Ronyell Ronyell's Comments (member since Jul 31, 2010)


Ronyell's comments from the ¡ POETRY ! group.

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233 Teacher Problems

The room smelled like old papers and black ink.
He looked at me with his sharp red glasses
his tie was red, his face was full of redness
and his voice was high-pitched.
He’d handed us an accounting assignment
that hardly anyone understood, and he would not
make the flow of the calculations easier.
When my paper was late, he yelled at me,
told me I should have done the WORK like I was supposed to.
I try to forget what he said and the harsh tone of his voice; try
to hide it deep inside. But every night
it comes out, always stronger,
always more hurtful.

Ronyell Coaxum
May 25, 2011 01:55AM

233 She was teased
For doing well
"She's not smart"
"Loser"
"She's stuck up."
She hears rumors.
She cries.

She bites her lip
And bites her nails
And makes another A.
May 25, 2011 01:48AM

233 Jimmy wrote: "Your poem continues to improve, Ronyell. That's why people rewrite. Check out the following poem. See how the poet uses understatement to describe a hurtful incident.

Incident
by Countee Cullen

..."


This poem is extremely powerful Jimmy! It made me feel remorse for that person and the poem was short enough to express the entire incident.
May 24, 2011 02:14PM

233 Rob the Obscure wrote: "Ronyell - don't worry about that ass hole teacher. He's an idiot, and the problem is his poor teaching, not your performance.

Do what you have to do to complete the class, wipe the dust from yo..."


Thank you so much Rob! I really appreciate that! :D
May 24, 2011 02:12PM

233 Thanks Joan and Ruth! The poem does sound much stronger!
May 24, 2011 02:11PM

233 Dan wrote: "Ronyell, how does this drastic trimming grab you?


She was teased
For doing well
"She's not smart"
"Loser"
"She's stuck up."
She hears rumors.
She cries.

She bites her lip
And bites..."


This sounds really great Dan!
May 24, 2011 02:10PM

233 Ruth wrote: "THE POOL PLAYERS.
SEVEN AT THE GOLDEN SHOVEL.


We real cool. We
Left school. We

Lurk late. We
Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We
Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We
Die soon.

----------Gwendolyn Brooks"


Thanks Ruth!! This definitely sounds like a great poem!
May 24, 2011 12:02PM

233 Dan wrote: "Ronyell, how does this drastic trimming grab you?


She was teased
For doing well
"She's not smart"
"Loser"
"She's stuck up."
She hears rumors.
She cries.

She bite her lip
And bites ..."


Would this still be a poem if its trimmed this short?
May 24, 2011 11:47AM

233 This girl was teased by other students throughout high school
For doing well on her schoolwork and studying to go to college
Names like "she's not smart because she didn't study"
And "Loser" pop up
And everyday she hears vicious rumors like “she’s stuck up because she’s smart”
Being spread about her
She breaks down and cry her soul out
Those bullies just use violence liked punching that girl to bring her down
But that smart girl will rise above them all
And show them that she is a much stronger person now
May 23, 2011 09:21PM

233 Ruth wrote: "Much better."

Thanks!!
May 23, 2011 08:36PM

233 The room smelled like old papers and black ink.
He looked at me with his sharp red glasses
his tie was red, his face was full of redness
and his voice was high-pitched.
He’d handed us an accounting assignment
that hardly anyone understood, and he would not
make the flow of the calcuations easier.
When my paper was late, he yelled at me,
told me I should have done the WORK like I was supposed to.
I try to forget what he said and the harsh tone of his voice, try
to hide it deep inside. But every night
it comes out, always stronger,
always more hurtful.
May 23, 2011 09:07AM

233 Ruth wrote: "Much better, Ronyell. You've got a few real concrete details we can get our teeth into. The red glass, red tie, red face work really work.

Now what you need to do is get rid of everything where ..."


That sounds much better Ruth! Thank you so much! I now understand what to do!
May 23, 2011 09:05AM

233 Jimmy wrote: "Despite several flaws, Ronyell, it's a vast improvement over the earlier draft. But if you want to get over this whole incident, it might be time to let it go and move on. Or talk to someone who ca..."

Well, this incident actually happened in college and even though I have already graduated from college, this still bothers me even though I don't have to see that teacher again. What can I do to get over this because I really want to get over this and I don't ever want to use my poems to attack people. That's just not my style. But, this incident really upset me and writing it down did help me out a bit, but still I want to get over it.
Smart Girl (2 new)
May 23, 2011 05:09AM

233 This girl was teased throughout high school
For being brilliant and just wanting to go to college
Names like "she's not smart because she didn't study"
And "Loser" pop up
Why don't these people realize that this smart girl
Has feelings too
And she is like everyone else
Maybe you don't realize that in high school
Trying to fit in with the "in" crowd
And not caring about the future
Maybe they're just jealous
Because they can't study or be successful like the smart girl
That smart girl is only doing what is best for her
Trying to fit in like everyone else
And everyday she hears the hurtful words being said about her
She breaks down and cry her soul out
And she her stomach is in turmoil
And she wonders why everyone was so mean to her
Her soul feels like it is tearing down and never coming together
While pure anger surges through her
As she thinks to herself "what makes them so special?"
They are no different from that smart girl
They are just as insecure and different as the smart girl
Why can't they see that they and the smart girl are the same
Those bullies just use harsh words and violence to bring that girl down
That smart girl just wants to be accepted
Why can't anyone understand that?
But that smart girl will rise above them all
And show them that she is stronger than that
May 23, 2011 05:08AM

233 The anger in his voice
Felt like a million knives sticking inside of me
He looked at me with his sharp red glasses
While wearing a red tie and brown work shoes
And when he was angry, his face was full of redness
And his voice was high pitched with anger and frustration
Although I am the one who is frustrated
And the room smell like old papers and black ink
This catastrophe started with a terrible assignment he handed out to us
The work became more distant to me as time rolled on
And he would not make the flow of the calcuations easier on anyone
And when my paper was turned in late, his harsh words destroyed my sanity
And the anger rised up in me in a wave of fire
For no words came to my mouth
As pain filled me up when he yelled at me
And I was alone with no one to help me out
Every night the haunting angry words rush inside of me
Never going away and invading my soul like a parasite
My whole world was torn apart by his hurtful words
What can stop this madness from invading my mind?
Tried to hide it in the deepest, darkest depths of my soul
But it still comes out stronger and more hurtful than before
Go away you devilish words of pain
Go away so my mind can be at peace again
Let true peace invade my soul again
Let the kind words of my other teachers override this evil
And let me live my life in peace and humility!
May 21, 2011 02:21AM

233 Here is my revision on my poem "Teacher Problems."

The anger in his voice
Felt like a million knives sticking inside of me
This catastrophe started with a terrible assignment he assigned to us
The assignment became more distant to me as time rolled on
And he would not make the flow of the assignment easier on anyone
And when my assignment was turned in late, his harsh words destroyed my sanity
And the anger rised up in me in a wave of fire
Every night the haunting angry words rush inside of me
Never going away and invading my soul like a parasite
My whole world was torn apart by his hurtful words
What can stop this madness from invading my mind?
Tried to hide it in the deepest, darkest depths of my soul
But it still comes out stronger and more hurtful than before
Go away you devilish words of pain
Go away so my mind can be at peace again
Let true peace invade my soul again
Let the kind words of my other teachers override this evil
And let me live my life in peace and humility!
May 19, 2011 10:18PM

233 Thanks for the advice! I'll revise this poem!
May 19, 2011 02:06AM

233 I can hear the anger in his voice
It felt like a million knives sticking inside of me
Every night I keep hearing the haunting anger words rushing inside of me
Never going away no matter how hard I tried to make it go away
I feel like my whole world is torn apart by his hurtful words
I tried to figure out what I can do to stop this madness from invading my mind
I tried to hide it in the deepest, darkest depths of my soul
But it still comes out stronger and more hurtful than before
Go away you devilish words of pain
Go away so my mind can be at peace again
And I will know what true peace is all about again!
Let the kind words of my other teachers override this evil
And let me live my life in peace and humility!
Mar 10, 2011 09:23PM

233 Prejudice and racism is brewing across the world.
Wars, terrorism, destruction lays in wake of the people.
How do we prevent it, stop it, and keep it spreading from so far?
How do we break it, sever it and put down the hate?

Who is that person in the mirror?
The person in the mirror who looks like you?
Can that person in the mirror stop the hatred?
Yes, that person in the mirror can stop all the hatred around.

People are spewing racist comments about others of different color.
Comments about women and minorities not being apart of society are floating in the air.
Do those comments break, torture and shame that person?
Do those people feel sad, unhappy and upset at such comments being said?

The person in the mirror is you.
You and everyone else can make a difference.
The person in the mirror is everywhere.
So, everyone lend a helping hand and stop racism and prejudice from spreading.
233 Moss and The Actor were really great!!! It's kind of tough to chose but I chose the Actor!
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