Attached: The New Science of Finding--and Keeping--Love
Is there a science to love?
In this groundbreaking book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Amir Levine and psychologist Rachel S. F. Heller reveal how an understanding of attachment theory-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Attachment theory forms the basis for many bestselling books on the parent/child relationship,...more
This book is better than most relationship books I have read. The author describes how attachment theory can be applied to romantic relationships. There are three types of attachment: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Acco ...more
What I liked about the book is that it doesn't tell you which is the best ...more
Also, as someone who fell into the Secure/Avoidant category, this book was a let down. There was little acknowledgment that some (most?) peopl ...more
I’ll admit it. I am totally attached to _Attached_. But, not in an unhealthy way, really. I’ve read my fair share of books on relationships (including textbooks during my clinical training as a therapist), and I can honestly say that this book provides the most elegant framework for organizing, explaining, and rescuing relationship problems that I’ve seen.
It clearly delivers on the hope that the authors have for this book:
“We hope that you will use the relationship wis ...more
The creators of attachment theory (John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth) posited that mammals ...more
However, the authors are both experienced and practicing psychotherapists, and use case after case to provocatively and persuasively put forth their theory, and explain how recognising your own category (and/or sub category) can help ...more
However, I recently found myself dating a person who had me absolutely flummoxed. A friend suggested this book to me thinking it might offer some insight, and I read it rather quickly.
This book is better than most relat ...more
The title is like wishy washing voodoo magic to suddenly make a sparkly relationship appear. And that’s bullshit of course. The actual content of the book is not bullshit though. It opened my eyes, and so many puzzle pieces finally came together.
The premise is that your childhood, but also any experience you had afterwards with intimate relationships, lead to certain attachment patterns. If you’re lucky, you’re securely attached. If you’re slightly less lucky you mi ...more
By classifying folks as anxious, secure and avoidant and not attaching any value judgments to those relationship styles, I think that is helpful for everyone. Sort of like how r ...more
There were a few areas where I was left with questions or disappointments:
1. Why did they leave out disorganized attachment? It wasn't even included as a style.
2. I really appreciated the way they approached anxious attachment - describing it as an evolutionarily adaptive strategy, which should be embraced and used rather than changed or suppressed. Avoidant attachment was also described as e ...more
Ok, but dating sucks and is generally demoralizing and I can think of about a million other unpleasant activities in which I'd rather engage, so I gave it a quick read/sk ...more
After finishing it, I would recommend this book to anyone interested in attachment research, especially what it means for adult relationships and how much control one has if early attachment was insecure. Because it gives anecdotes from several couples, and names a lot of actual research (that can be found in the biblio ...more
I'm starting to put the lessons into practice, and it's scary. Terrifying! But, I know I'm on the right path and with lots of practice and a little time, I'll be successfully managin ...more
Levine and Heller's thesis is that we all fall into three categories of attachment style: anxious, secure or avoidant, and the various combinations, with their attendant strengths and pitfalls, constitute the ...more
It basically covers our individual attachment styles (Secure, Anxious, Avoidant) and how we can better recognize ou ...more
The basic premise of Attached is to challenge present-day thinking that dependence is weak and that mastering and controlling our emotions is strong. Not only is ...more
Despite the ugly book cover, some over simplified parts, and the only heterosexual assumptions/language across the book, i enjoyed and benefited f ...more
Picked the book up to take it back to the library and got completely sucked in. Finished with two days to spare!
This book proposes to explain the recurrent relationship disaster I've reenacted for most of my life ( with 1.5 exceptions). The idea is that there are basically three attachment styles, much like the styles babies have of attaching to their mothers: anxious, secure, and avoidant. The authors propose t ...more
Source: I feel like a shit heel
What I enjoyed about it the most was that feeling of "YES! That IS exactly what happens! Someone else finally gets it!"
It's a very heteronormative, monogamous book, so it was really interesting to read it through the polyamory lens. They put forward the idea that people can learn to become more "Secure" in their attachment. I hereby de ...more