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Attached: The New Science of Finding--and Keeping--Love
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Attached: The New Science of Finding--and Keeping--Love

3.91 of 5 stars 3.91  ·  rating details  ·  2,340 ratings  ·  364 reviews

Is there a science to love?

In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship,

ebook, 304 pages
Published December 30th 2010 by Penguin Group (USA) (first published October 28th 2010)
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Gretchen Friese
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I read this. Not because it wasn't good, but because I have this thing about posting relationship-y self-help books on here. I don't want people to know that I spend time thinking about my relationship status. I want to seem cooler than that.

This book is better than most relationship books I have read. The author describes how attachment theory can be applied to romantic relationships. There are three types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Acco
Nadeem Ahmad
Interesting read on the theory of adult attachment in romantic relationships. While the categorisation of every relationship into the possible 3 categories of Secure (50% of the population), Anxious (21%), and Avoidant (25%) may not be all inclusive and exhaustive for those with a discerning and scrutinising disposition; however it does offer a useful insight into your relationships, if you can relate to one of the 3 categories.

What I liked is that the book doesn't tell you which is the best cat
**Attached…to this book**

I’ll admit it. I am totally attached to _Attached_. But, not in an unhealthy way, really. I’ve read my fair share of books on relationships (including textbooks during my clinical training as a therapist), and I can honestly say that this book provides the most elegant framework for organizing, explaining, and rescuing relationship problems that I’ve seen.

It clearly delivers on the hope that the authors have for this book:
“We hope that you will use the relationship wis
Ellen Andromeda
It was a interesting and thought-provoking book. However, it's very simplistic and basically says the solution is to date a secure partner and then everything will be fine. Unless you already are secure, and then you can date almost anyone and everything will be fine. I don't think things are ever that neat. Also, a weird omission was that they never talked about a partnership with two anxious style people. They at least mention a few times that two avoidant people rarely get together and why, w ...more
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I read this. Not because it wasn't good, but because I have this thing about posting relationship-y self-help books on here. I don't want people to know that I spend time thinking about my relationship status. I want to seem cooler than that.

However, I recently found myself dating a person who had me absolutely flummoxed. A friend suggested this book to me thinking it might offer some insight, and I read it rather quickly.

This book is better than most relat
Abeer Hoque
Leave aside for a second that "Attached" by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller slots everyone into 3 relationship attachment categories: secure (50% of the population), anxious (25%), and avoidant (25%) (I'm as suspicious of GUT paradigms as the next wannabe scientist).

However, the authors are both experienced and practicing psychotherapists, and use case after case to provocatively and persuasively put forth their theory, and explain how recognising your own category (and/or sub category) can help
This book was GREAT -- very enlightening around the three types of relationship styles: anxious, secure, and avoidant. One of the most enlightening things for me was that anxious-avoidant is a very common combination -- one person is looking for more closeness, and the other is actively avoiding it. Pretty soon, they both propogate each other's exact triggers and only make things worse! Avoidants don't date each other (they are both on the look-out for new and shiny), and an anxious-leaning pers ...more
Wasn't quite what I was expecting, there was less science and more practical advice. I don't think I got as much out of it as some people might (omg if you actually try to make your partner jealous and you are not in middle school, read this book asap), but I think the overall framework they presented is a useful concept.

By classifying folks as anxious, secure and avoidant and not attaching any value judgments to those relationship styles, I think that is helpful for everyone. Sort of like how r
(Mid-read: Part self-help and part research. I'm digging the ideas about adult attachment so far, and using it as a catalyst to reflect on the patterns between my partner and me.)

After finishing it, I would recommend this book to anyone interested in attachment research, especially what it means for adult relationships and how much control one has if early attachment was insecure. Because it gives anecdotes from several couples, and names a lot of actual research (that can be found in the biblio
Bleh. This book had a promising premise and while the underlying theory has some merit, I found the explanations too simplistic, and the examples too stark (almost caricature-like) to capture the nuances of human personalities and relationships. So, while the book had several “A-ha!” moments, the suggestions of what to DO with this information was lacking.

Also, as someone who fell into the Secure/Avoidant category, this book was a let down. There was little acknowledgment that some (most?) peopl
Don’t be fooled by the title.
The title is like wishy washing voodoo magic to suddenly make a sparkly relationship appear. And that’s bullshit of course. The actual content of the book is not bullshit though. It opened my eyes, and so many puzzle pieces finally came together.

The premise is that your childhood, but also any experience you had afterwards with intimate relationships, lead to certain attachment patterns. If you’re lucky, you’re securely attached. If you’re slightly less lucky you mi
This is what I get for not properly vetting my interlibrary loan requests. Contrary to what I thought I was checking out, this is not a popular science non-fiction-type book about the psychology of adult attachment. This is a self-help book, which now that I re-read the subtitle, is clear before even opening the book. Mea culpa.

Ok, but dating sucks and is generally demoralizing and I can think of about a million other unpleasant activities in which I'd rather engage, so I gave it a quick read/sk
I'm a bit miffed at myself for leaving this on my list to read for so long -- I wish I had read it sooner. It's a refreshing perspective on attachment theory as it relates to dating and relationships, and was extremely helpful in identifying some of my own tendencies and pitfalls, as well as observations of others. By helping to put things in perspective, I believe I can utilize the information presented to make mindful decisions about my interactions with others, as it pertains to my needs, my ...more
Morgan Blackledge
Attachment theory began in the 1940's as a way to describe patterns of infant and caregiver bonding. It is one of the first psychological theories to integrate evolutionary theory. As such, it represented a radical departure from the dominant psychological theories of the time e.g. Freudian and Behaviorist orientations. Attachment Theory survived (in part) due to its simplicity and profound explanatory power.

The creators of attachment theory (John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth) posited that mammals
Aug 24, 2011 Faith rated it 5 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: people wanting a relationship, having relationship issues, or interested in adult attachment theory
Recommended to Faith by: Library
This book was such a revelation for me! Before reading it, I was only slightly familiar with attachment theory but after reading it, I can see how attachment theory applies to relationships. Whether you're anxious, secure or avoidant, this helps to explain so many relationship issues people have. Attachment really helped shed a lot of light on the issues in my relationships. I see now that people have different capacities for intimacy. Some people have a need and desire to be close and intimate ...more
Jamila Akkouche
Why do some romantic relationships last a lifetime, while the wick of other romantic relationships quickly burn out and fade away? This is a question I have pondered repeatedly, but with the knowledge and insight I have gained from 'Attached' I have come to a conclusion of deep understanding. The book begins with research on how our main parental attachment figure later influences our adult romantic relationships. The main attachment styles discussed throughout this book are: secure, anxious, an ...more
Kinda skimmed this one. It's a good primer on attachment styles but it is mainly targeted at anxious attachment issues and totally vilifies avoidant attachment issues, without delving much in to why a partner might have formed one or the other style. It's a "avoidant as villian, anxious as victim" narrative that repeats throughout and seems mainly targeted at helping anxiously attached folks. Maybe the authors figured anxiously attached partners are more likely to seek out a book like this but i ...more
how come no one told me before? codependency doesn't exist...or at least is overblown "problem" in the self-help marketplace. it is a natural and biological response to be dependent on an intimate partner or caregiver, so of course we will be impacted by the actions, absence, etc of others. that's OKAY! wow! another (along with Wired for Love) validating and positive look at the potential for relationships to offer us support, understanding, and healing in a way our primary caretakers didn't--no ...more
Anna Bastow
I'm always curious about human relationships specially romantic ones. This book showed me another piece of the puzzle specially explaining why some people that seem sane and rational end up picking up partners that just make them miserable over and over again. Or people that always claim to want to find love end up leaving their partners or damaging the relationship without owning their part on the break up.
The cliche explanation of low self stem cannot be applied all the time to all cases speci
Jun 14, 2014 Krysta rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: Anyone with an Anxious or Avoidant Attachment Style
Shelves: marriage
Attached classifies people as having one of three attachment styles: Secure, Avoidant, and Anxious

I feel that this book could help people with what they classify as an "anxious attachment style" the most, followed closely by "avoidant". According to the book, my husband and I both have "secure attachment styles", and this I don't feel that it benefited me very much.
I didn't read it in hopes that it would turn around a failing marriage, or turn on some lightbulb as to why we argue, because that i
Looks fascinating, and I really want to read it, but it can't be renewed any more.


Picked the book up to take it back to the library and got completely sucked in. Finished with two days to spare!

This book proposes to explain the recurrent relationship disaster I've reenacted for most of my life ( with 1.5 exceptions). The idea is that there are basically three attachment styles, much like the styles babies have of attaching to their mothers: anxious, secure, and avoidant. The authors propose t
Laura Vanderslice Ratzel
Overall, I thought this book was well written, supported by good research and full of helpful insight.

There were a few areas where I was left with questions or disappointments:

1. Why did they leave out disorganized attachment? It wasn't even included as a style.

2. I really appreciated the way they approached anxious attachment - describing it as an evolutionarily adaptive strategy, which should be embraced and used rather than changed or suppressed. Avoidant attachment was also described as e
Kate Woods Walker
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller is an extremely quick pop-psychy read filled with magazine-style quizzes, scorecards and geegaws designed to assist with love relationships, but distinguished by a skeleton of very real psychological and social science research on attachment theory.

Levine and Heller's thesis is that we all fall into three categories of attachment style: anxious, secure or avoidant, and the various combinations, with their attendant strengths and pitfalls, constitute the
Doug Luberts
A friend of mine suggested this to me a few weeks ago, as one of the best relationship books she's read, and it is one of the books I've come across in the self-help/psychology/relationship category. Truthfully, I wish I had this book years ago, but, as the saying goes, when the student is ready the teacher appears...And the right books get put on our bookshelves at the right times.

It basically covers our individual attachment styles (Secure, Anxious, Avoidant) and how we can better recognize ou
2.5 stars. Didn't finish. It wasn't bad or anything, I guess it just wasn't for me. I was very interested in attachment theory when I studied psych so I was curious to see how it might translate to adult relationships. What I didn't realize was that this is basically a self-help book for people who are having problems in romantic relationships. I thought the 'help you find love' thing would be an afterthought, but it was actually the whole point. Nothing wrong with that, it just wasn't what I wa ...more
Kater Cheek
I almost stopped listening to this in the first half hour, because it sounded like the worst of all possible pop-psych books, where it's mostly a sales-pitch for how this wonderful new science will solve all of your problems. I'd heard things about attachment parenting, most of which make me roll my eyes and/or fume about unrealistic perfectionists who tell you with a straight face how sacrificing 100% of yourself for your squalling infant will eventually be rewarded with unparalleled joy. So: s ...more
Chris Rogers
Suffers from "Terrible Title Syndrome". Otherwise, good read that distills and explains attachment systems in adults.
Meredith Graser
I love this book! It's so informative! I wish I had come across it sooner. I've learned so much.
As an unmarried woman of a certain age, I have continually struggled with relationships that have not lived up to my expectations. Either he was married to his work, married in real life, or wanted to marry me on the first date. I usually wanted more affection and attention than he wanted to give me (no matter who he was), and for a good decade or so, I thought this was all about him.

I've been doing a lot of work on me recently, and have landed into the best relationship of my life. Of course I
This book was recommended to me, and I'm glad it was because, as a rule, I wouldn't go near anything with 'perfect match' in the title!

This is a useful introduction to attachment theory and how it applies to adult relationships. It sheds some light on human behaviour in relationships and how we can get stuck in repeating patterns that make us and our partners unhappy... I know there is a large body of evidence on attachment but I couldn't comment on the evidence base for the authors' claims. It
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“If you're still in a relationship, remember that just because you can get along with anyone doesn't mean you have to. If you're unhappy after having tried every way to make things work, chances are that you should move on. It's in your best interest to end a dysfunctional relationship rather than get stuck forever with the wrong person just because you're secure.” 9 likes
“Oxytocin, a hormone and neuropeptide ... plays a major role in attachment processes and serves several purposes: It causes women to go into labor, strengthens attachment, and ... [increases] trust and cooperation. We get a boost of oxytocin in our brain during orgasm and even when we cuddle -- which is why it's been tagged the "cuddle hormone." How is oxytocin related to conflict reduction? Sometimes we spend less quality time with our partner -- especially when other demands on us are pressing. However, neuroscience findings suggest that we should change our priorities. By forgoing closeness with our partners, we are also missing our oxytocin boost -- making us less agreeable to the world around us and more vulnerable to conflict.” 9 likes
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