Michelle's comments (member since Jun 09, 2009)

Michelle's comments from the Q&A with Dave Cullen group.

I don't mind answering that. I was worried about the effect it would have on me. but I felt it was important to read it and try to understand what happened and if there were any whys to the story, what they were.

I was apprehensive at the start because I was worried there might be a lot of gory details in the book like a detailed timeline of who got shot when, who bled when, etc. I was really relieved that this kind of story was NOT told, because not only would that have been stressful, it would have been insulting, I think, to the victims to have their stories only deal with the last few moments of their lives, which were so horrifying. However, the sense of dread I have felt reading other books of this type, such as the book "American Terrorist" about Timothy McVeigh, which I expected to feel, never arose, and I think it was because of the structure of the book, which began dealing with the victims right away.

I did often feel anger towards the killers, and frustration. When you read their writings a lot of things seem obvious, but the most enlightening passages, about the FBI profile of Eric Harris and the insights that scientists had into his pathology, were enormously helpful in helping me deal with my anger and NOT directing it toward his parents, his doctor, his teachers or anyone else "responsible" for him. On the face of it, I thought before I read the book that it would be impossible for teenagers plotting to blow up their school to really hide it for so long, but when I understand what Eric really was like, it made perfect sense that he acted many different ways to others, and hid his real intentions from them all. This made sense to me, and helped me deal with my anger and frustration. I found my overall response to be a lot more compassionate then I expected, given the enormity of the situation, and I really think this book has changed the way I think about media reports of stories that become sensational. There's just too much going on to learn, to make snap judgments about any event.

I did find though many times wishing I could go back and stop it, a very helpless and frustrating feeling that I suppose is normal.

Thanks for explaining your writing process Dave, and I'm really glad you were so honest about the returns (or lack thereof) of the writing life, and what you went through personally writing this book. I'm sure you never imagined you'd be the "keeper of Columbine."

I was glad to hear that it was the victims who first inspired you to cover this story, and I want to tell you that you did a wonderful job telling their stories and giving them an equal voice. I especially felt for the one parent who was involved in the lawsuits against the Denver police -- his name escapes me but he was the one parent who was always very angry and kind of the thorn in everyone's side. I felt for him the most. You represented all of the victims well and ultimately, I think, when I did cry at the end (which for me was at the time of the killers suicide), I felt that I wept for the magnitude of the loss they created as well as the loss of the killers lives, because there seemed to be many chances for their plan to be aborted along the way, despite the obvious truth that Eric was going to be a dangerous person, whether he was stopped then, or not.

Dave, I learned a lot from your book and its tragic subject. I wondered what was the impetus behind using the structure you did in the book (two timelines, one for the killers and one for the event aftermath and victims), and if you considered other ways of structuring the content? Were you concerned that this particular way of structuring the content might "equate" the killers with their victims?