had a large amount of money I should certainly found a hospital for those whose grip upon the world is so tenuous that they can be severely offended by words and phrases and yet remain all unoffended by the injustice, violence and oppression that howls daily about our ears."
— Stephen Fry (Paperweight)

"Among the gods, there is a dispute as to which one of them originally thought of Christianity; or, as they call it, the Great Leg Pull. Apollo has the best claim, but a sizeable minority support Pluto, ex-God of the Dead, on the grounds that he has a really sick sense of humour.

How would it be, suggested the unidentified god, if first we tell them all to love their neighbour, pack in the killing and thieving, and be nice to each other. Then we let them start burning heretics."
— Tom Holt (Ye Gods)

"Not only had he lost the only girl he'd ever loved, he'd lost her in duplicate, like some heartbroken but highly efficient civil servant."
— Tom Holt (Falling Sideways)

"Well Vin says that there's something behind all this, right? Some evil force of doom or whatever? Well, if I were said force of doom, then I certainly wouldn't have used my powers to turn the land black. It just lacks flair. Red. Now, that would be an interesting color. Think of the possibilities--if the ash were red, the rivers would run like blood. Black is so monotonous that you can forget about it, but red--you'd always be thinking, 'Why, look at that. That hill is red. That evil force of doom trying to destroy me certainly has style."
— Brandon Sanderson (The Hero of Ages)

"It is a terrible thing, this kindess that human beings do not lose. Terrible, because when we are finally naked in the dark and cold, it is all we have. We who are so rich, so full of strength, we end up with that small change. We have nothing else to give. "
— Ursula K. Le Guin (The Left Hand of Darkness)

"They knew many things but had no idea why. And strangely this made them more, rather than less, certain that they were right."
— Neal Stephenson (Anathem)

"Its like he knows he's better than you, but doesn't look down on you for it because he knows it's not your fault."
— Patrick Rothfuss (The Name of the Wind)

"Charlie had Sophie strapped to his chest like a terrorist baby bomb when he came down the back steps. She had just gotten to the point where she could hold up her head, so he had strapped her in face-out so she could look around. The way her arms and legs waved around as Charlie walked, she looked as if she was skydiving and using a skinny nerd as a parachute."
— Christopher Moore (A Dirty Job)

"When Charlie arrived home from his mother's funeral, he was met at the door by two very large very enthusiastic canines, who , undistracted by keeping watch over Sophie's love hostage, were now able to visit the full measure of their affection and joy upon their returning master. It is generally agreed, and in fact stated in the bylaws of the American Kennel Club, that you have not been truly dog-humped until you have been double-dog-humped by a pair of four-hundred-pouund hounds from hell (Section 5, paragraph 7: Standards of Humping and Ass-dragging). And despite having used an extra-strength antiperspirant that very morning before leaving Sedona, Charlie found that getting poked repeatedly in the armpits by two damp devil-dog dicks was leaving him feelig less than fresh.

"Sophie, call them off. Call them off."

"The puppies are dancing with Daddy," Sophie giggled. "Dance, Daddy!""
— Christopher Moore (A Dirty Job)

"She pulled down the blanket and aimed baby Sophie's bottom at him like she might unleash a fusillade of weapons-grade poopage such as the guileless Beta Male had never seen."
— Christopher Moore (A Dirty Job)

"Some prices are just too high, no matter how much you may want the prize. The one thing you can't trade for your heart's desire is your heart."
— Lois McMaster Bujold (Memory)

"Guard your honor. Let your reputation fall where it will. And outlive the bastards."
— Lois McMaster Bujold (A Civil Campaign)

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning."
— Albert Einstein (Relativity: The Special and the General Theory)

"The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room."
— Christopher Moore (Practical Demonkeeping)

"Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one."
— Terry Pratchett

"I am against religion because it teaches us to be satisfied with not understanding the world."
— Richard Dawkins

"The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"The merest accident of microgeography had meant that the first man to hear the voice of Om, and who gave Om his view of humans, was a shepherd and not a goatherd. They have quite different ways of looking at the world, and the whole of history might have been different. For sheep are stupid, and have to be driven. But goats are intelligent, and need to be led. "
— Terry Pratchett (Small Gods)

""... It's perfect! Locke would appreciate it."

"Bug," Calo said, "Locke is our brother and our love for him knows no bounds. But the four most fatal words in the Therin language are 'Locke would appreciate it.'"

"Rivalled only by 'Locke taught me a new trick,'" added Galo.

"The only person who gets away with Locke Lamora games ..."

"... is Locke ..."

"... because we think the gods are saving him up for a really big death. Something with knives and hot irons ..."

"... and fifty thousand cheering spectators.""
— Scott Lynch (The Lies of Locke Lamora)

"Our opponent is an alien starship packed with atomic bombs," I said. "We have a protractor."
— Neal Stephenson (Anathem)