Wvtony's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 82)

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: be-yourself, confidence, individuality, those-who-matter
18,652 people liked it

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

tags: dance, heaven, hurt, inspirational, life, love, sing
16,402 people liked it

"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."
— Albert Camus

tags: friends, friendship
9,684 people liked it

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
— John Lennon

tags: beatles, fate, life, planning, plans
7,060 people liked it

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
— Theodore Roosevelt

tags: inspirational
5,157 people liked it

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
— Oscar Wilde (Lady Windermere's Fan)

tags: inspirational, optimism, perception, pessimism
5,172 people liked it

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: inspirational
5,298 people liked it

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women
3,908 people liked it

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."
— Elbert Hubbard

tags: friend, friendship, knowledge, love
6,633 people liked it

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
3,041 people liked it

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, procrastination
5,734 people liked it

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, politics
1,559 people liked it

"Happiness is a warm puppy."
— Charles M. Schulz

tags: animals, dogs, happiness, humor, puppies
1,140 people liked it

"The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept."
— George Carlin

tags: humor, insanity, lies, lying, self-indulgence, truth
1,411 people liked it

"People, generally, suck."
— Christopher Moore

tags: humor
661 people liked it

"The last thing I ever wanted was to be alive when the three most powerful people on the whole planet would be named Bush, Dick and Colon."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humor, politics
399 people liked it

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
— Robin Williamson

tags: humor, men
430 people liked it

"If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny."
— Steven Wright

tags: humor
127 people liked it

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl)

tags: confidence, humor, ignorance, knowledge
235 people liked it

"Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
— Mae West

tags: humor, sex
264 people liked it

"The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life."
— Garrison Keillor

tags: humor, politics
93 people liked it

"Girls are like slugs—they probably serve some purpose, but it's hard to imagine what."
— Bill Watterson (The Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: girls, humor, slugs
106 people liked it

"There's some heinous fuckery goin' on mon."
— Christopher Moore (Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings)

tags: -fluke-, humor
95 people liked it

"The voice of Love seemed to call me, but it was a wrong number."
— P.G. Wodehouse

tags: humor, love
126 people liked it

"It's hard to be a bright light in a dim world."
— Gary Starta

tags: humor, paranormal, scifi
85 people liked it

"In politics, stupidity is not a handicap."
— Napoleon Bonaparte

tags: humor, politics, stupidity
106 people liked it

"You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena."
— Jon Stewart

tags: democracy, government, humor, politics
134 people liked it

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
— George W. Bush

tags: bushism, humor
64 people liked it

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can make a fool of yourself anytime"
— GFW

tags: humor
171 people liked it

"The only good thing to do with good advice is pass it on; it is never of any use to oneself."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: advice, humor
121 people liked it

"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria."
— Benjamin Franklin

tags: humor
111 people liked it

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?'"
— Bill Watterson

tags: humor
206 people liked it

"A wise man once said: Ask a woman."
— Random

tags: humor
89 people liked it

"Laugh at everyone, especially yourself."
— Grace Brown

tags: humor
42 people liked it

"I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known."
— Walt Disney Company

tags: humor
55 people liked it

"I'm as pure as the driven slush."
— Tallulah Bankhead

tags: humor, sex
39 people liked it

"What happened to happily ever after?

Reality killed it."
— Kenzie

tags: after, ever, happily, humor, reality
67 people liked it

"Drinking is fun! It makes me feel horrible and sexy!"
— Warren Ellis

tags: alcohol, drinking, humor
35 people liked it

"Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on."
— Mike Royko

tags: cynicism, humor
39 people liked it

"Mr. McGregor's a nasty piece of work, isn't he? Quite the Darth Vader of children's literature."
— Jasper Fforde

tags: humor, peter, rabbit
26 people liked it

"Get over it, Life happens."
— Reisha

tags: humor
23 people liked it

"Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck"
— George Carlin

tags: humor
73 people liked it

"Carpe Scrotum. Seize life by the testicles…

-Electra"
— Rowena Cherry (Knight's Fork)

tags: cherry, fork, futuristic, humor, knight-s, romance, rowena
66 people liked it

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."
— Dave Barry

tags: humor, plumbers, time
29 people liked it

"I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure."
— Mae West

tags: humor, life
186 people liked it

"I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind..."
— Terry Pratchett

tags: bar, cocktails, drinks, humor, sex
19 people liked it

"You can talk to a dog all day long, but he's just looking at you and thinking, 'Where's the ball?'"
— Mike Meyers

tags: humor
12 people liked it

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
— Steven Wright

tags: absurd, humor
48 people liked it

"That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery."
— Stephen King (The Stand)

tags: god, humor
54 people liked it

"It's a well-known fact. All women are clinically insane, but especially ballet dancers. Psycho. extremely psycho. Trust me."
— Marisa de los Santos (Belong to Me: A Novel)

tags: humor, women
31 people liked it

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