"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
— Albert Einstein

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
— Abraham Lincoln

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough"
— Mae West

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square hole. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."
— Apple Computer Inc.

"Give a girl the right shoes, and she can conquer the world."
— Marilyn Monroe

"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left."
— Marilyn Monroe

"I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it."
— Marilyn Monroe (Marilyn: Her Life in Her Own Words)

"It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone."
— Marilyn Monroe

"I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't."
— Marilyn Monroe

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
— Winston S. Churchill

"A painter should begin every canvas with a wash of black, because all things in nature are dark except where exposed by the light."
— Leonardo da Vinci

"Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television."
— Woody Allen

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...," He murmured.
"What a stupid lamb, " I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion."
— Stephenie Meyer

"Edward - I wasn't about to send you off alone. With your luck, not even the black box would survive.
Bella - So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?
Edward - Why is the plane crashing?
He was trying to hide a smile now.
Bella - The pilots are passed out drunk.
Edward - Easy. I'd fly the plane.
Of course. I pursed my lips and tried again.
Bella - Both engines have exploded and we're falling in a death spiral toward the earth.
Edward - I'd wait till we were close enough to the ground, get a good grip on you, kick out the wall, and jump. Then I'd run you back to the scene of the accident, and we'd stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history.
I stared at him wordlessly.
"What?" he whispered."
— Stephenie Meyer (Eclipse)

"Damn me to hell or take me to heaven, but for Gods sake, do it now...."
— Nora Roberts (The Stanislaski Brothers: Mikhail and Alex)

"You've won the evolutionary lottery: You're a vampire. Let's go to Disneyland!"
— J.R. Ward (Dark Lover)

"The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity."
— Dorothy Parker

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
— Dorothy Parker

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
— Dorothy Parker

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
— Dorothy Parker

"(When asked to use "horticulture" in a sentence) You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"What fresh hell is this?"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn."
— Dorothy Parker

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
— Dorothy Parker

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."
— Dorothy Parker

"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."
— Dorothy Parker

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
— Dorothy Parker

"I hate writing, I love having written."
— Dorothy Parker

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of those who-do-things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails. But I don't even do that anymore."
— Dorothy Parker

"Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life."
— Dorothy Parker

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
— Dorothy Parker

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
— Dorothy Parker

"Time doth flit; oh shit."
— Dorothy Parker

"A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika."
— Dorothy Parker

"I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things."
— Dorothy Parker

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses."
— Dorothy Parker

"Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship."
— Dorothy Parker

"Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!"
— Dorothy Parker

"I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true."
— Dorothy Parker

"There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words."
— Dorothy Parker

"So, you're the man who can't spell 'fuck.'"
-- Dorothy Parker to Norman Mailer after publishers had convinced Mailer to replace the word with a euphemism, 'fug,' in his 1948 book, "The Naked and the Dead."
— Dorothy Parker

"Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song;
a medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
and I am Marie of Romania."
— Dorothy Parker

"Drink and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die (but alas we never do)!"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them."
— Dorothy Parker

"Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne."
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

"Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants."
— Dorothy Parker