~tree~'s quotes

(showing 1-50 of 339)

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
11,672 people liked it

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
— Mark Twain

tags: lies, lying, memory, truth
9,170 people liked it

"So many books, so little time."
— Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor
9,130 people liked it

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor, insanity, life
9,255 people liked it

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
— Abraham Lincoln

tags: wisdom
9,016 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,502 people liked it

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
7,321 people liked it

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
— Apple Computer Inc.

tags: advertising, apple, change, commercial, computers, different, misfits, nonconformity, quo, rebels, status, think
6,747 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
5,791 people liked it

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
— Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

tags: books, classic, humor
5,420 people liked it

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, procrastination
5,505 people liked it

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

tags: deadlines, humor, work
5,232 people liked it

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."
— Steve Martin

tags: humor, obvious
5,252 people liked it

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
— Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

tags: strength
5,162 people liked it

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...," He murmured.
"What a stupid lamb, " I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
— Stephenie Meyer

tags: idiotic-book, love, romance, romantic
5,492 people liked it

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."
— Mark Twain

tags: books, friends, friendship, life
3,831 people liked it

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: enemies, forgiveness, strategy
5,901 people liked it

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it 'The Present'."
— Eleanor Roosevelt

tags: inspirational
4,860 people liked it

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
— Robert A. Heinlein

tags: cats, humor, women
3,704 people liked it

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
2,899 people liked it

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: fantasy
3,839 people liked it

"Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere."
— Albert Einstein

tags: imagination
3,349 people liked it

"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."
— Charles M. Schulz

tags: humor, mankind, people
3,084 people liked it

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
— Bill Gates

tags: humor, work
3,638 people liked it

"I have always imagined that Paradise will be some kind of library."
— Jorge Luis Borges

tags: books, library
3,084 people liked it

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
— Maya Angelou

tags: angelou, maya
4,799 people liked it

"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

3,284 people liked it

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."
— Mark Twain

tags: books, health, humor, misprints
2,316 people liked it

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
— Albert Einstein

tags: reality
2,080 people liked it

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

tags: humor, proverb
1,984 people liked it

"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humour
1,976 people liked it

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

tags: friends
2,194 people liked it

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life
2,680 people liked it

"If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
— E.B. White

tags: activism, humor, life, pleasure
1,791 people liked it

"A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."
— Mark Twain

tags: truth
2,158 people liked it

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
— Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
2,594 people liked it

"If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: books, reading
2,244 people liked it

"'Do I dazzle you?'

'Frequently.'"
— Stephenie Meyer

tags: vamps-dont-sparkle
1,896 people liked it

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity
2,412 people liked it

"About three things I was absolutely positive:
First, Edward was a vampire;
Second, there was a part of him -- and I didn't know how dominant that part might be -- that thirsted for my blood;
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

tags: bella, edward, vampire
1,653 people liked it

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor
1,974 people liked it

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
— Thomas A. Edison

tags: edison, failure, inspirational
3,554 people liked it

"Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them."
— Lemony Snicket (Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid)

tags: books, reading
2,036 people liked it

"The Guide says that there is an art to flying,” said Ford, “or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

tags: flight, flying, hg2g, humor
1,182 people liked it

"A day without laughter is a day wasted."
— Charlie Chaplin

tags: philosophy
2,246 people liked it

"I'm here . . . which roughly translated means I would rather die than stay away from you. I'm an idiot."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

tags: love
1,638 people liked it

"Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry."
— Terry Pratchett (Thief of Time)

tags: humor
1,738 people liked it

"Well-behaved women rarely make history."
— Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

tags: it-s-so-true
2,221 people liked it

"There is no friend as loyal as a book."
— Ernest Hemingway

tags: books, friends, novelist, quotes
1,590 people liked it

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said 'I don't know'."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, knowledge
1,435 people liked it

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