"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it."
— Terry Pratchett (Diggers)

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
— Terry Pratchett (Jingo)

"It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life."
— Terry Pratchett (The Last Continent)

"In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this."
— Terry Pratchett

"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
— Terry Pratchett (Reaper Man)

"Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact."
— Terry Pratchett (Moving Pictures)

"The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks."
— Terry Pratchett

"You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?"
— Terry Pratchett (Hogfather)

"This book was written using 100% recycled words."
— Terry Pratchett (Wyrd Sisters)

"Many people could say things in a cutting way, Nanny knew. But Granny Weatherwax could listen in a cutting way. She could make something sound stupid just by hearing it."
— Terry Pratchett

"A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores."
— Terry Pratchett (The Fifth Elephant)

"You're not allowed to call the dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons."
— Terry Pratchett (Johnny and the Bomb)