Devin's quotes

(showing 1-36 of 36)

"Work as if you were to live a thousand years, play as if you were to die tomorrow."
— Benjamin Franklin

8 people liked it

"English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England."
— Matt Groening

tags: humore
43 people liked it

"Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight."
— Phyllis Diller

tags: anger, funny, sleep
841 people liked it

"A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned"
— Benjamin Franklin

tags: funny, inspirational, money
239 people liked it

"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B."
— Fats Domino

tags: funny
627 people liked it

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
— Napoleon Bonaparte

tags: enemies, mistakes, strategy
516 people liked it

"I think war is a dangerous place."
— George W. Bush

tags: dumb, war
55 people liked it

"One of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror. "
— George W. Bush

tags: dumb, iraq, terrorism, war
48 people liked it

"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were. It was us versus them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there."
— George W. Bush

tags: dumb
4 people liked it

"Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it."
— Rodney Dangerfield

tags: crime, funny, humour
264 people liked it

"Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
— Albert Einstein

tags: funny
640 people liked it

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."
— Jon Stewart

tags: canada, funny
203 people liked it

"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain"
— FunnyJon Stewart

tags: funny
16 people liked it

"[Thine] face is not worth sunburning."
— William Shakespeare (Henry V)

tags: funny, henry-v, shakespeare
52 people liked it

"Thou art a very ragged Wart."
— William Shakespeare (Henry IV, Part II)

tags: funny, henry-iv, shakespeare
34 people liked it

"Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc...and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons."
— Douglas Adams

tags: humour
2,100 people liked it

"Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand."
— Kurt Vonnegut

tags: humour, telekinetics
1,015 people liked it

"Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

tags: funny, humour
1,000 people liked it

"Never judge a book by its movie."
— J.W. Eagan

tags: film, humour, manuscript
639 people liked it

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."
— Rodney Dangerfield

tags: crime, funny, humour, neighborhoods
534 people liked it

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
— Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, human, humor, infinity, nature, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
12,532 people liked it

"'It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,' he said. 'Have you thought of going into teaching?'"
— Terry Pratchett (Mort)

tags: discworld, humor, humour, teaching
162 people liked it

"I sent the club a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"."
— Groucho Marx (Groucho and Me)

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership
447 people liked it

"procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday"
— don marquis via archy

tags: humour
36 people liked it

"No intelligent idea can gain general acceptance unless some stupidity is mixed in with it"
— Fernando Pessoa

tags: humour
37 people liked it

"Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon..."
— Terry Pratchett

tags: humour
85 people liked it

"The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits."
— Albert Einstein

tags: humor
2,238 people liked it

"A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go about ten feet and pretend YOU got bit by a snake. Then start an argument about who's going to get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke."
— Jack Handey (Deep Thoughts)

tags: funny, humour
216 people liked it

"... I have never listened to anyone who criticized my taste in space travel, sideshows or gorillas. When this occurs, I pack up my dinosaurs and leave the room."
— Ray Bradbury

tags: humour, individuality, science-fiction
109 people liked it

"Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future."
— Niels Bohr

tags: absurd, humour, truth, wisdom
51 people liked it

"The really frightening thing about middle age is that you know you'll grow out of it.
"
— Doris Day

tags: aging, middle-age
13 people liked it

"You have that vacant look in your eyes that says 'hold my head to your ear and you will hear the sea'."
— Londo Mollari - Babylon 5

tags: humour
10 people liked it

"Remember, if at first you don't succeed - never take up sky-diving."
— Les Barker

tags: humour
9 people liked it

"I personally believe we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain."
— Jane Wagner (The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe)

tags: humour, language
21 people liked it

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."
— Charles Dickens

tags: chocolate, friendship
2,109 people liked it

"And I need you! Despite the fact that you killed all my plants!"
— Music and Lyrics

tags: humor, humour, lyrics
9 people liked it

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tags from Devin's quotes

Henry-IV
Henry-V
Humour
Truth
Wisdom
anger
canada
crime
discworld
dumb
enemies
film
friendship
funny
human nature
humor
humour
individuality
infinity
inspirational
iraq
iraq war
lyrics
manuscript
middle-age
money
neighborhoods
philosophy
science
sleep
strategy
stupidity
teaching
terrorism
universe
war
Absurd
Einstein
Funny
Humour
aging
chocolate
clique
clubs
dumb
funny
humor
humore
humour
language
membership
mistakes
science-fiction
shakespeare
telekinetics
war