Seán Laffan > Seán's Quotes

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  • #1
    Derek Landy
    “Doors are for people with no imagination.”
    Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

  • #2
    Derek Landy
    “I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering.”
    Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

  • #3
    Derek Landy
    “Valkyrie: “You are such a moron.”
    Skulduggery: “Don't be jealous of my genius.”
    Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

  • #4
    Derek Landy
    “Every solution to every problem is simple. It's the distance between the two where the mystery lies.”
    Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

  • #5
    Derek Landy
    “Was it a test?” she asked. “I mean, I know I'm still new to this. I'm still the rookie. Did you hang back to test me, to see if I'd be able to handle it alone?”
    “Well, kind of,” he said. “Actually, no, nothing like that. My shoelace was untied. That's why I was late. That's why you were alone.”
    “I could have been killed because you were tying your SHOELACE?”
    “An untied shoelace an be dangerous,” he said. “I could have tripped.”
    She stared at him. A moment dragged by.
    “I'm joking,” he said at last.
    She relaxed. “Really?”
    “Absolutely. I would never have tripped. I'm far too graceful”
    Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

  • #6
    Derek Landy
    “We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse.' --Skulduggery Pleasant”
    Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

  • #7
    Derek Landy
    “Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed.

    "Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs."


    "Oh, yes."

    She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?"

    "They just are."

    "In what way?"

    "In a magicky way."

    She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?"

    "Not really.”
    Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

  • #8
    Derek Landy
    “What is it with you women?" he yelled, kicking at the air. "You come into our lives, you take everythin'! Throughout the years you got little pieces of me, of my very SOUL, and NOW? Now you got my damn straight razor! How am I supposed to kill people? How am I supposed to even SHAVE?”
    Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

  • #9
    Derek Landy
    “Valkyrie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but your friend is most likely dead.”
    “Of course he’s dead. He’s a skeleton.”
    Derek Landy, Dark Days

  • #10
    Derek Landy
    “Is he all scarred now?”

    “Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally.”
    Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

  • #11
    Derek Landy
    “The rain battered the cottage. Valkyrie risked a look up at Skulduggery.
    “What is it?” she whispered.
    “It’s a box,” he whispered back.
    “What kind of box?”
    “A wooden one.”
    She gave him a look.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #12
    Derek Landy
    “What would killing the Elders result in?"
    "Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?”
    Derek Landy, Skulduggery Pleasant

  • #13
    Derek Landy
    “I think zombies are kind of cute.”
    “I may be thinking about bunnies. Which one has the fluffy little tail, zombies or bunnies?”
    “Then it’s bunnies I’m thinking of.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #14
    Derek Landy
    “Look, this is all very, very weird. Why are you focusing on rumours and urban legends? You haven’t even asked me any
    normal questions.”
    “Normal questions? Like what?”
    “Like, I don’t know, like if Lynch had any enemies.”
    “Did Lynch have any enemies?”
    “Well, not that I know of, no.”
    “Then there really was no point in me asking that, was there? Unless you wanted to distract me. You didn’t want to distract me, did you, Kenny?”
    “No, that’s not—”
    “Are you playing a game with me, Kenny?”
    “I don’t know what you’re—”
    Inspector Me leaned forward. “Did you kill him?”
    “It’d be OK if you did.”
    Kenny recoiled, horrified. “How would that be OK?”
    “Well,” Me said, “maybe not”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #15
    Derek Landy
    “Valkyrie Cain got out of the passenger side. She zipped up
    her black jacket against the cold, and joined Skulduggery as he
    walked up to the front door. She glanced at him, and saw that he was smiling.
    "Stop doing that,” she sighed.
    “Stop doing what?” Skulduggery responded in that gloriously velvet voice of his.
    “Stop smiling. The person we want to talk to lives in the only dark house on a bright street. That’s not a good sign.”
    “I didn’t realise I was smiling,” he said.
    They stopped at the door, and Skulduggery made a concerted effort to shift his features. His mouth twitched
    downwards. “Am I smiling now?”
    “Excellent,” he said, and the smile immediately sprang back up.”
    Derek Landy, Mortal Coil

  • #16
    Derek Landy
    “We're here on Sanctuary business," Skulduggery tried.
    The man on Deadfall's right bristled, and Deadfall grinned. "Hear that, Pete? They're with that Sanctuary."
    Hokum Pete snarled. "I hate the Sanctuary."
    "Oh," Skulduggery said.
    "We all hate the Sanctuary."
    "Ah. Then we're not here on Sanctuary business. I was just joking.”
    Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

  • #17
    Derek Landy
    “Guild doesn't like me."
    "That's true."
    "He doesn't like you, ether."
    "That is mystifying.”
    Derek Landy, Playing with Fire

  • #18
    Derek Landy
    “By the way, all joking aside, do I call you Ghastly or Elder Bespoke?'
    'You can call me whatever you like.'
    Vex nodded. 'Thank you, Gladys.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #19
    Derek Landy
    “You're bored, aren't you.'
    'I need constant distraction. Shall we go?'
    'Uh, aren't you supposed to delegate responsibility or something? If you're not here, who's in charge?'
    Skulduggery looked around and pointed to a sorcerer at the far side of the cemetery. 'He is.'
    'Who is he?'
    'Don't know. He looks like leadership material, though, doesn't he?'
    'Does he?'
    'He's wearing a hat.'
    'And that means he's a leader?'
    'Leaders wear hats. It's to keep the rain off while we make important decisions. He'll do fine.'
    'Shouldn't you tell him that he's in charge?'
    'And spoil the surprise?”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #20
    Derek Landy
    “He crouched at the car window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #21
    Derek Landy
    “Valkyrie dialed Skulduggery's number and he picked up. 'Hey,' she said, 'It's me.'
    Skulduggery paused. 'No it's not. If it were me, then I'd be talking to myself, and I don't do that any more. I certainly don't RING myself. That's one of the first signs of madness, and if it's not, it should be.'
    She sighed. 'Are you finished talking nonsense?'
    'I haven't talked nonsense all morning. I miss it.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #22
    Derek Landy
    “I try not to underestimate my opponents, no matter how ridiculous their beards.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #23
    Derek Landy
    “I would love to have a battle of wits with you, Bison, but I doubt it would be a fair fight.'
    'Shut your face.'
    'Exactly my point.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #24
    Derek Landy
    “It would be fun,” Skulduggery nodded. ”I like kicking Wreath in the face. I haven't had a chance to do it nearly as much as I'd like.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #25
    Derek Landy
    “I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.'
    'My accent?'
    'It is quite silly.'
    'So you can't understand me?'
    'Not a word.'
    'Then how did you understand that?'
    'I didn't.'
    ''You didn't understand what I just said?'
    'That's right.'
    'You understood that, though.'
    'Not at all.'
    The American glowered.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #26
    Derek Landy
    “I have sought you out to cure me.'
    'To cure you of what?'
    'Of this cursed affliction.'
    'I cannot cure stupidity.'
    Scapegrace frowned.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #27
    Derek Landy
    “This is your last chance to do the right thing.'
    'Do you want to attack first, or will I?'
    Skulduggery held up a finger. 'Do you mind if I confer with my colleague for a moment?'
    'By all means.'
    Skulduggery leaned in towards Valkyrie. 'Damn,' he whispered. 'She's not going to do the right thing.'
    'Did you really think she would?'
    'I was really hoping.'
    'Can we beat her?' Valkyrie asked.
    'I don't like our chances.'
    'What are our chances?'
    'We don't have any,' Skulduggery admitted. 'Do you think you can take Craven on your own?'
    'Me either. Do you want to leave him to me then, and you can take her?'
    'I like that idea even less.'
    'I don't blame you.'
    She sighed. 'We're going to get killed, aren't we?'
    'It looks likely. Our only hope is a surprise attack.'
    'They're staring right at us.'
    'Dammit.' Skulduggery straightened up. 'We have discussed the situation,' he said to them, 'and decided that it would be in everyone's best interests for me to fight you, Melancholia, and for both Valkyrie and Cleric Craven to stand back and cheer or boo as they see fit.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #28
    Derek Landy
    “You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects?'
    He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #29
    Derek Landy
    “Come on. I know you're not a stupid man.'
    'I'm quite stupid. Ask anyone.'
    'Finbar, are there superheroes living among us?'
    Finbar snorted with laughter and Kenny started to feel a little thick. 'Superheroes? In tights and capes, flying around? If there were superheroes, Mr. Journalist, don't you think they'd be in New York or somewhere like that? There's not that many tall buildings for Spiderman to swing from in Dublin, you know? He'd have maybe two good swings and then hang there looking disappointed.'
    'These people don't wear tights and capes, Finbar.'
    'So they're naked superheroes? That's grand for now, but when the good weather is over they're going to regret it.'
    'They look like us. They dress like us. But they're not like us. They're different.'
    'You,' Finbar said. 'Are sounding very racist right now.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

  • #30
    Derek Landy
    “You're in a bad mood,' Skulduggery said. 'I understand. I do. You're saying things that you don't really mean. It's OK.'
    'I'll kill you both.'
    'Hurtful things said in the heat of the moment. We're not going to hold it against you, Bison. We're all friends here.'
    Valkyrie nodded. 'We love you Bison.'
    'We do,' Skulduggery agreed. 'You're our favourite Necromancer. You're the cuddly one.'
    'Shut up,' Dragonclaw said. 'Both of you just shut up.”
    Derek Landy, Death Bringer

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