Boundaries
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Boundaries

3.9 of 5 stars 3.90  ·  rating details  ·  258 ratings  ·  49 reviews
Are Your Boundaries Being Violated?
Boundaries separate us from others physically and emotionally. In fact, they are essential for our mental and physical health as well as for developing healthy relationships. Yet every day, people's boundaries are violated by friends, family, or coworkers. Despite the importance of personal boundaries many people are unaware of how or w...more
Paperback, 144 pages
Published November 9th 1993 by Touchstone (first published 1991)
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Greta is Erikasbuddy
I'm not sure how to rate a self help book that hasn't really helped me (as of yet). But it was a good quick read that gave me a couple of ideas.

This book was recommended by my therapist in order to help me understand that I have boundaries. The problems that I found when reading this was it really didn't explain how one explains these boundaries to another. The dialogue they suggested was just like reading a book or having a therapist/teacher explain it in a robotic tone. Because I don't like co...more
Sonja
Pretty good introduction to the concept of boundaries. It was really high-level but with a lot of examples and real-world stories. I had a little trouble relating to a lot of what was in this book because the examples were so extreme: childhood abuse and rape, physical spousal abuse, and the like. I would have liked to get a little more practical advice for my situation, but I think this book would be really helpful for someone who had experienced some of those scenarios, to get them going down...more
Erica
This book has very simple but extremely helpful material for creating healthy physical and emotional boundaries. If you have had problems with relationships, this may be worth taking a look at, as I found that there were so many things I was doing that were unhealthy. Becoming enmeshed with my partner instead of keeping my independence. It also explains a lot why those who have had situations in their childhood may struggle with these things more than others.
Jean
A short, powerful book about boundaries - setting them, what constitutes good boundaries and bad boundaries, how development is impacted by boundary violations and the hope of healing and repairing. It shed light on boundaries in professional and personal relationships and provides understanding.
Kate
My therapist gave me this book to read. I understood the big message - boundaries are important and healthy. However, it was hard to apply some of the more specific messages to my life because all of the examples seemed SO extreme. Abuse, alcoholism, incest - these are things that I have no real experience with. I wish that the author had included a few "tamer" examples. This topic is something that almost everyone could use some help with and I learned a lot of good techniques and exercises to...more
Rachel Ebner
Soooo, I hate reading self-helpers, but this one was short and really impactful for me. Though it was short it was heavy reading (difficult subject matter) and took me longer than I would have liked. Regardless, for a person who didn't even know what healthy boudaries look like, mostly cause I didn't even know anything about boundaries conceptually, this was a good primer. Helps you understand how to develop healthier relationships and feel good in your body. Totally worth your time.
Alex
this book is classic for a reason, it totally changed my understanding of emotions, relationships, and myself. it should be required reading in high schools everywhere!

basic message: you have emotional needs and you should learn how to pursue them, and protect yourself from the intrusion of abusive or unaware others. but there's so much more to it.
Colette
I felt this book gave clear examples of both extremes: boundaries too close and boundaries too far. I found that this then helped me to discern between the subtleties in my own life. I feel it helped me to become a better parent through understanding and not encroaching on my children's boundaries and also when they needed me to provide them.
Christina
This book has rocked my world. I'm looking forward to reading another book by this author regarding building & maintaining boundaries.

This book focuses on the root(s) of boundary problems. Only the last chapter or so discusses how to address these issues. But what an eye opener!!

I truly wish I had stumbled onto this book years & years ago.
Stephanie
I really like this book. I recommend it to lots of my clients. One must be cautious, however, some of the abuse stories can be disturbing. But it is a great book for teaching one to recognize where boundaries should be drawn in multiple situations.. work, family, friends, etc.
Cara
Jul 04, 2014 Cara rated it 3 of 5 stars
Recommended to Cara by: TC
Shelves: life
Kind of funny to read this on Independence Day...

I've already read a good bit on this subject, including another book by the same name, so I wasn't expecting to learn much from this one. I just read it because it was homework from couple's counseling. It was a good refresher, although the author does seem to really like to say the same thing over and over, which got a little old.

I definitely still let politeness get in the way of stopping people who are crossing boundaries with me. That's somet...more
Angie
about physical and emotional boundaries b/t parents/children, bosses/employees, romantic partners, friends, strangers, etc.
Ritu Anand
Years ago, a therapist of mine gave me this book. I recently dug it out and re-read it. Before reading this book, I did not have language to go with many of the issues I was having in relationships. This book gave me the language to understand problems I was having in close relationships. It is a good book to introduce someone to the concept of boundaries. It contains some exercises in it that I plan on doing this month. I also just ordered another book by this author called "Where to Draw the L...more
Kelly
This book is wonderful for explaining what to do when a person in your life crosses a line, especially if t is a boundary that is simply understood and not well defined in the relationship.

It discusses how to form and use boundaries when you were not given healthy ones as a child and how to create boundaries in your current relationships.

At the beginning, there are exercises to complete with another person and my hubby and I thought these were really cool. You really see how other people feel...more
Jennifer
This has probably been the best book I've read that focuses only on boundaries. It can easily be read in one sitting, but everything discussed is valuable. The only thing is that, because its so short and only focused on constructing boundaries, it isn't "complete" to give the best understanding. I've felt that books focused on co-dependency and relationship dynamics to be better in this regard cause they help you to better understand the full dynamic to know how boundaries should be constructed...more
Don Kaiser
Had some good principles. The examples, however, were really not helpful to me. Perhaps I should be thankful for that.
Susan
I read this book about 10 years ago, when I did need the advice that it contains. Many of the points hit home, and the exercises and self-evaluations were quite helpful. The advice is practical and effective, if you are able to enact it :).

Overall, a solid, useful read for someone who is looking to have healthy boundaries in their relationships.
Jim
I can't say I really got that much out of it. Most of the stuff I was pretty much aware of, and it seemed heavily oriented toward individuals whose sexual boundaries were violated (which is not why I was reading it). It seemed a bit dated to me, as well. Maybe I was expecting something a little different. Also, does anyone get a little tired of reaing these type books and thinking that the "exercises" are a bit ridiculous? Maybe for some they're not, but I find them silly.
Lauren
good fences make good neighbors. i used to walk away from conversations, meetings or visits feeling violated and i could not figure out why. i had excessive concern for everyone but myself. i needed some serious boundary repair so that rather than feeling defensive or that something was being taken from me, i could feel safe and secure stating my true and real feelings. this book helped me to recognize this character flaw in myself and put me on a path to fixing it.
Courtney
This was my first look into boundaries, so it's hard to compare this to other books on boundaries. However, I can say that this did enlighten me, and make go seeking more books on boundaries. I have not tried the exercises in the book yet, but I will be doing some or all of them. While I do love an example to relate to or illustration for better understanding, I wanted this book to have more explanation. Less examples, more explanation.
Carrie
This is a very good book. It gives many good examples to illustrate the rules to live by.
rebecca
Aug 24, 2008 rebecca rated it 3 of 5 stars  ·  review of another edition
Recommended to rebecca by: participants of Al-anon, NA, and/or AA
Shelves: social-work, 2008
This is a Hazelden publication, which I did not know when I checked it out of the library, so the book seems to be written more toward an audience that has had extreme cases of boundary violations involving substance abuse. However, it is full of useful techniques and tools for others who may need help with forming and maintaining boundaries.
Humaira
Medium read.
I rated this 4* because it's relevant to me. For others maybe only 3*. This is a very important subject often neglected or not really thought about. Where people have quite dependent relationships or a dominant parent/sibling then this may help to resolve why we can't always keep control in our lives.
Lyn Christian
This is a wonderful book to help most adults finish off that wonderful task of - raising yourself. There are som many situations we could never have been taught to deal with them all by the best of parents. I use this for myself and my clients in clarifying where "I begin!"
Lynn Wetherbee
Another great book un understanding why we have a hard time setting limits on how people treat us and what to do about it. It also spends some time clarifying what to do if you are someone who doesn't really know what appropriate limits even look like.
Susan
I feel like this book used terminology without always explaining it. It moved fast. I felt like what I got from this book I already got from Narcissism and Intimacy. However, it always helps to hear an empowering message told in different ways.
Melaney
I found the information helpful, applicable and eye-opening. The author seemed to have a slight chip on her shoulder, but I suppose that's what made her so good at establishing boundaries. I use what I learned in my every day life.
Roxanne
I think of myself as pretty self-aware, but this slim volume gave me half a dozen Aha! moments. It's a book that makes you want to buy several copies for people you know, but you realize that would be violating boundaries.
Chris
Books you have to read but wish you didn't. Read this years ago and didn't "get" it but now I do. Wish I had "gotten" it all those years ago. Simple and forthright. I'm on to her next book: Where To Draw the Line.
Nicole Connelly
This should be one of those mandatory books that everyone should read. If we all understood boundaries, especially communication boundaries, we would be so much better off. Great psychology/how-to book.
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