Richard's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 129)

"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: fate, humor
1,036 people liked it

"Civilization is a race between disaster and education."
— H.G. Wells

tags: civilization
8 people liked it

"I feel as if I were a piece in a game of chess, when my opponent says of it: That piece cannot be moved."
— Søren Kierkegaard

tags: frustration, futility, life
10 people liked it

"What hath night to do with sleep?"
— John Milton

tags: night, paradise-lost, sleep
6 people liked it

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity."
— Robert A. Heinlein

tags: malice, stupidity
332 people liked it

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
— Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

tags: books, classic, humor
5,479 people liked it

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

tags: humor, open-mind, thinking
2,934 people liked it

"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them."
— Mark Twain

tags: literacy
6,030 people liked it

"Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous."
— P.G. Wodehouse (Very Good, Jeeves!)

tags: hair, humor, redheads
91 people liked it

"Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time."
— Steven Wright

tags: humor, walking
97 people liked it

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."
— Bill Watterson

tags: calvin-and-hobbes, humor, life
463 people liked it

"I spent the afternoon musing on Life. If you come to think of it, what a queer thing Life is! So unlike anything else, don't you know, if you see what I mean."
— P.G. Wodehouse

tags: existentialism, humor, life, pondering
6 people liked it

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."
— Mark Twain

tags: lies, lying, memory, truth
9,299 people liked it

"Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind."
— Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra (Don Quixote)

tags: books, humor, reading
305 people liked it

"So many books, so little time."
— Frank Zappa

tags: books, humor
9,248 people liked it

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."
— John Lennon

tags: beatles, fate, life, planning, plans
6,800 people liked it

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."
— Mark Twain

tags: humor, procrastination
5,589 people liked it

"Either give me more wine or leave me alone."
— Mawlana Jalal-al-Din Rumi

tags: wine
29 people liked it

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

tags: deadlines, humor, work
5,283 people liked it

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life
2,710 people liked it

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work...I want to achieve it by not dying."
— Woody Allen

tags: life
215 people liked it

"If more of us valued food and cheer above hoarded gold, it would be a much merrier world."
— J.R.R. Tolkien

tags: food, happiness
470 people liked it

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
— Mahatma Gandhi

tags: anti-christian, christ, christianity, christians, jesus
930 people liked it

"Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible."
— Frank Zappa

tags: music, philosophy, progress
484 people liked it

"Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, reading, wicked
771 people liked it

"Well-read people are less likely to be criminals."
— Lemony Snicket

tags: humor, reading
333 people liked it

"The moral of Snow White is never eat apples."
— Lemony Snicket

291 people liked it

"I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong."
— Lemony Snicket (The Bad Beginning)

173 people liked it

"Never make a decision when you need to pee."
— Leonard Cohen

15 people liked it

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."
— Steven Wright

tags: absurd
18 people liked it

"In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'"
— Steven Wright

tags: absurd
13 people liked it

"Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it."
— P.G. Wodehouse

tags: bertie, wooster
8 people liked it

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."
— Steven Wright

tags: absurd, humor
46 people liked it

"Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion."
— Jon Stewart

tags: absurd, religion
180 people liked it

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
— Jon Stewart

tags: absurd, humor, thanksgiving
143 people liked it

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
— Bill Watterson (The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book)

tags: humor, idiots, life
642 people liked it

"Calvin: You can't just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
Hobbes: What mood is that?
Calvin: Last-minute panic."
— Bill Watterson

tags: procrastination
290 people liked it

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."
— Winston S. Churchill

tags: truth
805 people liked it

"You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different."
— Bill Watterson

tags: change, life
218 people liked it

"I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal."
— Bill Watterson (The Essential Calvin and Hobbes)

tags: humore
67 people liked it

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television
2,818 people liked it

"You get a little moody sometimes but I think that's because you like to read. People that like to read are always a little fucked up."
— Pat Conroy (The Prince of Tides)

tags: books, reading
743 people liked it

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'."
— Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail
726 people liked it

"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: books, reading
2,631 people liked it

"She is too fond of books, and it has turned her brain."
— Louisa May Alcott (Work: A Story of Experience)

tags: books
838 people liked it

"A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us."
— Franz Kafka

tags: books
309 people liked it

"People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading."
— Logan Pearsall Smith

tags: life, reading
218 people liked it

"A happy childhood has spoiled many a promising life."
— Robertson Davies

3 people liked it

"At one magical instant in your early childhood, the page of a book--that string of confused, alien ciphers--shivered into meaning. Words spoke to you, gave up their secrets; at that moment, whole universes opened. You became, irrevocably, a reader."
— Alberto Manguel

tags: books, childhood, reading
28 people liked it

"When you are old and gray and full of sleep, and nodding by the fire, take down this book and slowly read, and dream of the soft look your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep."
— William Butler Yeats

tags: books, old-age, reading
19 people liked it

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