Bryce's quotes

(showing 1-31 of 31)

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: be-yourself, confidence, individuality, those-who-matter
18,352 people liked it

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."
— Mark Twain

tags: dance, heaven, hurt, inspirational, life, love, sing
16,148 people liked it

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: cry, crying, experience, happiness, joy, life, optimism, sadness, smile, smiling
14,853 people liked it

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,136 people liked it

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
— Abraham Lincoln

tags: wisdom
9,327 people liked it

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
— Dr. Seuss

tags: dreams, love, reality, sleep
10,498 people liked it

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."
— Groucho Marx (The Essential Groucho)

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
6,694 people liked it

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: intelligence, self-deprecation
7,621 people liked it

"Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away."
— Robert Maynard Hutchins

tags: exercise, humor, laziness
5,920 people liked it

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
— Miss Piggy

tags: humor
5,747 people liked it

"I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
— Woody Allen

tags: death, fear, humor, life
2,765 people liked it

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you."
— Rita Mae Brown

tags: humor, insanity
2,513 people liked it

"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. "
— W.C. Fields

tags: humor, sinister
2,047 people liked it

"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."
— Groucho Marx

tags: humor, time
1,512 people liked it

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it."
— Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading
761 people liked it

"Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before."
— Steven Wright

tags: amnesia, humor, memory
759 people liked it

"TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public."
— Douglas Coupland (JPod)

tags: humor
114 people liked it

"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. "
— Dave Barry

tags: health, humor
59 people liked it

"No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously."
— Dave Barry

55 people liked it

"Perhaps you are thinking: 'But a tank costs several million dollars, not including floor mats. I don't have that kind of money.'
Don't be silly. You're a consumer, right? You have credit cards, right?
Perhaps you are thinking: 'Yes, but how am I going to pay the credit-card company?'
Don't be silly. You have a tank, right?"
— Dave Barry

tags: humor
52 people liked it

"Aside from velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe. You can't see it or touch it, yet a plumber can charge you upwards of seventy-five dollars per hour for it, without necessarily fixing anything."
— Dave Barry

tags: humor, plumbers, time
28 people liked it

"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."
— Dave Barry

tags: argument, respect
24 people liked it

"I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and--regardless of their political or cultural differences--accuse each other of cheating."
— Dave Barry (Boogers Are My Beat: More Lies, But Some Actual Journalism!)

tags: humor, sports
22 people liked it

"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."
— Dave Barry

tags: golf, humor
19 people liked it

"It's not about hair loss. It's about face GAIN. I hear the term, 'receding hairline'. I say, 'Expanding Facial Fronteir'. One day I might have a whole head of FACE."
— Sheng Wang

tags: appearance, humor, life, optimism
86 people liked it

"To love would be an awfully big adventure."
— J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan)

tags: adventure, love
1,691 people liked it

"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong."
— Laura Ingalls Wilder

119 people liked it

"Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Penny, why don't you write a play about Ism-Mania?
Penny Sycamore: Ism-Mania?
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Yeah, sure, you know, Communism, Faschism, Voodoo-ism, everybody's got an -ism these days.
Penny Sycamore: Oh
[laughs]
Penny Sycamore: I thought it was some kind of itch or something.
Grandpa Martin Vanderhoff: Well, it's just as catching. When things go a little bad nowadays, you go out, get yourself an -ism and you're in business. "
— George S. Kaufman (You Can't Take it With You)

tags: humor
1 person liked it

"Some people have a way with words....some people....not have way."
— Steve Martin (Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life)

tags: humor
174 people liked it

"I saw the movie, 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon' and was surprised because I didn't see any tigers or dragons. And then I realized why: they're crouching and hidden."
— Steve Martin

50 people liked it

"I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"."
— Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me)

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership
420 people liked it

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tags from Bryce's quotes

adventure
amnesia
animals
appearance
be-yourself
books
cry
crying
dogs
dreams
exercise
experience
fear
friends
golf
health
heaven
human nature
humor
hurt
individuality
infinity
insanity
inspirational
joy
laziness
life
love
memory
optimism
philosophy
plumbers
reading
reality
respect
sadness
science
self-deprecation
sing
sinister
sleep
smile
smiling
sports
stupidity
those-who-matter
time
universe
Argument
Einstein
books
clique
clubs
confidence
dance
death
happiness
humor
intelligence
love
membership
wisdom