From the Bookshelf of The Vernon D. Burns Appreciation Society

Gods of the Jungle Planet
by
Why we're reading this
FUUUUUCKKK YEEEEEAAAAAH!

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What Members Thought

karen
Jan 05, 2012 karen rated it it was amazing
wow. terrible, but with some accidentally good writing in it.

review to come.

heh. come.
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okay, real review starts.... NOW!!

harry turtledove wishes he could write schlock the way vernon d.burns writes schlock.

this book has it all - dinosaurs, scorpions, genocide, dragons, 6-year-old homosexual biologists, boobies, boobies, boobies,meatloaf-as-anal-lubricant, naked mole rats, cranky environmentalist sp
...more
Joshua Nomen-Mutatio
Jan 17, 2012 Joshua Nomen-Mutatio rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Caris O'Malley, Michael Springer
Recommended to Joshua Nomen-Mutatio by: Flyrdknn
Shelves: fiction
Ever get the feeling that your conflicting desires or beliefs or viewpoints are in such irreconcilable opposition that you're actually two distinct personalities housed in one corporeal form? I'd bet dollars to donuts that V.D. Burns is often in this state. I'm no fancified cityboy collegeboy psychologist but I'm pretty sure he is afflicted with The Disease Formerly Known As Multiple Personality Disorder or maybe—just maybe—isn't a person at all, but rather a pseudonym for a wily ghostwriting du ...more
Eh?Eh!
Hahaahahahahahahah!! I love this book!

That's right. This bad boy is 5 stars!! But let me remind you that gr defines 5 stars as "it was amazing." And that's truly what this is: It is amazing...

...ly bad. Those 5 stars represent negative stars.

This deliberate romp into baaaad writing hits one of my tenderest buttons (twss). When a number of items or people is given, I automatically keep track as they go by or, in this case, are killed in various ways. This bastard author throws out a couple winner
...more
Michael
Jan 03, 2012 Michael rated it liked it
Have you ever been lied to by a five-year old? Where the kid starts telling you a story that is obviously made up, but every time the kid starts getting bored with it, they add new ridiculous details that make it even more implausible? And they have no self-awareness that will help them realize you know they're pulling every idea straight out of their ass? You ever had that happen? That's what reading this book is like.

Except it's not written by a five-year old. No: this A.D.D.-influenced opus
...more
Sparrow
This book is like if the best book in the world had a lust affair with the worst book in the world, and that affair resulted in the birth of two children, a brother and a sister. Then, those children had an incestuous affair with each other, which resulted in the birth of two children, a brother and a sister. Then, those incestuous children had an incestuous affair, which resulted in the birth of twins, a brother and a sister. Then those incestuous, incestuous twins had twincest with each other, ...more
Paquita Maria Sanchez
Jan 04, 2012 Paquita Maria Sanchez rated it it was amazing
Shelves: literature
Hey guys! Sorry I'm late....

I received the following notification from Microsoft Word while nearing the end of this book: "There are too many spelling and grammatical errors in 'Gods of the Jungle Planet.rtf' to continue displaying them. To check the spelling and grammar of this document, choose Spelling and Grammar from the tools menu." This made me laugh, but not nearly as much as practically every single line in this glorious piece of shit did.

Look, I've watched Cannibal! The Musical approxim
...more
Steve Lowe
Jan 03, 2012 Steve Lowe rated it did not like it
I don't think God will be very happy when He finds out you used his name in your title. Ph, and by the way, your initials V.D. also stand for Venereal Disease, which is really gross. You might want to think about just going by Vernon from now on.

The only good part of this book was the inter-species sex. I didn't like the gay guy. I thought he was stupid.
Miriam
Jan 03, 2012 Miriam marked it as to-read
Vernon D.
Jan 08, 2012 Vernon D. rated it it was amazing  ·  (Review from the author)
Stefan
Jun 25, 2013 Stefan rated it really liked it
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