Danielle's quotes

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"All the books we own, both read and unread, are the fullest expression of self we have at our disposal. ... But with each passing year, and with each whimsical purchase, our libraries become more and more able to articulate who we are, whether we read the books or not."
— Nick Hornby

tags: books
170 people liked it

"...I feel as though I made a face and the wind changed, and now I have to go through life grimacing in this horrible way."
— Nick Hornby (High Fidelity: A Novel)

4 people liked it

"People who don't know me well enough might say I'm delusional and paranoid, but they're just out to get me."
— Lance Carbuncle (Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed)

tags: humor
17 people liked it

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age."
— Sophia Loren

tags: aeshetics, age, aging, creativity, youth
13 people liked it

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"
— Dr. Seuss

tags: troubles
392 people liked it

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity."
— Gilda Radner

tags: ambiguity, life, stories, uncertainty, unpredictability
1,071 people liked it

"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing."
— Agatha Christie

142 people liked it

"There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon."
— Christopher Moore (Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings)

tags: -fluke-, humor
96 people liked it

"It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

369 people liked it

"I'm the most important person in the lives of almost everyone I know and a good number of the people I've never even met."
— David Sedaris

tags: humor
39 people liked it

"I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out."
— David Sedaris (Naked)

tags: changing, others
182 people liked it

"I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies."
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

tags: humor
440 people liked it

"Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

tags: babies, change, humor, love, parents
188 people liked it

"It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who is really wrong is proving you wrong and proving himself, wrongly, right."
— Lemony Snicket (The Blank Book)

tags: wrong
134 people liked it

"You know, there's a big world out there filled with desperate orphans who would gladly swim across an ocean of thumbtacks just to be eclipsed by the long shadow that is cast by my accomplishments."
— Lemony Snicket

38 people liked it

"You spend your whole life trying to get people to like you and then you run over one person with your car - not even one of the popular ones - and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense."
— Michael Scott

tags: funny, humor, office
355 people liked it

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that
May or may not occur"
— Al Gore

tags: funny, stupid, wow
41 people liked it

"If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you."
— Steven Wright

tags: first, funny, skydiving
51 people liked it

"People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

tags: life
943 people liked it

"A passport, as I'm sure you know, is a document that one shows to government officials whenever one reaches a border between two countries, so that the official can learn who you are, where you were born, and how you look when photographed unflatteringly."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, passports
206 people liked it

"I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong."
— Lemony Snicket (The Bad Beginning)

181 people liked it

"Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make -- bombs, for instance, or strawberry shortcake -- if you make even the tiniest mistake you can find yourself in terrible trouble. Making assumptions simply means believing things are a certain way with little or no evidence that shows you are correct, and you can see at once how this can lead to terrible trouble. For instance, one morning you might wake up and make the assumption that your bed was in the same place that it always was, even though you would have no real evidence that this was so. But when you got out of your bed, you might discover that it had floated out to sea, and now you would be in terrible trouble all because of the incorrect assumption that you'd made. You can see that it is better not to make too many assumptions, particularly in the morning."
— Lemony Snicket (The Austere Academy)

tags: assumptions
136 people liked it

"The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught."
— Lemony Snicket (The Blank Book)

tags: eavesdropping, gossip
142 people liked it

"A man of my acquaintance once wrote a poem called "The Road Less Traveled", describing a journey he took through the woods along a path most travelers never used. The poet found that the road less traveled was peaceful but quite lonely, and he was probably a bit nervous as he went along, because if anything happened on the road less traveled, the other travelers would be on the road more frequently traveled and so couldn't hear him as he cried for help. Sure enough, that poet is dead."
— Lemony Snicket (The Slippery Slope)

tags: poetry
166 people liked it

"Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable place to hide."
— Lemony Snicket (The Blank Book)

tags: hiding
111 people liked it

"The world is quiet here."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: library, peace, quiet
110 people liked it

"The end of THE END is the best place to begin THE END, because if you read THE END from the beginning of the beginning of THE END to the end of the end of THE END, you will arrive at the end."
— Lemony Snicket (The End)

tags: endings
65 people liked it

"Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, and when you do, it makes you want to hide under the coffee table."
— Lemony Snicket

59 people liked it

""At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

(quote at the end of the movie, when they're driving away from their burned down house)"
— Lemony Snicket

tags: bad, courage, good, lemony-snicket, series-of-unforunate-events
65 people liked it

"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it."
— Jack Handey

52 people liked it

"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
— Steven Wright

tags: humor, thought
26 people liked it

"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
— Steven Wright

tags: humor
18 people liked it

"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. "
— Steven Wright

tags: failure, humor, success
22 people liked it

"What a nice night for an evening."
— Steven Wright

tags: absurd
12 people liked it

"I have a hobby. I have the world’s largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you’ve seen some of it."
— Steven Wright

17 people liked it

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
— Steven Wright

tags: absurd
19 people liked it

"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse

~Calvin's dad (Calvin and Hobbes)
"
— Bill Watterson (It's A Magical World)

tags: humor
13 people liked it

"I thought my life would seem more interesting with a musical score and a laugh track. "
— Bill Watterson

33 people liked it

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
3,060 people liked it

"She was already learning that if you ignore the rules people will, half the time, quietly rewrite them so that they don't apply to you."
— Terry Pratchett (Equal Rites)

112 people liked it

"Perhaps it would be simpler if you just did what you're told and didn't try to understand things."
— Terry Pratchett (Sourcery)

tags: life
37 people liked it

"As I am sure you know, when people say "It's my pleasure", they usually mean something along the lines of, "There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less."[...]"
— Lemony Snicket (The Penultimate Peril)

tags: humor, politeness
82 people liked it

"It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: ice-cream-sandwhiches, leaving-home
279 people liked it

"Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours."
— Lemony Snicket

34 people liked it

"A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give up villainy altogether and try to lead a life of decency, integrity, and kindness, which is much more challenging and noble, if not always quite as exciting."
— Lemony Snicket (The Grim Grotto)

tags: nobility
54 people liked it

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
— Apple Computer Inc.

tags: advertising, apple, change, commercial, computers, different, madness, misfits, nonconformity, progressive, quo, rebels, status, think, troublemakers
7,252 people liked it

"Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."
— Sarah Dessen (Someone Like You)

tags: friendship
1,404 people liked it

"If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember."
— Terry Pratchett (Lords and Ladies)

tags: cats, humor, life
773 people liked it

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
— Bill Watterson (The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book)

tags: humor, idiots, life
675 people liked it

"The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.
— Carrie Bradshaw"
— Candace Bushnell (Sex and the City)

tags: life
42 people liked it

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