"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help."
— Bill Watterson

"I hope your bacon burns"
— Diana Wynne Jones (Howl's Moving Castle)

"Check out that one at the end. He's taken the form of a footstool. Weird...but somehow I like his style."

"That is a footstool."
— Jonathan Stroud (The Golem's Eye)

"I would challenge to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!"
— William Shakespeare

"Snape raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore.
"Avada Kedavra!"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

"The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake!"
— Scott Adams

"Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?"
— William Shakespeare

"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced."
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It's a grain. It's like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
— James Patterson (The Angel Experiment/School's Out Forever/Saving the World Set)

"beautiful, beautiful beautiful, perfect, godlike, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, perfect, beautiful, beautiful, etc..."
— Bella (Twilight books)

"Now it was just the three of us: the leader, the warrior, and the kid about to wet his pants. Guess who i was."
— D.J. MacHale

"Witch king: Fool. No man may can kill me!
Eowyn: (pulls off helmet) I am no man! (kills him)"
— J.R.R. Tolkien (The Lord of the Rings - Return of the King)

"I don't like lollipops.

-Artemis Fowl Jr."
— Eoin Colfer

"(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)"
— Eoin Colfer (Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code)

"So many books, so little time."
— Frank Zappa

"The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid."
— Jane Austen (Northanger Abbey)

"Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. "
— Bill Gates

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
— Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

"The Guide says that there is an art to flying,” said Ford, “or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
— Douglas Adams

"What strange creatures brothers are!"
— Jane Austen

"And I fell violently on my face."
— Edgar Allan Poe (Great Tales and Poems of Edgar Allan Poe)

"How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets!
— Buzz Lightyear"
— Cathy East Dubowski (Disney's Toy Story)

"You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!"
— Lauren Myracle (ttfn)

"Do you ever think if poeple heard our conversations they'd lock us up?"
"All the time.""
— Wendy Mass (Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life)

"[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms!"
— William Shakespeare (Henry IV Part 1: Oxford School Shakespeare)

"you brought a snack"
— Stephenie Meyer

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
— Charles Dickens

"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners!"
— Roald Dahl

"'I want an Oompa-Loompa!' screamed Veruca."
— Roald Dahl (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)

"Well, obviously, she feels very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she is feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and then she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings towards Harry are anyway, because he was with Cedric when he died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she is afraid she is going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly."

A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speach, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode."

"Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," Hermione said nastily, picking up her quill again. "
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

"I hope you're pleased with yourselves. We could all have been killed-or worse, expelled. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed."
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

"First sign of madness, talking to your own head."
— J.K. Rowling

"Why are you worrying about YOU-KNOW-WHO, when you should be worrying about YOU-NO-POO? The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!"
— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
— Charles M. Schulz

"Anything is good if it's made of chocolate."
— Jo Brand

"We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie."
— David Mamet (Boston Marriage)

"Before you Bella my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. .... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliance, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no reason for anything."
— Stephenie Meyer

"Lollipop!"
— Eoin Colfer

"Your Scent is like a drug to me."
— Stephanie Myers - 'Edward'

"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead."
— Benjamin Franklin

"When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout."
— Cory Doctorow

"So did you stab Edward Cullen with a pencil or what?"
— Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

"They would all be sorry... particularly the duck."
— Angie Sage

"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
— Douglas Adams

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
— Oscar Levant

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
— Bill Watterson (The Calvin and Hobbes Tenth Anniversary Book)

"Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did?

Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm's Thermonuclear League of Liberty.

Ms. Wormwood: See me after class, Calvin.

Calvin: [retrospectively] I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."
— Bill Watterson