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Damned (Damned #1)

3.37 of 5 stars 3.37 · rating details · 13,141 ratings · 1,569 reviews

The newest Palahniuk novel concerns Madison, a thirteen year old girl who finds herself in Hell, unsure of why she will be there for all eternity, but tries to make the best of it.

The author described the novel as "if The Shawshank Redemption had a baby by The Lovely Bones and it was raised by Judy Blume." And "it's kind of like The Breakfast Club set in Hell."

Hardcover, 256 pages

Published October 18th 2011 by Doubleday Canada (first published January 1st 2011)

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Oct 27, 2011 Jacob rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011, vote-whore, palahniukyukyuk

October 2011

Look out, Chuck Palahniuk fans! It's a Chuck Palahniuk book! Chuck Palahniuk's Damned, the newest Chuck Palahniuk book (by Chuck Palahniuk!) is classic Chuck Palahniuk, a wonderful addition to Chuck Palahniuk's collection of Chuck Palahniuk books, and a must-read for Chuck Palahniuk fans who love Chuck Palahniuk and his Chuck Palahniuk books!

Meet Madison, Chuck Palahniuk's newest creation, a dead thirteen-year-old girl trapped in Hell after overdosing on marijuana (or did she? Chuck...more

151 likes · like · see review

Jan 29, 2012 Kemper rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012, humor, sky-cake

If a thirteen year old dead girl in Hell stops a rampaging Godzilla-sized demon by sexually pleasuring it, would you consider that necrophilia, bestiality or kiddie porn?

I’m not sure either, but these are the kind of questions that can come up when you read a Chuck Palahniuk novel.

Madison is the very smart but overweight daughter of a rich and famous Hollywood power couple that finds herself dead and in Hell after experimenting with marijuana. Turns out that all the whacko Christian fundamenta...more If a thirteen year old dead girl in Hell stops a rampaging Godzilla-sized demon by sexually pleasuring it, would you consider that necrophilia, bestiality or kiddie porn?

I’m not sure either, but these are the kind of questions that can come up when you read a Chuck Palahniuk novel.

Madison is the very smart but overweight daughter of a rich and famous Hollywood power couple that finds herself dead and in Hell after experimenting with marijuana. Turns out that all the whacko Christian fundamentalists were right after all, and it’s very easy to wind up downstairs after you kick the bucket. (Apparently we should all lay off our car horns and using the F-word in conversation.)

While Hell is very dirty and pretty gross, Madison finds herself some friends that form a Breakfast Club-type group, and she uses her Hell-job as a telemarketer to spread the word that being dead isn’t all that bad.

This one follows the standard Palahniuk set-up. We’ve got a main character who finds themselves in bizarre circumstances telling us a story that eventually explains how they ended up there. Along the way, he takes his usual shots at materialism and celebrity culture while throwing in some tremendously gross and shocking tidbits. There’s some of his usual twisted humor and clever observations about the hypocrisy of people in general as well as the ways we try to deny that we’re all eventually going to be taking a dirt nap.

Damned seems wildly unfocused though. A lot of time is spent on the Breakfast Club set-up and then it’s almost immediately dropped. Also, this Hell seems kind of weak. Sure people get eaten by demons and have jobs as telemarketers and providing content for web porn, but I was expecting Palahniuk to really deliver on the whole eternal torment thing. Meh. Even his attempts at the gross out like hills of discarded fingernail clippings or a sea of sperm seem kind of listless and half-hearted.

It also felt like Palahniuk couldn’t really decide on an ending and in the last quarter of the book, Madison cycles through several personas and shifting attitudes about her life and death. There’s a couple of revelations late in the game that just confuse everything even more.

The book ends on a To Be Continued note. I’m not sure whether Palahniuk was being serious about that or not, but I don’t have a urge to read any more of this story if he does carry on with it.(less)

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Feb 17, 2012 Meg ♥ rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: e-books, z-2011-reads, favs

Damned is another book I loved from Chuck Palahniuk. Each chapter starts: “Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison,” by a girl so emotionally needy she craves attention from the devil himself.

Madison is thirteen, and very smart. She's the daughter of a narcissistic actress, and a billionaire father. They adopt orphans to look good to the public, and ship Madison to her Swiss boarding school during the holidays to do other things. Madison dies, and is sent to Hell. She thinks the reason for landi...more
Damned is another book I loved from Chuck Palahniuk. Each chapter starts: “Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison,” by a girl so emotionally needy she craves attention from the devil himself.

Madison is thirteen, and very smart. She's the daughter of a narcissistic actress, and a billionaire father. They adopt orphans to look good to the public, and ship Madison to her Swiss boarding school during the holidays to do other things. Madison dies, and is sent to Hell. She thinks the reason for landing in Hell, is because she smoked marijuana, but throughout the story she learns more and more about the night she died. Madison is unlike any other Chuck P. character, and I thought he did an okay job writing the perspective of a teenage girl without sounding much like a creepy 40+ year old dude.

Madison shares her cell with a group of young sinners that is almost too good to be true: a cheerleader, jock, nerd, and a punk rocker, united by fate to form the six-feet-under version of everyone’s favorite detention movie! The book has shocks coming at you from every direction, and there are even some twists to keep the story interesting.

The parts I liked the most in this book revolve around Maddy's job in hell. She's like a telemarketer, but what she's selling is hell. She spends hours trying to convince terminally ill people to come to hell. Chuck also spends a fair amount of time throwing in all of the ways you can land in Hell in this story. Turns out that even simple things such as honking your car horn too many times in a lifetime can land you in Hell.

This is the afterlife as only Chuck P. could imagine it: The English Patient is playing on endless repeat, and roaming demons devour sinners limb by limb. Palahniuk's Hell is made up of dirty cages, dandruff and toenail clippings. [ew]

This was definitely not my favorite book by Chuck P., but I still enjoyed it. I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to kind of "try out" Chuck's writing style. Although it seems a lot of his fans don't like this book, because they think it's not up to par with his older books I think this is a perfect book for a potential fan to try.

Loaded with Chuck's usual dark humor and satire I think this book was definitely worth reading. I am giving this book 4/5 stars, because I simply thought that Chuck's vision of hell would have been a little more insane. His world building was lacking a bit in my opinion, but the story was able to hold my attention the whole way through.

This books ends with "to be continued...", and people are speculating if this story really will be continued or if that was a joke. I probably would read another book if he writes it, but the story had a good enough ending I think.
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Apr 22, 2013 David rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Damned 13-year-olds, leftist billionaires

Shelves: audiobook, humor, fantasy, contemporary, demons, supernatural, female-protagonist, teenagers

Palahniuk shows more sympathy for the Devil than he does for liberals in this book. Which is not to say that he comes off as being an axe-grinding conservative (I have no idea what Palahniuk's politics are), but the target of his satire in Damned is Hell and Hollywood, and he makes Hell seem like the more desirable place.

A word to all the Goodreads reviewers who classified this book as "Young Adult" -- are you nuts? Did you actually read this book? Or do you just assume that any book with a teen...more

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Oct 27, 2011 Bradley rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: from-library

I enjoyed this book, but it would have been much better if it had a plot arc going on. Sometimes it's nice when authors work off an outline or just known what's going to happen next in the story rather than seeming like they're making up every little thing as they go along. Sure, there's an inciting incident and a journey with no particular destination for no particular reason than to just wander around Hell and check out the sites. And then the journey comes to an abrupt halt for no reason that...more I enjoyed this book, but it would have been much better if it had a plot arc going on. Sometimes it's nice when authors work off an outline or just known what's going to happen next in the story rather than seeming like they're making up every little thing as they go along. Sure, there's an inciting incident and a journey with no particular destination for no particular reason than to just wander around Hell and check out the sites. And then the journey comes to an abrupt halt for no reason that I could figure out. And at first, I thought the descriptions of hell could have been a lot more imaginative, until I realized what Palahniuk was doing with it: it was composed of human waste and sweat and discarded fingernail clippings. And once I figured out there was a reason for these choices, I admired its meaning more than I would have if the choices that he made for the details of the setting were random and extremely imaginative (which is what I would have done if I ever wrote a novel where Hell was the setting).

And sure, the protagonist experiences inner change through the book. And it has this "episodic" thing going on with the character from one thing to the next without any sort of satisfactory explanation. But unlike episodic-type of books, it just seemed like Palahniuk got tired of writing about one thing and just leaped to another.

And I really liked the meta aspect of it near the end (which I won't get into specifics about to avoid revealing spoilers), where the story actually provides an explanation as far as why the book's protagonist is pretty much like every other protagonist in each of Palahniuk's novels (while none of his novels have had an explanation like this before). And although the female protagonist may be a typical Palahniuk character, the book is written in first person and she does not "talk" like a typical Palahniuk character (or in pidgin-English), which was rather nice. Although I did not buy that the story was being told by someone who was as young as thirteen-years-old. And I don't think she had been in Hell for too long before the book started, so she wasn't exactly an immortal, wise-beyond-her-years, thirteen-year-old.

But overall, it was an extremely entertaining read that was highly flawed.

I think I hold Palahniuk to higher standards than virtually all the other authors that I read because he's the only author who I enjoy that writes books that get on the bestseller lists (at least I assume that they do) and makes big money and has legions of fans, so I'm going to be more critical of him than anyone else. Nevertheless, I don't think it would have been that difficult for him to have incorporated plot structure into the novel in order to improve it significantly.(less)

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Jan 27, 2013 Megan Anderson rated it 1 of 5 stars

If you, like me, have been suspecting Chuck Palahniuk is heading in an irreversible downward spiral, this book will not change your mind.

Chuck Palahniuk used to be my favorite author. My high school copy of Fight Club is highlighted and dog eared; I included a quote from the book next to my signature in people’s yearbooks. The book he signed for me during his “Roses and Shit” tour for Haunted is framed in a shadow box. (I know: I’m lame. Let’s move on.) But I won’t even say he’s my favorite auth...more If you, like me, have been suspecting Chuck Palahniuk is heading in an irreversible downward spiral, this book will not change your mind.

Chuck Palahniuk used to be my favorite author. My high school copy of Fight Club is highlighted and dog eared; I included a quote from the book next to my signature in people’s yearbooks. The book he signed for me during his “Roses and Shit” tour for Haunted is framed in a shadow box. (I know: I’m lame. Let’s move on.) But I won’t even say he’s my favorite author anymore for the same reason I stopped saying Squad Five-0 was my favorite band in 2002–after they’d cranked out several terrible albums and changed their style dramatically. I feel uncomfortable professing my love unless I can love the whole body of work. It’s sort of like a boyfriend that turned into a real jerk towards the end of the relationship: you might be nostalgic for the good times, but you’re not going to walk around professing your love for him. You’re going to break up with him (hopefully).

While I can’t bring myself to break up with Palahniuk (I’m much too curious for that), my loyalty has definitely wavered. I used to buy an advance copy or rush out to purchase his new books as soon as they were published, but now I wait until I can find them at a used book store. I don’t know if I’ve outgrown him (gasp!) or if his writing really is getting worse. I still love the early books (and Rant), so I suspect it’s the latter. Maybe it’s something to do with being pressured by the publisher to crank out a book a year.

After reading Dainty Squid’s Review of Damned, I was cautiously hopeful. And then quickly disappointed.

Damned has most of Palahniuk’s signature elements. The material is imaginative, shocking, and transgressive as always; his vision of hell as a disgusting landscape with landmarks such as “the Dandruff Desert” and “Vally of Disposable Diapers” is inventive and stomach churning. That’s good. As is his idea that every deity to fall from favor in human history becomes a demon (I love it when a little anthropology is thrown into fiction). What’s missing is the classic Palahniuk plot twist (it’s planted to early and is much to callable) and the heart. The thing I’ve always loved most about Palahniuk is his creation of seemingly despicable characters that are so human you can’t help but love them. Those characters have been nowhere to be found in the last few books. Try as I might, I couldn’t bring myself to care about Madison, the protagonist. It’s hard to keep reading a book when you don’t care what happens.

The other books I read this month may have made Damned seem worse that it was, to be fair. Vonnegut’s view of the afterlife in God Bless You, Dr. Kevorkian was so much more meaningful. And Dave Eggers’s short story in Speaking with the Angel was narrated convincingly from the perspective of a dog (a dog!), which only shed light on Palahniuk’s inability to write in any voice other than his own (Madison is not convincing as a thirteen-year-old girl for a second). When I go out with a group of super hot girls, I look awful. I think that this might be what was happening here.

I’ll at least give it one more chance in the form of a re-read before I trade it in at a used bookstore.(less)

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Mar 28, 2012 Robyn rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: reviewed

I once again find myself Lamenting Good Reads' lack of half stars. This should be a 3 1/2.

I must admit, I walked into this book with a fair bit of trepidation, having felt rather lukewarm to everything that came after Haunted and been fully enraged by Pygmy. Reading this book was going to be, I thought, the book fan's equivalent of identifying the corpse. "Yep, that's good old Chuck P. I used to love him... Pity what happened, though." And I would assert that my beloved author was dead to me, a...more I once again find myself Lamenting Good Reads' lack of half stars. This should be a 3 1/2.

I must admit, I walked into this book with a fair bit of trepidation, having felt rather lukewarm to everything that came after Haunted and been fully enraged by Pygmy. Reading this book was going to be, I thought, the book fan's equivalent of identifying the corpse. "Yep, that's good old Chuck P. I used to love him... Pity what happened, though." And I would assert that my beloved author was dead to me, and I would be able to move on with my life. No more would I have to try to defend his bizarre missteps to the rest of my circle of literary friends; after this book, I was going to be done.

You might be expecting me to tell you at this point that the author's corpse leaped off the autopsy table, and did a little jig, and as such, I have regained all my faith in his abilities and he's my most favoritist author ever once again. Well, not quite...

The beginning of this novel was very slow and meandering, with lots of ruminating and very little action. The Palahniukisms came hard and fast: the cynical narrative character with two or three repeatable catch phrases, the funny sentence structure; if you've read even two of the author's books, you know the little stylistic flourishes I'm talking about, here. I'm not actually certain if I was deluged with them, or if I've read so much of the author's work that these devices are starting to feel repetitive for me, but it was just... too much.

Also too much was the expected jabs at upper-class white society. Yes, we get it, you hate this psuedo spiritual, pill-popping, insincere group of people. I don't like them either, but if I were a published author I would find some more interesting stuff to say about it, rather than creating these same caricature-ish straw men over and over.

The grossness in this book was once again an issue. I don't even know how to describe this, and I'm going to sound funny trying but... Grossness can be done artfully. Shock can be more than schlock, and in his earlier works, Palahniuk positively nailed this concept. It's an interesting ability to get a generation of kids raised with Ren and Stimpy cartoons to read words on a page, and then throw up in their mouths a little. It's even better when he does it and it actually adds something of worth to the overall narrative. He's consistently proven that he can pull out the making people throw up in their mouth part, but the making it worthwhile... he's been a bit shaky on that concept. This book, it falls right in the middle. Some of the grossness actually seemed to have a real point, and some of it could have been grosser, but the author showed remarkable restraint. Hell, the gigantic pile of nail clippings sounded kinda fun in a horrible way.

This pretty much reflects my feelings for the first... oh... two thirds of the book or so.

But then... Something happened. I can't quite pinpoint the exact spot, or tell you what it was precisely that caused it, but I found myself caring about Madison. I found myself identifying with her. Something in the book began to actually move me. I finished the last third or so, completely engrossed, despite some of the really over the top cartoonish stuff that was going on. There was a part of my brain telling me "No, this is far too silly, don't like this." but there was a bigger part telling the first part "f*** off, I'm having fun!"

So, with a "to be continued" at the end of this book, I'm hooked. You haven't charmed my pants completely off, Chuck, but you have my interest again, and I'm keeping an eye out for the next installment. (less)

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Apr 10, 2012 Lily rated it 2 of 5 stars

Hmmmm… Wow…

K….

So… This is my first Palahniuk novel, and frankly I am scared to pick up anything else written by this author, though I have ‘Fight Club’ on my “To-Read” list for April. And I hear from many (MANY) sources, that this guy is GENIUS and ‘Fight Club’ is ridiculously good. I don’t doubt all these people… but I still have my fingers crossed.

Madison Spencer. A 13 year old girl, daughter of two eccentric famous parents, dies, and ends up in the most strange, weird, ridiculous version of h...more

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Nov 05, 2011 Angela rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: favorite-author, supernatural, fantasy

This is the third Chuck Palahniuk I've ever read. The other two, Snuff, and whatever the full title of Rant was, were read so many years ago, I barely remember the writing. So this review may be odd compared to the others. (It's not a well-liked book, is it? Hmm.)

I really liked this book. A thirteen year old girl ends up in Hell? I'm sold. I was anxious to read it since first reading the blurb. The actual book didn't disappoint, at all. I am very eager for the next two, because it ended at what...more

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Apr 16, 2012 Doug rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Susan Morris

I am about half-way through this book (in one evening). It's a farcical Divine Comedy with touches of The Screwtape Letters. It seems a bit racy for tweens and young teens (explicit description of weird sex), but Madison's addiction to hope, despite every indication that she should abandon it (Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate), redeems the book from its gratuitous graphic depictions.
I finished it. I forgot to mention that it has little homages to Hello God, It's Me, Margaret at the beginni...more

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Jan 31, 2013 Eddie Dobiecki rated it 1 of 5 stars

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Are you there, Chuck Palahniuk? It's me, Eddie.

I know no one dares editing your stuff any more, since you're a genius and all, but do you think, maybe, you could not use the same rhetorical device as many times as there are pages? I'm dead, not illiterate.

*****

The M. Night Shyamalan of literature, Palahniuk has found a way to transcend the accusations of cop-out twist ending that he, like Shyamalan, must suffer: the not-at-all-contrived-or-hackneyed "To Be Continued"!

Now, some people might sa...more

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Nov 07, 2011 Emily rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: adult-fiction, series

I wanted to finish the book before I did a full review on it, but some things just cannot wait..and this is one of them.

I really try to like Palahniuk. His earlier stuff..brilliant. But lately, especially in the case of Damned , all I'm reading is shock value nonsense. You know, I get it. You are a very intelligent man, Mr. Palahniuk. You know a lot and you have very opinionated views on the world. How bout writing an essay on why you think the Hollywood celebrity crowd is wasting their time tr...more

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May 30, 2012 Cherese rated it 2 of 5 stars

(First published on inbriefmag.com)

I’ve heard it said that authors have only one story to tell, and with Chuck Palahniuk that seems to be the case, if his latest work Damned (2011) is anything to go by. To compare this new novel to the riotous revelation that was Fight Club, Palahniuk hasn’t really changed his formula since the 90s.

This time Palahniuk uses a 13 year-old girl named Madison Spencer as a vessel for his overworn ideas and overdone plot. Yet she is a somewhat refreshingly vivacious...more (First published on inbriefmag.com)

I’ve heard it said that authors have only one story to tell, and with Chuck Palahniuk that seems to be the case, if his latest work Damned (2011) is anything to go by. To compare this new novel to the riotous revelation that was Fight Club, Palahniuk hasn’t really changed his formula since the 90s.

This time Palahniuk uses a 13 year-old girl named Madison Spencer as a vessel for his overworn ideas and overdone plot. Yet she is a somewhat refreshingly vivacious character who is not much disturbed by her relocation from Earth to Hell after “overdosing” on marijuana. Maddy then journeys through the underworld where she braves encounters with demons and a job as a telemarketer on her quest of self-discovery.

This plot echoes Palahniuk’s previous books wherein a lone figure grapples with a hostile environment which is a metaphor for humanity’s struggle with addiction to consumerism, pain and self-pity. The story will then usually progress to show that the only salvation for these shortcomings is to realise the human individual’s limitless ability to reinvent the self.
Despite the use of this timeworn assertion, fresh themes have arisen in this latest novel.

Palahniuk subtly mocks creationism through his attempts to integrate it with our modern world. What results is a somewhat comic discordance which is exemplified in a brief encounter with a disgruntled Charles Darwin serving his sentence of eternal damnation for his heretical theory of evolution. More explicitly satirical is the seemingly endless list of arbitrary rules that divide the sinners and saints – passing wind in an elevator more than three times in a lifetime will earn you a one way ticket to hell.

Following on his theme of satire, Palahniuk frequently parodies Judy Blume’s novel Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret which famously dealt with “controversial” issues concerning young women such as menstruation. But this caricature quickly becomes tedious, along with the intentional parallels to The Breakfast Club.

With less gore and improper language than Palahniuk’s other books, Damned is comparatively child friendly but for the weighty themes of drug culture, sexuality and spirituality. With these, the narrator seems to parrot Palahniuk’s various philosophies which are conspicuously incompatible with her teenage mind. The prevalent criticisms of inauthentic environmentalists and the hypersexual society are effective but almost irrelevant to the plot at times.

Yet these critiques do contribute to the prevalent themes of death and the afterlife which contrast with Madison’s teenage self-discoveries. Within hell, Maddy sees human life on Earth with more clarity; from the hypocrisy of her parent’s private jet fitted with eco-friendly upholstery, to the fallacy that death is only for people who litter and don’t exercise enough.

Palahniuk’s Damned is a glimpse into the folly of our brief mortal lives which are so frequently imbued with stagnation. As an intellectual novel it has much merit, however as a series about a young girl trying to make a living within hell it presumes too much of the reader’s interest in the story to finish with “To be continued…”
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Mar 28, 2012 Mary (BookHounds) rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011, from-publisher-author

quite possibly my favorite book of the year!

MY THOUGHTS
ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT

So, if Christopher Moore (think Abby Normal from Bite Me) and Judy Blume got together and wrote a book dedicated to a life lived in hell as a sort of CandyLand game with all of the twists and turns that move a player forward; where candy is currency . Each chapter starts with a note from Madison, the eleven year old protagonist address to Satan. As she accepts her death and now after life, she finds that even small infract...more

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Oct 04, 2011 Donna The Happy Booker rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: received-for-review, death, demons, read-in-2011

I've discovered by reading this that I am not a big fan of satire. Not even extremely well written satire, which this certainly is. So while I personally didn't like it, I would still recommend it to those who enjoy this type of book.

Damned follows the 13year old protagonist, Madison, as she wakes up in Hell after overdosing on marijuana. Each chapter begins "Are you there Satan, it's me Madison" with a little note to Satan. Madison is a sarcastic and cynical girl who has been alternately spoil...more

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May 13, 2013 Evin Hughes rated it 4 of 5 stars

“Damned” follows the life of a thirteen-year-old girl named Madison who has died and gone to Hell. To me the book is a commentary on life in the American culture and what it means to be good or evil.

Madison’s mother is a narcissistic actress who is often seen remotely locking one of their many maids in the bathroom because they have not cleaned it properly. Madison’s father is a billionaire and former rasta who is often seen giving his young daughter marijuana and Xanax. Madison is watching her...more

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Apr 20, 2013 Carolina rated it 4 of 5 stars

This book was amazing! It has made me look at my views of the afterlife in a new and interesting light. I'm not saying that once you read this your going to completely change your way of seeing things, but it will make you consider alternate possibilities. The minor characters kind of are predictable and very... shallow which I suppose is what Palahniuk wanted of them, up until the last few pages where all of a sudden they make sense and then your done with them. Madison (the main character) is...more This book was amazing! It has made me look at my views of the afterlife in a new and interesting light. I'm not saying that once you read this your going to completely change your way of seeing things, but it will make you consider alternate possibilities. The minor characters kind of are predictable and very... shallow which I suppose is what Palahniuk wanted of them, up until the last few pages where all of a sudden they make sense and then your done with them. Madison (the main character) is somewhat like the others in the way that she too is just another lost soul in hell and lives into her stereotype of the chubby brainy girl until (again) the last few pages.

The book ends in somewhat of a cliff hanger but in a good way if that's at all possible. It leaves you satisfied but the lose strings necessary that leave you wanting more. The writing of this book is fantastic as most Chuck Palahniuk novels are and the perspective he uses is very fitting for it. The only problem in the book that in some parts it just keeps going when your over it and at the end of a chapter when there's a moment of anticipation it beats around the bush in the next making you work for it. Maybe its my addiction to fast passed novels and the instantaneous gratification you get from them, but it drove me to endless frustration when I want to know what's next and then you get to the following part and all of a sudden your reading a reflection of Madison's parents words of wisdom that I honestly think the chapter would be fine without. I know I know, it builds up the story or the character or the writing or whatever but really? Your going to build up the moment the book has been waiting for and then go completely off topic for pages to make the tinniest connection that really isn't all that significant to the scene?

Anyway, even after all that I really do think the book is a great piece of work and its worth it for a few laughs to read lines from it to your friends. Pick it up!

Line that stuck with me for some reason:

Madison-"What's it like being Canadian?"
Emily- "Its like having AIDS, you get used to it"

When you read it it'll make sense :)
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Apr 03, 2013 Jenni rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: modern-solid-authors

As I am with all things Palahniuk, I was a fan of Damned. I thought the setting of hell was innovative, and he was both creative and funny in his descriptions without sliding into fire and brimstone cliche. I enjoyed the perspective of the female protagonist -- even though she was only 13, I found her compelling and easy to root for in her journey, of sorts. She was smart, quick-witted, and someone with whom even adults could identify. About the only thing I could complain about was the abrupt e...more

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Mar 29, 2013 Gina rated it 1 of 5 stars

Tedious, try-hard and frustratingly inconsistent. Chuck Palahniuk is completely incapable of writing as a 13-year-old girl, particularly a girl of the same generation as Madison would ostensibly be. He just sounds like a 40-something white guy who's really impressed with himself and his ability to write. I can't say that I've read anything else by Palahniuk, but this book was all I needed to ensure that I'll avoid him for the rest of my life. Madison doesn't know what French kissing is, but desc...more

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Feb 02, 2013 Giles Anderson rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Palahniuk fans

First off, if you've never read another of Palahniuk's novels, go do that first. Read most of them first, in chronological order. This isn't a good place to start, as it's not really a great novel. Certainly not indicative of the man's career-until-now.

I'll take it as a given that you've read the description of the novel, so let's just say that the first third of the book is that. Over and over again. The premise of Madison being in Hell, as well as her oft-stated Breakfast Club collection of fr...more First off, if you've never read another of Palahniuk's novels, go do that first. Read most of them first, in chronological order. This isn't a good place to start, as it's not really a great novel. Certainly not indicative of the man's career-until-now.

I'll take it as a given that you've read the description of the novel, so let's just say that the first third of the book is that. Over and over again. The premise of Madison being in Hell, as well as her oft-stated Breakfast Club collection of friends, is reiterated in countless ways--as is her annoying little nuances and general unlikable tone. It's Chuck Palahniuk writing like he was Chuck Palahniuk. Repetition of ideas is a device he uses in a lot of his other works, but in Damned it just feels forced and obnoxious. To say getting through the first third was a struggle is putting it mildly. It took me a month of chapter-at-a-time spurts. The desire just wasn't there.

But, slowly, the repetition began to fade and (if you overlooked the over-the-top descriptions of Hell's various locales) the story began to emerge. Palahniuk's a creative guy, and he's a great writer. When the story actually hit its stride, I was able to read it with the same devouring spirit as books I really enjoy. I know it's supposedly rife with satire and subtext, but a novel must entertain first and foremost, and it finally did.

Until it stopped.

There was an attempt at a climax, but the big reveal of the events surrounding the presumable "marijuana overdose" falls pretty much flat on its face as the novel takes another shift in tone and becomes unnecessarily bizarre/full of youthful rebelliousness/life-affirming. For me, since the narrative in that middle section was so enjoyable, it was disappointing to see the focus shift from Madison's time in Hell to some sort of "take control of your own destiny" nonsense. Her character changed too drastically, but the narrative style did not--which wouldn't be terrible if it wasn't in first person.

All-in-all it was an interesting read. Fans of Palahniuk will want to pick it up, if only to see the sparks of an author they used to be captivated by. New readers should go elsewhere first, as I've said. There is much to be appreciated here, but only if you know what to look for...and even then it's nothing fantastic.(less)

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Jan 05, 2013 Jacob rated it 3 of 5 stars

This is probably the best Palahniuk book I've read yet. Which considering it still (barely) eked out three stars is still faint praise.

I wasn't planning on even reading another book he wrote, but the premise of this one sounded too good to pass up. I'll give that to good ol' Chuckie, he does craft interesting premises.

Unfortunately his premises never really have a point. They don't go anywhere. He just ruminates about going-ons and forgets to actually provide a plot. Damned is no different. When...more

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Nov 06, 2012 Max III rated it 4 of 5 stars

Most known for his infamous novel debut, Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk is also remembered for depressing the ever living shit out of each one of his readers. What Stephen King is to the terrifying inanimate objects coming to life and killing everything, Palahniuk is to completely depressing-as-all-hell nihilism. And in his newest contribution to the literary world, Damned, it is no exception.

Fellow fans of Palahniuk’s work will already know that his last couple books have not exactly been the best...more Most known for his infamous novel debut, Fight Club, Chuck Palahniuk is also remembered for depressing the ever living shit out of each one of his readers. What Stephen King is to the terrifying inanimate objects coming to life and killing everything, Palahniuk is to completely depressing-as-all-hell nihilism. And in his newest contribution to the literary world, Damned, it is no exception.

Fellow fans of Palahniuk’s work will already know that his last couple books have not exactly been the best, but I can happily inform you that this new one is back to normalcy. For instance, I actually finished the whole thing without feeling like there was a gun pointed to my head.

But what is it about? Well, to be brief, imagine if the cast of The Breakfast Club all went to Hell. Told in the style of a Judy Blume book, Damned follows the adventures of a thirteen year old girl who has just recently died from a “marijuana overdose” and sent to Hell, where she meets tons of new friends and slowly begins to start up a new life as a telemarketer.

Like his previous works, Palahniuk inserts a reoccurring theme throughout the story—what he has coined as a “chorus”. Unlike some of his other books, however, the chorus in Damned doesn’t actually bore you to tears, but is instead rather an interesting read. Whereas the chorus in Survivor involved tedious details on the subject of cleaning supplies, Damned instead offers you a vast lesson on mythology. It is perhaps one of the first times I did not find myself wanting to skip the long drawn out off-subject ranting that has made up Chuck Palahniuk’s career.

And the humor . . . oh boy, the humor. Palahniuk has found his funny bone, again, that’s for sure. Something must have kicked him in the ass and reminded him that just because something is shocking, it doesn’t mean that counts as amusing. But don’t get me wrong, there are some rather . . . umm, graphic scenes in here, but they are told in a way that makes you laugh your ass off while simultaneously swallowing a pond of vomit back down your throat.

However, I can also say that Damned manages to be the first book in I don’t know how long that ends with a “to be continued”, and it makes me wonder—really? It’s not even 300 pages long—you really couldn’t have just kept writing?

Chuck Palahniuk, you, sir, are a dick. But I still love you, and always will.

Uh, anyway, that minor negative aspect aside, I still really dug this book and would recommend it to anyone who is planning on joining Hell anytime soon.

I give it one Giant Ocean of Wasted Sperm out of one.

[Review reprinted from Perpetual Motion Machine Publishing](less)

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Nov 02, 2012 Camilla rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: childhood, female-mc, fiction, own, read-in-2012, read-in-one-day, religion, shit-ending, teenagers-written-right, what-a-twist, good-writing-bad-plot

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Sep 17, 2012 Karim rated it 3 of 5 stars

Written by Palahniuk as a way to deal with his mother's untimely death from breast cancer in 2009, Damned is a spoof of the preteen-girl novels embodied by such lights as Beverly Cleary, and Judy Blume. Styled in the voice of "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret", the story follows Madison, the ultra-privileged daughter of an actress mother and director father, after her 'marijuana overdose' - Nobody ever tells the truth in Hell about how they died, according to Madison. What results is a moder...more Written by Palahniuk as a way to deal with his mother's untimely death from breast cancer in 2009, Damned is a spoof of the preteen-girl novels embodied by such lights as Beverly Cleary, and Judy Blume. Styled in the voice of "Are You There God, It's Me, Margaret", the story follows Madison, the ultra-privileged daughter of an actress mother and director father, after her 'marijuana overdose' - Nobody ever tells the truth in Hell about how they died, according to Madison. What results is a moderately entertaining book, filled with the usual Palahniuk-style exposition on life and how to live it. Less raw than Choke or Lullaby presumably for its subject, Damned is, ironically, a preachy book about the necessity of belief systems - Nothing's quite as funny as Madison's descriptions of her parents and their wildly veering beliefs from her point of view in Hell - but gets wearing very quickly. The voice of the narrator is innovative at first, but quickly becomes gratingly familiar. The plot moves at a decent enough clip to keep you interested for all that, and if you can get past the superficiality and somewhat confusing nature of the 2nd-person narrative that begins every chapter, it's actually an entertaining read. Madison's adjustments to life in Hell are actually really entertaining, and Palahniuk's researches into the nature of Hell as a religious concept are refreshingly light but on second glance remarkably interesting - His deft touch as a writer is much in evidence in his descriptions of the demons of other cultures and their relevance, definitely a fascinating (If morbid) description. As a first foray into Palahniuk's books, this is a good, slipping-into-a-warm-bath kind of book, something that can ease you into Choke, Lullaby and Fight Club if you're so inclined. Those who really enjoy Palahniuk's books may want to look elsewhere, however. Still, as a reader of most things Palahniuk, I certainly didn't lose anything by reading Lullaby, and would recommend it as a quick read. Despite the outlines of the subject matter, it's a quick, easy read. (less)

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Sep 05, 2012 Georgina Shores rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: audiobook, read-2012

Are you there Satan? It's me, Madison.

Synopsis: 13 year old, obese, Madison Spencer has died of a marijuana overdose and has gone to hell. She wakes up in a jail cell in hell along with some other characters - a jock, a princess, a rebel and a nerd and they are forced to reside and discover hell and things about themselves together.

Sound familiar? Well if it doesn't, Mr. Palahniuk makes sure to beat you over the head with it at least 50 times during the book my consistently referencing The Brea...more

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Aug 26, 2012 Brandon Zarzyczny rated it 2 of 5 stars

I really didn't enjoy this book. I understand what Palahniuk was going for, but it's just so goofy. I also feel like this book just copies from multiple other works of literature in a similar way to what Weird Al Yankovic does with his music. The landscape of Hell the author creates is interesting, but at times difficult to actually picture/imagine with it being so crazy and unbelievable. That was probably my biggest problem with the book, though how the story jumps around also made it heard to...more

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Jul 31, 2012 Richard Claypool rated it 2 of 5 stars

As some of you may know, poking fun at Satan, movies, and society, are passtimes that truly bring me pleasure. To my twisted delight, this book appeared on BARD for download.

I won't go into the plot, since it's been covered enough in other reviews, I will merely give comments below. What first looked like an interesting read became lackluster.

To whom are these letters written? We're told that they are short letters to Satan. However, in asides to the reader, this is a mortal being; you or I. Btw...more

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Jun 14, 2012 Cassie-la rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2011-reads

REVIEW ALSO ON: http://bibliomantics.com/2011/11/04/w......

I have not liked a Chuck Palahniuk book since 2001, when he published Choke. That is to say, I have not enjoyed the last five of his novels, although to be fair I haven’t gotten around to reading Pygmy and Tell-All yet (granted, I have only heard bad things). So edit my prior sentence to, I personally have not enjoyed the past three Palahniuk novels I read. Which is why I was so pleasantly surprised when I dug into his newest offering, D...more REVIEW ALSO ON: http://bibliomantics.com/2011/11/04/w......

I have not liked a Chuck Palahniuk book since 2001, when he published Choke. That is to say, I have not enjoyed the last five of his novels, although to be fair I haven’t gotten around to reading Pygmy and Tell-All yet (granted, I have only heard bad things). So edit my prior sentence to, I personally have not enjoyed the past three Palahniuk novels I read. Which is why I was so pleasantly surprised when I dug into his newest offering, Damned and found myself LOVING IT.

This novel is the first of three planned books, all of which are inspired by Dante’s Divine Comedy, this novel centered in Hell obviously focusing on The Inferno. In order to further align this novel to Dante, the first letter of each chapter is decorated as if it were in an illuminated manuscript, and the chapters are represented in Roman Numerals, much like Dante’s Cantos. There is also demon masturbation. Yeah, I went there.

Narrated by 13 year old Madison, the daughter of a famous movie star and her producer husband, has a narrative style that is a little hard to get used to. As a young girl, Madison (a trendy presidential baby name if ever I heard one) can be a little volatile, and is constantly struggling with trying to find herself, which in turn makes her come across as insecure in this novel. In typical Palahniuk style, the repetitive element in this novel is Madison constantly explaining that she knows what various difficult vocabulary words mean. It’s the “I am Jack’s ::insert organ here::” of Damned. In addition to this, each chapter begins with, “Are you there, Satan? It’s me, Madison.” Judy Blume and Dante references! Who could ask for anything more!?! Besides a musical number of course.

With the help of The Breakfast Club from Hell (literally), Madison begins to find herself. There is blue haired, mo-hawked, and safety pinned Archer (the criminal), pretty girl Babette (the princess), demonology expert and all around smart guy Leonard (the brain), football player/jock Patterson (the athlete), and Madison herself (the basket case). As with the real Breakfast Club they all learn that they’re not so different after all and become fast friends who bond over their sins of wearing white after labor day, being offsides, committing robberies, drug use, and jaywalking. All the normal things you’d expect people to go to Hell for.

After instructions from Babette, Madison learns that one possible way to escape from Hell is to submit an appeal, which occurs in the form of a polygraph test that includes ridiculous questions from thoughts on gay marriage to abortion and cursing. The other way is by doing your time, which can be sped up by getting a job in Hell. These jobs fall into two categories: telemarketing and running an internet web cam. Even though Hell only has dial-up and dot matrix printers (much like my experience at Barnes and Noble), Madison and her new friends choose to be telemarketers. Wouldn’t you over re-enacting “Two Girls One Cup”?

Hell itself has an interesting and disturbing topography. Once in Hell you can see such wonderful sites as Shit Lake, the Dandruff Desert, the Great Plains of Broken Glass, the Great Ocean of Wasted Sperm, the Swamp of Partial-Birth Abortions, and the Sea of Insects (which sounds the most horrible if you want my opinion). We also learn there are waterfalls of poop, giant vampire bats swooping overhead, lots of screaming, and the demons make you watch The English Patient or The Piano on a loop. The only thing to eat is bazooka bubblegum, saltwater taffy, and stale popcorn balls. We’re told that it’s like being on an airplane. Which sounds like a truly horrifying way to spend eternity. If near death, one learns to shove their pockets full of yummy candy, because delicious candy is currency in the underworld.

Thankfully Hell has its pluses. Shocking. First is all the celebrities one can encounter, including Charles Darwin (there for touting evolution), the Kennedy family, Heath Ledger, River Phoenix, Vlad the Impaler, Elizabeth Bathory, the list goes on and on. It’s pretty much like a high-brow episode of “South Park”. Another bonus is that on Halloween the denizens of Hell can visit Earth, with the promise that they must return by midnight, or be forced to wander the Earth unseen for an entire year. Ever heard of ghosts? Now you know where they come from. This is on the stipulation however that they return to Earth dressed as who they were in life. Just think, an Elvis you meet on Halloween may in fact be the real Elvis visiting on his yearly reprieve. Although if it’s a Slutty Elvis I’d second guess that.(less)

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May 19, 2012 Frank Parsons rated it 1 of 5 stars

Shelves: general-fiction

I like Palahniuk and as many others have said in the past, Fight Club is genius. So I thought, what the heck let's try one of his newer books. However, this book was a disappointment with its tired trope of how hell is SO much better and more interesting than heaven. He throws in the standard amount of snide intelligentsia comments about right wing politics, celebrity culture, and environmental/health issues. And he does it all with style, actually, he does it all with many different styles and...more

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Apr 28, 2012 Emily Dumouchel rated it 3 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Anyone who likes social commentary styles.

Recommended to Emily by: Nobody.

Shelves: fantasy, horror, humor, contemporary, ya

This is the first book I read of Chuck Palahniuk, I read one of his short stories beforehand, in Stories: All-new tales which I remember (after looking at the book) called Loser... I have a faint remembrance of the actual tale, but I remember I found it entertaining... What pushed me to try this particular book? I'm not too sure, actually. I remember a friend telling me, when I was reading Stories: All-new tales, that Chuck had a strange way of seeing the world. That he was a bit crazy and I won...more

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About Chuck Palahniuk

Charles Michael "Chuck" Palahniuk is an American Transgressional fiction novelist and freelance journalist of Ukrainian ancestry born in Pasco, Washington. The press release for his book, Rant, states he is now living in Vancouver, Washington. He is best known for the award-winning novel Fight Club, which was later made into a film directed by David Fincher.

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“What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven.” — 92 people liked it

“No, it’s not fair, but what makes earth feel like Hell is our expectation that it should feel like Heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. It won’t help the situation for you to get all upset.” — 45 people liked it

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