Comedy

[close] With the whip-crack tenacity of a Raymond Chandler novel, we are pushed right into the heart of the action and emerge breathless and bloodied but with a greater understanding of this elusive craft. Reg Cribb

Novelist and filmmaker Ron Elliott’s five mini novels bring cinema’s best known genres to the page. For the price of two movie tickets, readers can experience noir cinema, a romantic farce, a comedy heist, a thriller and a classic Aussie road movie.

These stories have been written to be consumed with the same kind of enjoyment with which we go to see a movie. Full of cinematic references they celebrate celluloid and digital via the written word.

[close]

[close] THIS IS A JUVENILE ADVENTURE FOR AGES 7-12

EXCERPT -- FOREWORD

FOREWORD
Hello folks! My name is Felicia Feline, and this is the story of Freepetopia.
You've never . . . what do you mean you've never heard of it? It's the most fantastic place in the world and you've never heard of it? Wow!

Ok, to give you credit, it is a place for animals only, so you may not have heard of it, unless your pet has been there and told you about it.

And stop looking at me like you think I'm making this up. It's definitely a real place. Besides, do you think I could make up such a name? Okay, well actually I did make up the name, but I had to call it something! But that doesn't mean the place isn't real!

It's a wonderful place where cats talk -- like me -- and dogs walk upright; where fish fly and birds swim . . . I'm serious, so stop rolling your eyes. Don't think because I'm a cat that I don't know what that means!

Listen! I'll make this simple. It's the place where us animals go to get away from you humans every once in a while. Haven't you ever wondered where we disappear to for hours at a time when you let us out to play?

That's right! Freepetopia!

It's kind of like your human vacation, only we get to go to Freepetopia whenever we want; when you decide to let us out of the house. I feel kind of sorry for those pets that never get to come because they never get let outside of the house, or have to spend all of their time in a fenced back yard.

I do want to get something straight, though. Whenever you're standing on the front porch at the end of the day, whistling and whistling, trying to get us to come home -- it's not that we don't hear you. We do. We're just not ready to come back yet, but we always do -- come back, that is.

I know what you're thinking now. You want to know why we don't just stay in Freepetopia, if it's so great. Maybe we will -- someday -- but for now, we come back because you humans provide us with a different sort of entertainment. You don't realize how funny you are to us animals, do you? Sometimes when we bark or meow, we're really just laughing at your antics. Goodness, but you humans are strange beings! We animals are lucky to have such funny masters.

Of course, not all animals that visit our fair hideaway have masters. Some come from places I've never even heard of, just to see what Freepetopia is all about. Word does get around. Sometimes the animals that show up are not-so-nice bullies. You know what I mean. You have people bullies, too.
Other times the animals that show up are really, really scary -- like that three-eyed lizard-looking thing that showed up one time. Boy! Was that something!

Anyway, I didn't mean to get off track. Now, where was I? Ah, yes! I was trying to explain how Freepetopia is a great place. It is supposed to be a secret though, so you may want to know why I
decided to share our secret place with you humans. Well, the main reason is because of what happened at the end of one of our escapades; the not-so-grand escapade I am going to share with you today.

The second reason is that . . . well, I figured it was about time, is all. You humans have unknowingly provided us animals with an endless supply of laughs, so I simply thought to return the favor. Who knows, maybe you'll end up wishing that you could be an animal, too. Just so you can join us someday.

In the meantime -- welcome -- and enjoy your adventure, as seen through the eyes of your pets. [close]

[close] NOTE: COPIES ARE SIGNED!

Roger "Hack” O’Callahan is angry. Even though he’s managed four World Series-winning teams over a career spanning more than forty years, he’s finally encountered a foe he can’t beat: liver cancer.

Armed with a supply of his favorite cheap whiskey (“Old Reliable”) and with his sharp tongue zipping off callous remarks from his foul mouth, Hack decides to spit in the face of his impending demise by worming his way into managing the AA Hoplite Magpies, a team divided and at odds with each other and the rest of the Northern League. As Hack instills a little “old school” discipline in this rag-tag bunch, he comes to find that his players are keeping secrets of their own, secrets that threaten to tear his clubhouse and the world of sports apart at the seams, and which may ultimately cost them their lives.

The omnibus version of the series originally released in three parts, "Hack: The Complete Game" is a thrilling roller coaster ride of a comedy similar to "Major League" or "Bull Durham," with plenty of dark twists that will keep you laughing and guessing until its shocking conclusion.

HERE'S WHAT REVIEWERS ARE SAYING ABOUT THE SERIES:

"D.J. Gelner, author of the insanely fun novel "Jesus Was a Time Traveler" once again hits a home run with his newest series, "Hack"...Needless to say I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Once again, the author proves that he has what it takes to convince even the most skeptical of us of his literary genius." -Dennis Berry, Reviews4Readers.com, on "Hack: Innings 1-3"

"The writer here is terrific. He is cracker-jack paced and his descriptions are vivid. He doesn't flinch from powerful images. Hack is a disgusting, foul-mouthed old man, at least at the start, and the writer lets you see him in all his glory...if you like your books gritty and real, and/or are looking for a good sports story, I'd check this one out!" -Review of "Hack: Innings 1-3" on Amazon.

"[L]ike a good baseball movie, I found myself riveted during the games. Even if you don't understand the game all that well, Gelner makes it easily accessible." -Review of "Hack: Innings 1-3" on Amazon.

"[C}haracters so real I could swear they were flesh and blood...D.J. Gelner has some magic in his writer's fingertips, because beyond the appeal that underdogs hold for me - and in spite of (or because of) Hack's cantankerous tongue - I remained riveted by his story. I devoured Innings 1-3, read Innings 4-6 in one sitting, and now impatiently await the final installment of the serial: Innings 7-9. Don't miss this one. It's good!" -Review of "Hack: Innings 1-3" on Amazon.

"I continue to be impressed with the writer. He takes twists and turns I'm not expecting, but he does it with such confidence I just followed along. He continues to portay the world of men and sports with a vivid and unflinching hand...there's heart at the bottom of all of it, heart as Hack and the team members find themselves. I am definitely 'caught' and can't wait for the third installment to see how it all comes out!" -Review of "Hack: Innings 4-6" on Amazon.

"Like Innings 1-3, Innings 4-6 is a rip-roaring read , exciting, engrossing, and with many surprise twists, I can't wait for Innings 7-9!" -Review of "Hack: Innings 4-6" on Amazon.

"[V]ery easy read and entertaining throughout. Thought the characters were real and stayed true, Keep it up DJ. cant wait for 7-9." -Review of "Hack: Innings 4-6" on Amazon.

"DJ Gelner is ahead of his time. Loved this three-part series. Definitely a page turner, exciting, funny, and heart-wrenching at the same time. Gelner 'knocked it out of the park'!" -Review of "Hack: Innings 4-6" on Amazon. [close]