Joe's quotes

(showing 1-50 of 514)

""Live always in the best company when you read.""
— Sydney Smith

2 people liked it

"The cure for boredom is curiosity.
There is no cure for curiosity."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: curiosity, women
1,562 people liked it

"The main question to a novel is - did it amuse? were you surprised at dinner coming so soon? did you mistake eleven for ten? were you too late to dress? and did you sit up beyond the usual hour? If a novel produces these effects, it is good; if it does not - story, language, love, scandal itself cannot save it. It is only meant to please; and it must do that or it does nothing."
— Sydney Smith

3 people liked it

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: author, book, humorist, poet, wit
500 people liked it

"I never read a book before reviewing it; it prejudices one so."
— Sydney Smith

2 people liked it

"I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor
323 people liked it

"I am glad you like what I said of Mrs. Elizabeth Fry (prison and mental hospital reformer). She is very unpopular with the clergy; examples of living, active virtue disturb our repose and give one to distressing comparisons; we long to burn her alive."
— Sydney Smith

2 people liked it

"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor, money
318 people liked it

"No furniture is so charming as books,even if you never open them or read a single word."
— Sydney Smith

2 people liked it

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: beauty, classic-insult, humor, ugly
340 people liked it

"If you want to improve your understanding, drink coffee.
"
— Sydney Smith

5 people liked it

"What fresh hell is this?"
— Dorothy Parker (The Portable Dorothy Parker)

138 people liked it

"Madam, I have been looking for a person who disliked gravy all my life; let us swear eternal friendship."
— Sydney Smith

tags: food, friendship, gravy
4 people liked it

"If I didn't care for fun and such,
I'd probably amount to much.
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: fame
126 people liked it

"It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can."
— Sydney Smith

tags: inspirational
7 people liked it

"They sicken of the calm who know the storm."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: women
116 people liked it

"No furniture is so charming as books."
— Sydney Smith

tags: books
69 people liked it

"By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing.
And he vows his passion is,
Infinite, undying.
Lady make note of this --
One of you is lying."
— Dorothy Parker

109 people liked it

"dont you think between here and now we will see each other once or twice?

"
— Richard Bach

tags: friendship, inspirational
6 people liked it

"Don't look at me in that tone of voice."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor
147 people liked it

"Force is not strength. You may win a fight or a war with force, but you will not win friendship. Most do not realize that friendship is important, but if you were to go into a battle against 100 men, would you rather fight alone with all of your're force, or with the good feeling of your friends helping. "
— Creston Fournerat

tags: battle, force, friendship
3 people liked it

"Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common."
— Dorothy Parker

111 people liked it

"The friends who met here and embraced are gone,
Each to his own mistake;"
— W.H. Auden

tags: decisions, friendship, lifestyle
3 people liked it

"Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."
— Dorothy Parker

104 people liked it

""There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature""
— P. G. Wodehouse

tags: friendship, literature
4 people liked it

"The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue."
— Dorothy Parker

126 people liked it

"That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor
105 people liked it

"When you choose your friends, don't be short-changed by choosing personality over character."
— W. Somerset Maugham

tags: character, friendship
7 people liked it

"She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: sex
65 people liked it

"No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is in not the most beautiful thought?
--Poirot"
— Agatha Christie

tags: dentist, humor, the-patriotic-murders
3 people liked it

"I'm never going to be famous. My name will never be writ large on the roster of those who-do-things. I don't do anything. Not one single thing. I used to bite my nails. But I don't even do that anymore."
— Dorothy Parker

57 people liked it

"If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. "
— Donald D. Quinn

tags: education, teachers, teaching
5 people liked it

"Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: humor
75 people liked it

"Trips to the dentist-I like to postpone that kind of thing."
— Johnny Depp

12 people liked it

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."
— Groucho Marx

tags: classic-insult
367 people liked it

"…. Query: How contrive not to waste one's time?
Answer: By being fully aware of it all the while.
Ways in which this can be done: By spending one's days on an uneasy chair in a dentist's waiting-room; by remaining on one's balcony all of a Sunday afternoon; by listening to lectures in a language on doesn't know; by traveling by the longest and least-convenient train routes, and of course standing all the way; by lining up at the box-office of theaters and then not buying a seat; and so forth."
— Albert Camus

tags: time
7 people liked it

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
— Mark Twain

tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor
384 people liked it

"It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on. "
— C. S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"

4 people liked it

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
— Oscar Wilde

tags: classic-insult
225 people liked it

"All this fuss about sleeping together. For physical pleasure I'd sooner go to my dentist any day."
— Evelyn Waugh (Vile Bodies)

tags: humor, sex
4 people liked it

"Lady Astor to Winston Churchill—
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."

His reply—
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
— Winston S. Churchill

tags: alcohol, classic-insult, drunk
167 people liked it

"Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive and not after he is dead."
— F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Great Gatsby)

8 people liked it

"A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.'"
— Winston S. Churchill

tags: classic-insult
108 people liked it

"I don't want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again."
— F. Scott Fitzgerald (This Side of Paradise)

78 people liked it

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. "
— Winston S. Churchill

tags: admiration, classic-insult, vice, virtue
83 people liked it

"An artist is someone who can hold two opposing viewpoints and still remain fully functional."
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

tags: books, writing
5 people liked it

"I've never killed a man, but I've read many an obituary with a great deal of satisfaction."
— Clarence Darrow

tags: classic-insult, death, humor
52 people liked it

"There's no beauty without poignancy and there's no poignancy without the feeling that it's going, men, names, books, houses--bound for dust--mortal--"
— F. Scott Fitzgerald (The Beautiful and Damned)

8 people liked it

"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and she can’t say 'No' in any of them."
— Dorothy Parker

tags: classic-insult, humor
52 people liked it

"I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything."
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

20 people liked it

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