lil Jean's comments (member since Apr 11, 2009)

lil Jean's comments from the ¡ POETRY ! group.

Giving lyrics a try for a friends band. What do you think? What can I change? Constructive criticism is the only way I can improve my skills!


Hush

I want to touch you
To feel you
To know you

Hush my poison
Let me speak
Hush my lost soul
I am already weak

I want to hear you
To see you
To be with you

Yet you tell me
As if I already know
You tell me
To let my feelings go

I want to hold you
To kiss you
To know you

Hush my poison
Let me speak
Hush my lost soul
I am already weak

Without you I fear
I fear for my soul
Without you I fear
My heart has fallen short

Hush me, my poison
Hush me, my lost soul
Help me get out
Get out of this dark hole
Hush me, my poison
Hush me, my lost soul

Hush me from this pain…..

This pain I don’t want to know

Copyright 2009 by Jean Ann Townsend ©

Art.. it just is.

The biggest compliment to an artist would be the fact that someone talks about it. If a piece of art written or made otherwise makes one think, the artist has accomplished their goal. Whether the piece is understood or understandable need not apply. It made you think.

I will call it simplicity at its finest.

Alice

Running through the forest
Of a world unknown to me
Wanting to break out of darkness
Wanting to be free
Through the breeze of confusion
Just a girl's soft blonde hair flows
Her blue eyes intently searching
For something they already know

She seems to be comfortable
Sometimes she seems free
But deep down she knows
She knows she has a lot yet to see

She tries to not listen
To those who don't understand
She tries to forget
But finds it is hard in the end
Their words are so hurtful
She tells them to let go
But people keep telling her
Of this world she doesn't want to know

Out of darkness she tries to walk
Into the light of true peace
But where does she belong
In this new world she knows in the least

She finds a past that continues to haunt
Of all the things she has done wrong
Of things she wishes she could forget
From a past to which she no longer belongs
Mystery runs wild
Among these trees she now sees
Obscurity runs rampant
But to happiness she now flees

Copyright 2009 by Jean Ann Townsend ©

Ruth wrote: "I agree, Erica, the pats on the back are nice. But helpful criticism doesn't mean just having a poem's shortcomings pointed out. It also means noticing what's working, what's the best part of the poem.



Call me crazy but there's always better? I would start to question the quality of the posts if all I was getting was praise on my work!

Well first off I think the internet to be a horrible place to get any honest opinions on your work. I have found it to be a place of unspoken, "If you rub my back, I'll rub yours" or ego as is the case. Finding a group of people that you can read your work to and get their opinions in person and face-to-face will in the long run benefit you more. You can also pick up on a lot of your own errors by merely reading your work out loud. Sometimes things make sense when you write them but then when you say them out loud, they would sound better a different way.

Other than the obvious grammar errors, I think a lot of it is in the eyes of the beholder. Like the Twilight series I feel to be horribly written. Great plot and awesome characters but as far as literary masterpiece, it is severely lacking to its predecessors like The Vampire Chronicles or Bram Stoker. Don't fall into the pattern of the critic it will only taint you and make you not appreciate the art of writing as you do now.

As I have stated before, give your opinion and state it as honestly as you can. If you don't like the piece because of the grammar than say so. If it lacks emotion or feeling, touch on the points at hand. If you need more physical description, tell the writer what you are having a hard time picturing. It is not your place to say whether something is of literary excellence. It is your place to tell the writer where you feel they could improve their work. Does that make sense? If you start categorizing what is great and what is poor, then you are being biased and your opinion is lost. You need to say WHAT you are missing from the piece and WHAT isn't moving you as you feel it should. Then and only then will you be of benefit to the writer.

I mean in all reality, how would you feel should a literary professor give you your piece and say, "This isn't written well. It isn't a good piece" or even worse try to conform your writing to emulate their own?!?!!?

An unbiased and non-condescending pov is a good start! It is always horrific to be critiqued by a person whom thinks they hold the world i their hands. Then opinions really do matter! Even if the writer pushes them aside, any good writer wanting to grow thru criticism will take to heart some of what you say. Be honest and you don't have to like everything but remember that there are different forms of writing than what you are accustomed so keep an open mind!

As long as you are a people person and can accept people from different walks of life, finding a group that you mesh with shouldn't be a problem. I think you will be surprised at the amount of knowledge peers in your area have. You don't always have to spend thousands to reap the rewards of literature! It just takes patience and drive to find what you are looking for!

Personally being a part of a couple writer's group, I would strongly suggest starting there. You may even be able to find a mentor that can assist you on a personal level or someone that can direct you to substantial classes. Nothing's worse than paying for something to only find out it wasn't what you were looking for! But again that's just my opinion and I'd hate to see anyone waste their money on such frivolous things.

I don't think it's necessary to plot out fiction either. Perhaps get an idea of the characters you want in your story. Perhaps a general idea of where or what they will be doing. Like my latest series. I made up the 6 major characters and who they will be. Then decided how they would know each other. They go to school together and work together. Than I let the characters take on their appropriate personalities and see where things end up. I don't know. I guess I like being able to go with the flow of writing versus having a structure that you need to follow.

Personally, I wouldn't waste my money in a workshop. Search around locally to find a writer's group you can join. You will learn so much more by your peers than through a textbook or structured class!

As many have posted in other threads, you just need to find your niche and not try to force something that isn't meant to be.

Thank you Gail and Herman for your words.

I have thought in the past that I should disclaimer that poem. When people read it they feel sympathy for me like I was the one whom has lost a child. Whereas it was intended for the sorrows of the world and everyone in it that has lost a child or loved one.

Although I am a spiritual person and even though I may not consider myself of one religion or another, I do believe in God. When something tragic happens in life, God is usually the person you turn to in times of need. Usually the grieving process starts with blame as I have portrayed here, but eventually acceptance and peace comes as time goes on which I have tried to portray in the second. Both are dealing with grief and could be considered therapeutic, however, neither poem was written from experience or from my own feelings. If that makes sense?

Perhaps in it all I have learned a bit about myself in reaching to another place and pulling feelings from there, and even though I cannot walk in someone else's shoes, I can empathize with their experiences and emotions.

Ha HA! Brixton,,,, Just read your about me on your profile





BUAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHH



Jimmy better to be young at heart then old and bitter.

Thanks again! Not a huge fan of country music but know a good artist when I see one. Brad Paisley was awesome! I could have kept shooting him and Taylor Swift forever. Neither one of them ever got boring.

And Brad Paisley for all the ladies!

Thanks Nathan!

I don't intend on stopping posting. This debate is lost and it's useless to even try to help such angry people.

I will post again once my life calms. Just been really busy lately with photographing concerts. Check out my blog if anyone wants to keep track of my whereabouts: www.wakingupjean.blogspot.com

I have pics of Taylor Swift up now and will be posting Keith Anderson and Brad Paisley tonight... hoping to get James Otto and Lady Antebellum up soon also! Hope those of you that visit enjoy! I am very greatful of the talents/opportunities I have been given in life and love to share with anyone that may appreciate it!

* wonders if the all knowing gods will be pleased *

A Poetic Irony

A dull red barrett
Upon my blonde hair now lies
Wine upon my lips

As the music reaches my ears
Before I knew not of the kiss
Certainty in all that I lacked
Definitely not here to bring mere bliss

Earth...
Mindless people
Telling me so
Touch me... Penetrate me...
Earth...

Now use me as your pen
Teach me all that you know
Treat me as one's great friend
And never let me go

Ready... Look now!
Without sound... fellow novice poet.
Tell me that of what you see.

A Poetic Irony?



Copyright 2009 by Jean Ann Townsend ©

Jimmy wrote: "It must be admitted, however, that the "mature" folks failed to make a dent in the views of the "immature" folks. "

That is because they know all. They would not want an "immature" poet to know of things they could not learn through their textbooks and workshops.

Their points although not lost, have little credit when the arrogance of their ways radiates. I apologize for grouping Jim with Ruth cause although I think he may have a bit of unfounded superiority as Ruth, I think his posts to be at times useful. For that I am sorry. It would be nice to be constructive and not so demeaning. Not everyone will agree. I didn't join this debate to demean anyone but felt like a cornered animal at times and reacted as such. For that I also apologize. I did not mean to insult anyone and the few I feel I have done wrong to, I have taken up in private conversation.

I will leave this debate on that note knowing my views to be of no importance to the superior members of this board. Michael your post is of interest to me and I plan to research it further. I think that view of great knowledge and if anything came out of this debate it was to open my eyes to that. So thanks!

Fair enough. I thank you for your honesty. The poem was written for someone close to me that lost their child. I personally have never had to experience such a horrible thing, but seeing the death of a child is very tragic. I could never imagine it my own especially at such a young age as this child.

I am truly sorry for your loss Marian.

I posted another of my earlier works for critique as I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable critiquing my writing.

Critique some of my earlier work. I know I copyright it 2008. I think it to be a couple years older than that. I want to see your opinions on this to see if it is the same as what I have changed in the years since I wrote this. So.... What's it missing? Where's it need improvement? Edit... Analyze... and pick it apart! Thanks!

HOW COULD GOD?

How could God take my sunshine? How could God take my baby?
How could God take the love of my life and leave me such a lost lady?
For days I have not smiled. For days I have cried many tears.
For days I have sat wondering how I will continue throughout the years.

I know you are up above watching. I know you are up above playing.
But down here I cry, looking in your bed where you should be laying.
Where your clothes still lie. Where your toys are spread around your room.
In a world that once had sunshine and flowers that once used to bloom.

I will continue to wake up every day to a new task
But every day I will continue, continue to ask:
How could God take my sunshine? How could God take my baby?
How could God forget me and leave me here waiting?


Copyright 2008 by Jean Ann Townsend ©


If the first a touchy subject for you, then feel free to critique this one. Both written around the same time. Unsure of the specific date but copyrighted 2008 as I know it was not any later than that.

LETTER TO MY GUARDIAN ANGELS

Watch over me and hold me tight
Watch over me all through the night
Too soon your day came
But I will always know your name

For because of you I am me
And because of you I will see
All the world and its wonders
Knowing your love through all its blunders

One thing I will always miss
Seeing your face and enjoying your bliss
I will remember you until the end
Remembering you as my best friend

While you are up in heaven looking down
I never want to make you frown
God is so lucky to have you at his side
In your love I will always abide

You love me so much, this I know
All I have to ask before I now go
Please watch over me all through the night
Watch over me and hold me tight


Copyright 2008 by Jean Ann Townsend ©

Jim wrote: ""think that knowing the alphabet and having some "feelings" are all that's needed to be a poet. "

If this was directed at me, then I think you missed my point. I think it argumentative that people think knowing the alphabet and learning imagery to make them a poet....?

Emotions and expressing them through words takes more than imagery otherwise anyone could be a great writer.

Alas it takes BOTH abilities to make a memorable piece. That I can agree. Works without imagery are lacking but works with no emotion are lacking all the same. You can't write with just imagery and no emotion yet many writers these days do just that. Write because they think that society will approve of their words and have no meaning or emotion behind those words. I find these pieces boring and insulting to poetry. Poetry is a form of self expression. Self expression is one's feelings and emotions. Any work lacking as such is not poetry in my eyes.

John wrote: But anyway, all this talk about "feeling" and "emotion" leaves out the technical side, which can be taught. Beethoven and Picasso had teachers, of course."

Completely agreed! But nonetheless there are things in every form of art that just cannot be taught.

um... the full quote:

Jean wrote: I just doubt any great poet of history would sit here calling people amateur as if they were some superior writer. Granted a historically great poet probably wouldn't be here in the first place. lol

I think the post I was trying to make is that any great artist wouldn't stick their nose to the air as some have here. It radiates of insecurities, unprofessionalism, and plain disrespect for the art in itself. The last sentence was more directed at the fact that they have better things to do then meddle with such frivolous things.


I don't know all the rules nor do Ruth or Jim. Their only claim to fame is having a couple works published as many have here. Ruth even states her studies are a more recent thing and that "she started late in life." It begs to wonder how she consider herself so much more knowledgeable than those of us that have devoted our entire lives to writing whether it be poetry or other things. I find it insulting that someone thinks they can spend all the money in the world and think they better than I whom have actually been doing this all my life. Considered talented and gifted as a child and studying the art of reading and writing from a VERY young age.

I also find the demeaning nature of a few select to be rude to the group as a whole, and don't understand where their superiority is founded. I don't see them any further in the literary world than the next yet their minds are closed to other people that do things different than them. I DO know my weaknesses and have learned in this group yet these few think themselves to be perfect. I know for a fact my work to never be perfect but I also know who I am. I know my talents not to be wasted.