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Mean Girls Grown Up: Adult Women Who Are Still Queen Bees, Middle Bees, and Afraid-To-Bees

3.38  ·  Rating Details  ·  237 Ratings  ·  39 Reviews
Almost every woman has experienced bullying. Whether her role was that of victim, aggressor, or bystander, the pain of relational aggression (female bullying) lasts long after the incident has passed. "In Mean Girls Grown Up," Cheryl Dellasega explores why women are often their own worst enemies, offering practical advice for a variety of situations. Drawing upon extensive ...more
ebook, 256 pages
Published December 8th 2010 by Wiley (first published August 1st 2005)
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(showing 1-30 of 724)
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Sep 01, 2010 Michelle rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: read-in-2010
I picked this book up hoping it would provide advice on navigating the complexities of subtle female aggression in relationships, particularly as they occur at work.

This book did not offer advice. Instead, it spent 85-90% of it's content diagnosing the problem and describing it through first person accounts of women who had been victimized.

Look: you aren't going to pick this book up if you are a "Queen Bee", you are going to pick this book up if you find yourself in situations where you are the
May 31, 2012 Lara rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: feminism
This book was worthless. The author provides, collectively, about 40 pages of original material; the rest is just essays or recollections she gathered from other women about what she terms "Female Relational Aggression (RA)." That, however, is not the only problem with this book.

While I was certainly annoyed by the lack of information in this book, I was also infuriated by many of the conclusions offered. For instance, in the first chapter she lists and summarizes the four main theories about wh
Jeanine Marie Swenson
Why do some areas of life seem like the nightmarish aspects of middle school and high school all over again? Have you ever wondered why some women, in the face of competition, regress to catty, back stabbing, ganging up and cruel behaviors toward other women? Well then, this is the book for you. Analysis can be the first step in understanding and changing behavior or at least not overpersonalizing it, and Dr. Cheryl Dellasega does a beautiful job in explaining relational aggression; that way tha ...more
Caitlin Shaw
Jun 30, 2012 Caitlin Shaw rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An important look into how female bullying doesn't end in high school but remains a reality for women throughout their lives.
May 09, 2011 Desiree rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: nonfiction
Eh. I really wanted to like this book, because I think it has a lot of good things to say about the horrible things girls do to each other, which often DO continue into adulthood.
However, the cohesion problems presented by soliciting stories from other women were more than I could bear at times. It could have benefited from MUCH tighter editing... Some of the stories were virtually unreadable, and even some of the author's own text was left with several typos of the homophone type (flare for fla
Apr 16, 2013 Annie rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: sociology, junk
This book seemed like it would be helpful in helping one navigate adult female relationships, especially in the workplace but it was not. I thought it would at least have studies to back up some of the author's claims but it was just a collection of essays and first person accounts of 'bullying'.
Rachael Kvapil
Oct 30, 2014 Rachael Kvapil rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I found this book extremely helpful in identifying female aggressiveness and its reasons in everyday life. Perhaps I've kinda always known what drives it, especially since I danced in a performing company for 25 years. However, our company of girls was particularly supportive, a culture different than other studios. We heard horror stories of backbiting and exclusion among ballerinas and did everything to not be "them."

That knowledge did not easily translate into other aspects of my life. There
This book has a lot of good information on how women can be manipulative intentionally and unintentionally. I cold have done with half the examples. Women are so mean! I hope that I never act like a Queen Bee.
Mitzi Moore
Jun 02, 2012 Mitzi Moore rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: sociology
We think bullying is something that happens between adolescents, but sometimes negative behaviors persist into adulthood. "Relational aggression" is harmful be can be fixed. Women need to support one another.
Aug 19, 2008 Michelle rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
For any woman who has ever had a problem with another female. I wish I could have read this book a few years ago. Very Insightful to me.
Feb 01, 2011 Natalie rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Wow, eye opening. Made me really aware and now I hope every person I know reads it too..
May 07, 2010 Kristy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: book-club
This book should be required reading for every woman. Great read!
Jun 04, 2013 Emily rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I picked up this book on a whim because it was on the shelf across from the Sewing Section at my local used bookstore. It looked interesting, and for $2, I figured "why not?"

I had never heard of "relational aggression" before reading this book, so it was a very informative read and ultimately comforting to be able to put a name to one of the most awful experience with another woman that I've ever encountered in the workplace.

However, there were a couple things that bothered me about this book
Pretty interesting summary of relational aggression all grown up and in various venues, from work to the PTO to one's in-laws. There's no systematic data but lots of good anecdotes and analysis of said anecdotes. This is an easy read and a good one, especially for girls and young women who are exploring a wider environment than they are used to, and especially if they did not grow up with a great deal of RA.
Aug 05, 2015 Aliya rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This is my 4th read on the topic, yet the book offered new insights which others didn't. If you're an attractive, well educated, confident woman with an aura then God help you, because wherever you'll go, you'd meet women hostile to you. This book validates thoughts which may otherwise seem vain.

It lacks tips for victims so I took off 1 star. Good book overall.
Lynnette Flatt
Jun 01, 2015 Lynnette Flatt rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I thought this book was very insightful into the world of relational aggression. I had not heard of RA until now. I believe forms of RA begin in grade school and continue throughout a woman's life. I found the examples to be very applicable, and the author provided tools of thought and speak for overcoming RA situations.
Sep 29, 2014 Amy rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Repetitive and disappointing. Slightly depressing. I was hoping for more information about how to handle relational aggression, but the entire book had this tone of, "Yeah, most women are cruel and selfish. Deal with it by avoiding Queen Bees and getting a therapist." Very little advice, almost entirely stories about RA experiences. I just couldn't handle it anymore, skimmed the last five chapters and gave up on it which I rarely do. If you're writing a report on RA it might be helpful I guess.
Jerry Peace
Oct 26, 2013 Jerry Peace rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I know a little about bullying, but thought it generally a pre-adult behavior. It seems in the case of women I am wrong. Having always worked almost exclusively with men, I am blind to these hateful dynamics. We men have our sets of deleterious cudgels, but not this queen bee millstone. Though I do think most men turn a blind eye, rationalizing that "that's just the way women are." The personal stories are worth everyone's read and the best chapter is "The Power of Forgiveness," particularly "Wa ...more
This book was a little disappointing given the information I was seeking. I wanted to get a better understanding of what, beyond being insecure, allows the Queen Bee and the Middle Bee to emerge in various settings, the workplace, the volunteer group, etc. and how to manage it short of a group intervention or quitting/leaving the group.

This book is largely comprised of email submissions of women who seem to be admins, entry to mid-level in corporate settings, nurses, and volunteers. It did not
This book explained to me why 'school-girl' behavior doesn't go away after school is over. Not everyone grows up and becomes an adult just because they hit 18.
Nov 11, 2014 Skyler rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
It would be mean to just give it two stars. It was pretty good but mostly useful to women in the work place. It made me so glad I am self employed. I thought the "Middle Bee" and "Afraid to Bee" language was silly.
Wendy Mcauley
Jan 23, 2016 Wendy Mcauley rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This book helped me realize that I'm not crazy--women really do act like that! Unfortunately it occurs too often in the workplace. I saw my past work situation so clearly in this book and realized that leaving was the best thing I could have done. It also helped me see patterns to avoid that I have worked hard to implement in my new job. Feel bullied at work by a queen bee? You may want to wait until you leave to read it or at least have a big glass of wine handy! But do definitely read it--it's ...more
Katie Lynn
Aug 18, 2012 Katie Lynn rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: stopped-reading
One of the few books I've stopped reading. I realized at page 94 that this was not my reality in experiences with other women. Perhaps the OCCASIONAL occurrence, but certainly not the norm. I found the book depressing, demeaning, disheartening... I acknowledge that perhaps I would feel differently if I had finished it, but I just didn't see the point.

I should add a shout-out to all the women in my life that do NOT embody this sort of behavior! I guess I'm one lucky woman.
Anna Claire
Relational aggression between women, how women use "one -up- manship", exclusion and subtle bullying tactics when they feel threatened by other women. A great book to understanding what goes on between so called queen Bees, their middle bees, and the scared to Bees. The communications chapter is excellent , I'll be using it for training this month.
May 03, 2012 Celena rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Lazy research. The book is mostly first person narratives. There were no real group studies, no brain scans, no levels of cortisol taken. The complexities of female social hierarchy are fascinating and she managed to trivialize it into a bunch of complaining women.
Oct 21, 2014 Melissa rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
A helpful resource for practitioners working in higher education. I enjoyed the book more the second time around. Picked up new details I didn't catch the first time. Very easy to read and simple examples to put into practice!!
I thought this book was insightful, but it seemed like the same thing every chapter. I couldn't force myself to finish reading it when I have so many other intriguing books lined up to read.
Aug 19, 2011 Miri rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
I was hoping this would actually have research or some sort of psychological insight. Instead it seemed really dumbed down and simple. I guess it's still a useful book, though.
Oct 24, 2014 Kristen rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Decent, but very repetitive.
Apr 30, 2009 Kate rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Too heavy with the same message not as informative as I would have hoped. I felt like shouting Got It! Let's move on folks.
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“RA is the use of relationships to hurt another, a way of verbal violence in which words rather than fists inflict damage.” 0 likes
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