Britty's comments (member since Jun 29, 2009)

Britty's comments from the ¡ POETRY ! group.

I wrote this when I was younger....tell me what you think....
Bogeyman

Hiding in the corner
Sheltered by the dark
Is the Boogie Man for sure
Spooky as a shark

I know he’s in my closet
And underneath my bed
He’s always in my nightmares
Howling in my head

I’ve never really seen him
Or felt his icy touch
Buy I hear the creepy noises
For me that’s way too much

I hide beneath the covers
And silently I pray
That the Boogie Man will leave
And the sun will bring the day

I really do appreciate all of your comments and I'm working hard to improve this piece. Although you all make very good points, my take on poetry is that you could have all of these ideas and thoughts and details in it all together, but then what is there left to ponder? It shouldn't be out in the open so you to understand the piece, you have to read it over and over and then find your own take on the message. That's just my take on it and I hope you'll all continue to help me out with your suggestions because I'm not a pro. I'm working on it and will come back with something soon. Thanks!

I'm working on getting across the feelings of a teen who is addicted to drugs and they feel that everyone is against them- that no one tried hard enough to help them or even talk and find out what the problem was. It's not my story, but experience with friends, it kind of weighs on you to see that.
Ok....Here you go...



My insides boil for the moments lost
Rumbling like thunder
Blisters bubble over letting pus escape
long past due I have stood here
holding in the silence
screaming and crying inside
Deep in my lock box
I threw the key away
Trying to hide the truth and pain
Plastic faces
String tied smiles
Try to fill the spaces
of my broken heart
but I push them away
my deflector up and ready
How could they understand?
Where were they then?
When I needed their help.
As I tumble down into the deep
Nightmares haunt me
whispering not to run-give up
I’ve been living a lie
Trapped by the monster
No one can see it
The pain he caused
It’s not on the surface
There’s no antidote
No kiss of life
To touch my hardened lips
No magic words to break the spell
For I am shattered beyond repair
And you have sat by
Watching it happen
On your island of light
you left me in the dark
Where the shadows abide
My soul crumbles
Blown by the wind
Sweet dreams.

I wouldn't have put this on here if I didn't want it to be poked and proded, in a very good and helpful way. Thank you all for your advice, I tried out some things, tell me what you think, even if it's not any better. I tried to shorten it and make the pictures not so fuzzy. It's hard to get it out in words, but here you go....enjoy.



My insides boil for the moments lost
Rumbling like thunder
Blisters bubble over
Letting puss escape
Long past due
I have stood here
Holding in the silence
Screaming and crying inside
Deep in my lock box
I threw the key away
Plastic faces
String tied smiles
Try to fill the spaces
Of my broken heart
But I push them away
My deflector up and ready
Bouncing off the sad
Worried looks
As I tumble Down into the deep
To far to go back
No whisper deceives me
I’ve been living a lie
No one can see it
Touch it
Hold in their hands
Prod it and find a cure
There’s no antidote
No kiss of life
To touch my hardened lips
No magic words to break the spell
For I am shattered beyond repair
And you have sat by
Watching it happen
You left me in the dark
Sweet dreams.

Thanks! I don't know what inspired me, just feelings, maybe over exaggerated, but that's what poetry is all about, it just has to make sense to you and then it's beautiful!

My insides boil
Rumble around
Growing hotter
Blisters bubble over
Puss escapes
Long past due
I have stood here
Waiting
Holding it in
Screaming and crying inside
Deep in my lock box
I threw the key away
Plastic faces
String tied smiles
Words not meant
Come out to me
Not really hitting
My deflector up
Bounces off the care
Worried looks
As I tumble
Down into the deep
To far to go back
Out of service range
No whisper escapes
I’ve been living a lie
No one can see it
Touch it
Hold in their hands
Prod it and find a cure
There’s no antidote
No kiss of life
To touch my hardened lips
No magic words to break the spell
For I am shattered
Beyond repair
And you have sat by
And watched it happen
Sweet dreams.

I like your style, it's very unique and very detailed. It's kind of funny- the whole capitalization thing... I enjoy your work. :)

Megan wrote: "britty... maybe DO you love me... it's good but the doubt there would still linger into present tense... trust me... it always lingers... "

I was thinking more of did you love me when I was born, why did you give me up....wanting to know if the reason for leaving was that he didn't love me. Just how I thought of it.

The good days


Back to the days of me and you
Two kids in a small town
We grew up together
Went to the fair
Ate candy, rode rides till we puicked
Life was simple
Around the block
Dreaming of big cities
Where money grows on trees
And ice cream always in the freezer
Walking home from school
Hand in hand
Not thinking of homework
Or chores at the house
Just me and my angel
Side by side.

ok!

Thank you Lama Milkweed, I'm glad you love it!

Thank you Gail. I'm between feelings right now, I just felt like writing down my feeling of the matter. It really is the story of my life, though I do not, and probably won't, know him.

It's hard to know how to live with this, even though I have a good "dad" that raised me. I'm very thankful to him, I hope he knows that. My family isn't perfect, but we make the best of it. I enjoy writing on everything that makes me feel passionate, and this was one of those things.

-bRiTtY

Please Critique, how can I make it better?



I have wandered on and on
Without you
What makes you think that now
You’re the center of my life?
You were never there
To tuck me into bed
To chase away the monsters
Hiding in the closet
You gave me up when I was young
And now you want me back
I don’t need you
I don’t want you
In my life
I never knew you
Never saw your face
But how can a father
Not want his own daughter?
What makes him walk away
And not look back?
Did you even love me?
Did I even cross your mind
When you were out?
But I have moved on
With my life
My father loves me more than you
Ever could
I may not look like him
Or share his blood
But he has loved me
Like his own for all my life
What make a father turn his back?
And walk away?
And leave his flesh and blood behind?
But I am better off now
And I can live my life
So just walk away.

I think this is great, freestyle, but it has it's own rhythm to it. Awesome.

This is an awesome poem that made me think of myself, I am that girl, we all are sometimes. I like your willingness to write about how you see yourself and what your feeling. It's inspiring to read. Greatest luck to you! Keep it up!

-bRiTtY

I really enjoyed this one. makes me think about a lot of things. very touching as Mae said.

thanks Gail! nice to hear from you again.

we need to accept mentally handicapped people more and befriend them, because if we don't, who will? sure people take care of them, but they need friends.

wow.

I just found out that one of my friends who's in the popular crowd (unlike me)-her brother is a little like that and he's in one of my classes. She didn't even care that people knew he was her brother. Totally cool with it. I've started looking at people like that in way that's not different that we are. we're the same, they're just gifted more in a way we don't always understand.