10th out of 49 books — 9 voters
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The Fantasy Bond: Effects of Psychological Defenses on Interpersonal Relations
by Robert W. Firestone (Goodreads Author)
This book offers a hypothesis centering around the concept of the "Fantasy Bond," an illusion of connection formed with the mother and later with significant others in the individual's environment.
Paperback, 408 pages
Published December 19th 1987 by Glendon Publishing
(first published June 9th 1985)
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I like this book. A lot of the things that he says in the book are very valuable, however, the book is also a little biased and over-generalizes in certain areas, especially male/female experiences. As someone who has had less of a bond primarily with mother than father this book kind of singled me out and pushed my issue aside. It can also be a little repetitive. Although the book is not perfect, I would definitely recommend it for people suffering for a fear of intimacy or with ...more
This book was *mostly* excellent - super-dense, I had to read several sections two or three times to let them sink in. Fascinating insights into what motivates us in relationships and how our parental dynamics have lasting effects. Only reason I did not give it 5 stars was there are large sections about an "intentional community" that the author was a part of that was not really as informative/insightful as the rest of the book was - it was more of a case study of a group of families towards the ...more
A heavy text on the powerful structures of the mind that keep using psychological defenses long after they're helpful, and even despite the fact that they're becoming hugely destructive to an individual's growth. Seems there is a new miraculous fact on every page -- and this is a lengthy book! I hope I can incorporate some of the wisdoms of this study into my life. A very important book.
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“When children are hurt and in pain psychologically, they don't want to be in distress, so when the situation becomes intolerable, they cease to identify with themselves. When they feel the most threatened, they will choose to identify with the person who is the source of their suffering in an attempt to possess that person's strength.”
“people, both professionals in the field and lay people, are not fully aware of the extent to which human beings are directed and controlled by primal feelings. They underestimate the pain that is aroused by positive experiences in life. They cannot understand a person’s resistance to positive or corrective experiences and the negative reactions caused by genuine caring or concern. They do not recognize the fact that when people are responded to in a new, more positive way, it severs their bonds and cuts them off from their past. It makes them aware objectively that they were not loved or treated respectfully, that they were not listened to or responded to realistically or compassionately when they were young.”More quotes…