Justin > Justin's Quotes

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  • #1
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #2
    Dr. Seuss
    “Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”
    Dr. Seuss

  • #3
    William W. Purkey
    “You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
    Love like you'll never be hurt,
    Sing like there's nobody listening,
    And live like it's heaven on earth.”
    William W. Purkey

  • #4
    “Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
    Narcotics Anonymous

  • #5
    Mae West
    “You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
    Mae West

  • #6
    Douglas Adams
    “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.”
    Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt

  • #7
    Mark Twain
    “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
    Mark Twain

  • #8
    “Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away.”
    Paul Terry

  • #9
    Billy Sunday
    “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”
    Billy Sunday, Billy Sunday, the Man and His Message: With His Own Words Which Have Won Thousands for Christ

  • #10
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.”
    Rodney Dangerfield

  • #11
    Jon Stewart
    “I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.”
    Jon Stewart

  • #12
    Steve Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    Steve Martin

  • #13
    Woody Allen
    “I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
    Woody Allen

  • #14
    Bernard M. Baruch
    “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
    Bernard M. Baruch

  • #15
    Mark Twain
    “I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
    Mark Twain

  • #16
    Mark Twain
    “You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?”
    Mark Twain

  • #17
    Steve Martin
    “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
    Steve Martin

  • #18
    Woody Allen
    “It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.”
    Woody Allen

  • #19
    Woody Allen
    “Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right.”
    Woody Allen
    tags: sex

  • #20
    Woody Allen
    “The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”
    Woody Allen
    tags: sex

  • #21
    Woody Allen
    “A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men.
    I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.”
    Woody Allen

  • #22
    Rodney Dangerfield
    “I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs
    I say, 'no.”
    Rodney Dangerfield

  • #23
    Mark Twain
    “A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
    Mark Twain

  • #24
    Mark Twain
    “Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.”
    Mark Twain

  • #25
    Albert Einstein
    “I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”
    Albert Einstein

  • #26
    “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
    Robin Williams

  • #27
    Mike Rowe
    “I'm allergic to rocks hitting me in the face.”
    Mike Rowe

  • #28
    Matt Groening
    “Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
    Matt Groening, The Big Book of Hell

  • #29
    Steven Wright
    “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.”
    Steven Wright

  • #30
    “You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go "Jeez... what have you been doing - jumping rope in the attic or something?"..."Umm, no... I peeled an orange about an hour ago, why?”
    Kevin James



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