"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
— Mark Twain

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."
— Mark Twain

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
— Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Jim Henson

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."
— Elbert Hubbard

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."
— Charles M. Schulz

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."
— Jane Austen

"In increments both measurable and not, our childhood is stolen from us -- not always in one momentous event but often in a series of small robberies, which add up to the same loss."
— John Irving (Until I Find You)

"If you can't love crudeness, how can you truly love mankind?"
— John Irving (My Movie Business: A Memoir)

"The gardener had a dread of small women; he'd always imagined them to have an anger disproportionate to their size."
— John Irving (A Widow for One Year)

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."
— Mae West

"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before."
— Mae West

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. In the library the sign says 'shut the fuck up!'"
— Rodney Dangerfield

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

"I'm not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I've always been a freak. So I've been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I'm one of those people."
— John Lennon

"I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on."
— Jack Handey