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The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
by
William Ury
No is perhaps the most important and certainly the most powerful word in the language. Every day we find ourselves in situations where we need to say No–to people at work, at home, and in our communities–because No is the word we must use to protect ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that matters to us.
But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy w...more
But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy w...more
Hardcover, 272 pages
Published
February 27th 2007
by Bantam
(first published 2005)
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I really like William Ury as an author. He founded the Harvard Negotiation Project and writes good negotiation books. His first book Getting to Yes, is a good book on negotiation theory. His second Getting past no, talks about difficult negotiations. His third, the power of the positive no could really be the first in the series with self analysis of what you really want before you negotiate.
I should have read this book years ago! I like his idea that no is really yes to what ...more
I should have read this book years ago! I like his idea that no is really yes to what ...more
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How to say no, but nicely
Imagine that you are a police department’s hostage negotiator. An armed man who has just lost his job is holding his wife and children hostage in their barricaded home. He threatens to kill his family and himself unless the authorities turn over the boss who fired him so he can “administer fiery justice.” How do you tell this potential murderer no without jeopardizing everyone in the house? The professionals who negotiate during such extreme situations know h...more
Imagine that you are a police department’s hostage negotiator. An armed man who has just lost his job is holding his wife and children hostage in their barricaded home. He threatens to kill his family and himself unless the authorities turn over the boss who fired him so he can “administer fiery justice.” How do you tell this potential murderer no without jeopardizing everyone in the house? The professionals who negotiate during such extreme situations know h...more
I read this book after exiting a difficult situation as best I could, yet feeling that I somehow didn't do it as well as I should have. Although I tend to shy away from both business books and self-help books, unless I know the author well, this one just called out to me from the shelf. Thank goodness I snapped it up.
Basically, the book coaches the reader on socially advisable routes to keep yourself and your family well balanced. That's a huge undertaking, but it does it simply ...more
Basically, the book coaches the reader on socially advisable routes to keep yourself and your family well balanced. That's a huge undertaking, but it does it simply ...more
The book tells how to change from just saying no to someone to figuring out what you really want and switching the topic to make the negative a positive. There's more to it than that, but that is a reasonable summary. There were plenty of anecdotes to illustrate concepts, and while the anecdotes were interesting and entertaining, I'm not sure they were unique to the concept being presented. In other words, the anecdotes could have been switched around and still would have served well. I listened...more
Kipi
rated it
·
review of another edition
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
Anyone who finds it difficult to say "No"
Recommended to Kipi by:
ACU
Can "no" actually mean "yes"? Yes, it can, according to William Ury in The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes. I read his book Getting to Yes about a year ago and feel, as a mediator, this book is much more helpful and practical because it focuses on the importance of relationship over that of reaching a "deal."
This paragraph in the final chapter sums up the author's message:
This paragraph in the final chapter sums up the author's message:
The great problem today is that we have divorc...more
It was the concept that made me impressed with this book. It's kinda self-help-y but I like that sort of thing.
As a person who's pretty literal, and fights the urge to see things as black and white, I was excited to read about the skills and nuance to saying yes while saying no. The Positive No is about uncovering your bigger "yes", and making it clear what your "no" is. But it's also about preserving the relationship and acknowledging that the other party will h...more
As a person who's pretty literal, and fights the urge to see things as black and white, I was excited to read about the skills and nuance to saying yes while saying no. The Positive No is about uncovering your bigger "yes", and making it clear what your "no" is. But it's also about preserving the relationship and acknowledging that the other party will h...more
No. Such a simple word yet it's so hard to use. Most of us take on far too much because we are afraid to say no and for good reason. We've all had experiences were we did actually muster the courage to say no and felt extremely guilty afterwards. Moreover, the person who we said no to often gets mad at us and that simple word starts a huge drama. In the end, it would have been much easier just to shut our mouths.
Evidentially, our problem wasn't saying the word but in how we go about...more
Evidentially, our problem wasn't saying the word but in how we go about...more
Rachel
rated it
Recommends it for:
people who want to ground their decisions in integrity.
Shelves:
work-related
My supervisor recommended this book to me, and I am glad he did. This book contains valuable, practical lessons on negotiating in the workplace and in personal relationships. The author uses examples from the business world and politics (notably, drawing on the civil rights struggles led by Nelson Mandela and Mahatma Gandhi) to make a persuasive case laying out the components and sequence of delivering a powerful, respectful No to an intolerable situation. Following this book's advice will cert...more
This came at just the right time, when I needed to establish some boundaries in my life and say no to a few things. Ury taught me that saying no is actually saying yes to something else. When I come from a place of powerfully understanding my own yes, then I can say no without attacking, avoiding or accomadating in unhealthy ways. I didn't listen to all of it, but learned some powerful lessons from this international negotiator from Harvard. I will probably return to finish it sometime.
An absolutely excellent book! William Ury has worked with world leaders towards peace, has negotiated big-money mergers and has been key in dissolving hostage negotiations and political unrest in foreign countries. Given his experience and success you may think he might have something to say on how to resolve conflict, and he does!
How do you tell people "no" and still preserve relationships? How do you get what you want without making others feel cheated? The answers are in...more
How do you tell people "no" and still preserve relationships? How do you get what you want without making others feel cheated? The answers are in...more
This book is likely my all time favorite non-fiction book.
William Ury makes it plain, he includes questionnaires and quizzes to help you find out what it is you're doing with your time, and what it is you desire to be doing with your time.
He encourages you to decide what to say "yes" to, and what to say "no" to, He helps you to clarify this over and over. And he lives it himself as well.
I pick this book up frequently, and I recommend it to other...more
William Ury makes it plain, he includes questionnaires and quizzes to help you find out what it is you're doing with your time, and what it is you desire to be doing with your time.
He encourages you to decide what to say "yes" to, and what to say "no" to, He helps you to clarify this over and over. And he lives it himself as well.
I pick this book up frequently, and I recommend it to other...more
Much like "Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In", if you're an effective business person and an adequate manger, most of the things discussed here should already be second nature to you.
That said, this sort of literature is always a good reminder, something to help keep you on track.
That said, this sort of literature is always a good reminder, something to help keep you on track.
This is the first book I read about negotiation skills and I am really impressed!
The way the book is written makes it easy for the reader to relate to real life experiences and learn from them.
I just finished reading the book yesterday and I really learned a lot. I will start working with the Yes! No, Yes? technique and see how it goes. In a month or two I will revisit it again.
Great Book!
The way the book is written makes it easy for the reader to relate to real life experiences and learn from them.
I just finished reading the book yesterday and I really learned a lot. I will start working with the Yes! No, Yes? technique and see how it goes. In a month or two I will revisit it again.
Great Book!
Heaven knows I needed the information from this book, however, it could and should have been covered in 4-5 chapters instead of 12. The author's main contribution is helping the individual recognize and feel good about a proper no with his yes, no, yes formula. Yes to my underlying need/value, no to the current proposition, and Yest to opening further dialogue.
The book was a little repetitive, but the message was clear: yes, no, yes. Say yes to core values/priorities, no to something that interferes with those core values/priorities, and say yes to a positive relationship. I now want to read his other two books. (Randy read the first one, Getting to Yes, in his MBA program.)
Had a great time with this book. As selfhelp books go this one just seems to go an extra mile to understand why, how and when. For a caretaker character this was super helpful.
Reads easy with very updated public examples of today's life.
Reads easy with very updated public examples of today's life.
Information derived from the writers personal experiences. At some point or another we have to say no. This lets you know that it's not always a bad thing and lets you accept other point of views.
I read this a couple of years ago, but it is worth re-reading periodically for its very practical advice for how to stand up for yourself without alienating others. One of my favorite lines is "No is a complete sentence." There's much more to it, of course and the author gives plenty of examples from real life.
Teaching oneself to say "no" and mean it without being rude. Gives practical examples and techniques. Just got to remember them when the situation arises in real life.
Great information about how to say yes to the relationship, no to the current offer, but leave it open to a possible yes to other offers you and they may work out.
Andy Mitchell
added it
Yes-No-Yes is a powerful way to preserve your interests while honoring the other person's needs.
I found this book to be incredibly "just what I was searching for." You would pay many hundreds of dollars if you had chosen the therapist route rather than the reading route on this concept of adult communication, and I feel like Ury's points are not only wisely spoken from years of experience, but are truly designed to benefit both parties of a disagreement or negotiation. For a chicken, this book gives me the power to say no, not just the guilt trip and exhaustion that come with n...more
Liked the book and it's concepts help in a variety of personal and business situations.
While upon reflection I would say most of this book is good common sense, I appreciated the reminders! I especially appreciated the idea that, in order to effectively say no, you need to know what your yes is. Once there is clarity on that score, it becomes easier to draw boundaries. There are lots of examples, anecdotes, and dialogues, which are effective and sometimes entertaining. I also liked the importance the author placed on saying no with respect for yourself and the other, as well as th...more
Amazing--both talks of dialogue and the use/ creative energy and power
Excellent -- as good as Getting to Yes.
Decent book, don't spend too much time on this one though.
I liked it veru much and will REREAD IT!
Shawn
rated it
Insight into one of the trickier parts of life ... saying "no" without straining the relationship. It guides readers on setting boundaries that are rooted in core values, and how to calmly defend those boundaries in a way that encourages a better outcome for all.
I would give this five stars, but I thought there could have been more examples, and it could have been more concise.
Combined with the author's prior books, "Getting to Yes", and "Getting ...more
I would give this five stars, but I thought there could have been more examples, and it could have been more concise.
Combined with the author's prior books, "Getting to Yes", and "Getting ...more
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William L. Ury co-founded Harvard's Program on Negotiation where he currently directs the Global Negotiation Initiative. He is the author of The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No & Still Get to Yes (2007) and co-author (with Roger Fisher) of Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, a five-million-copy bestseller translated into over twenty languages. "No other boo...more
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