Sign in with Facebook
Loading...
19th out of 43 books
—
55 voters
Healing the Shame that Binds You
This classic book, written 17 years ago but still selling more than 13,000 copies every year, has been completely updated and expanded by the author. "I used to drink," writes John Bradshaw,"to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed." Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors: t...more
Paperback, 316 pages
Published
October 15th 2005
by Health Communications
(first published October 1st 1988)
Friend Reviews
To see what your friends thought of this book,
please sign up.
Community Reviews
(showing
1-30
of
3,000)
This book is a fundamental text in the field. What I found most helpful was understanding that shame-based families operate in a set of dysfunctional rules. Understanding that is the key to uprooting them from your psyche (or at least not taking them seriously).
It also helped me understand the physical experience of shame and how it shuts down your whole system - it binds to the emotions or sensations you were feeling at the time you were shamed, so when you feel those emotions again, the shame...more
It also helped me understand the physical experience of shame and how it shuts down your whole system - it binds to the emotions or sensations you were feeling at the time you were shamed, so when you feel those emotions again, the shame...more
When you are stuck inside a closed family system, you do not know you are not normal. Because the entire organism is ill, you think like the other members of your family, in spite of how wrong you feel within. It is not safe to complain. You are expected to be compliant, and worse--to be grateful.
Healing The Shame That Binds You explains in poetic detail the not so easy to see dynamics that create shame and guilt in closed dysfunctional family systems.
When my life was falling apart, and my famil...more
Healing The Shame That Binds You explains in poetic detail the not so easy to see dynamics that create shame and guilt in closed dysfunctional family systems.
When my life was falling apart, and my famil...more
In the category of self-help books for depression and anxiety, this was definitely a book that completely altered my outlook on life.
I have to warn that the first part delineates the problem, and the second half delineates the solution. The first part can be very tough to get through. But it is necessary to understand the extent of toxic shame. And once you get to the solution part, there are some great things & it's worth it.
I recommend this book for not only people struggling with depres...more
I have to warn that the first part delineates the problem, and the second half delineates the solution. The first part can be very tough to get through. But it is necessary to understand the extent of toxic shame. And once you get to the solution part, there are some great things & it's worth it.
I recommend this book for not only people struggling with depres...more
A MUST READ to understand the shame-based thinking that runs the psyche, not just for those dealing with addictions or compulsive behavior, but those who are still living with wounds from dysfunctional origin families... What lies beneath the symptoms of destructive behaviors, eating disorders, compulsions, addictions, abuse, control or co-dependence issues, and other self-defeating or self-limiting behaviors stems from the shame based thinking and beliefs we learned from the families we grew up...more
Very clearly defines the complex manifestations and causes of 'toxic shame' I was impressed by the authors depth of knowledge and understanding. It helped that I have 12 step program experience but there were enough techniques and exercises in the solution part of the book to help anyone take steps to deal with these issues. My only criticisms would be that he offers little in the way of healthy individual models as examples which leads the reader to conclude early on that everyone is doomed! No...more
One the main benefits of this book for me were the early chapters that helped me to see that I don't have an issue with toxic shame, as I had thought. In fact, my issues would be much better described as issues with guilt. Since the book really focuses on shame, most of the rest of the book didn't apply to me.
For those to whom the book does apply, I think it would probably be really good, though a lot of times it was so specific to the subject matter that it would be difficult for me to really e...more
For those to whom the book does apply, I think it would probably be really good, though a lot of times it was so specific to the subject matter that it would be difficult for me to really e...more
Healing the Shame that Binds You is the most enduring work of family relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author John Bradshaw. In it, he shows how unhealthy toxic shame, often learned young and maintained into adulthood, is the core component in our compulsions, co-dependencies, addictions and drive to superachieve. While positive shame empowers us and sustains the fabric of our social system, inappropriate or misdirected shame results in the breakdown of our self-esteem, the dest...more
This is one of the most enlightening and interesting books I've ever read. But it loses 1/2 a star (and that's generous) for having a title that could send you into a world of shame all on its own. Could you read this on the subway? I did, but I bought a purple book cover for it in order to do so. ... The book talks about how, starting with the story of Adam and Eve, shame has always been at the root of all our undoings. And yet our society continues to use shame as an attempted form of discipli...more
A hot mess of influences from attachment theory, psychodynamic theory, addiction literature, trauma, etc. Bradshaw definitely appropriates a lot, but I was okay with it, and the 'self-help' tone was not unbearable. I appreciated his observations of toxic shame and how it grows out of dysfunctional family dynamics. My favorite chapters were "Liberating your lost inner child" and "Integrating your disowned parts." The former had a guided imagery mediation/exercise that I used with a client success...more
This book changed my life. I'm almost a different person. What this book taught me let me shed shame, and the accompanying terror and anxiety, at least the non chemically motivated kind of anxiety. There's even a section on nlp that helps you alter those shame spiral bad memories that come back over and over, so they never surface without your consent. I am not a self-help book person, but this book is beyond good, I recommend it to anyone who's ever said ihatemyself i hate myself ihatemyself an...more
I was first introduced to John Bradshaw over 20 years ago but dismissed his contribution to my field (counselling psychology) because of how I judged my colleagues in the addictions field, who promoted his work, as “New Age” fanatics. Little did I realize at that time how strongly rooted I was in my own egotistical, judgmental “first half of life” false self. Twenty years later this book by Bradshaw was recommended to me by my spiritual direction supervisor, Jeff Imbach – someone that I trusted...more
All I can say, is that this is one of the best books I've ever read, period. No matter what you're going through, no matter what hurtles you face, large or small, this book delves straight into the heart of every issue, and believe me, it covers every issue you can imagine. I don't want to give too much away, take too much away from the book itself by sharing its wisdom, when I think you should definitely check it out for yourself. You don't need to be searching for inner-peace, answers to your...more
Have read this book several times over the years and each time read, it continues to help me discover issues which I need to work on. Bradshaw has a way to help a person examine areas of their life and see how these negative influences are toxic to one's well-being.
Bradshaw has a knack of speaking in terms which is understood and yet compassionate and accepting. I do recommend this book to anyone who is on a path of self acceptance and healing. I stress that it's also best to have a trust frien...more
Bradshaw has a knack of speaking in terms which is understood and yet compassionate and accepting. I do recommend this book to anyone who is on a path of self acceptance and healing. I stress that it's also best to have a trust frien...more
Dec 03, 2008
Joanna
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Everyone
Recommended to Joanna by:
My fellow Queen Janice
This is the first book I have ever read based on self help and I am hitting myself over the head for not reading it sooner! What an eye-opener it has been and how quickly it has changed things about my life. The book has an excellent bibliography, one that I intend to use to the fullest extent. I am on the last chapter of this book and I have to return it to the library soon but I'm thinking of buying it because it is the most important book I have ever read in my life. I owe it all to my litera...more
Without a doubt a must read for anyone working a 12 step program. My only wish is that I had access to, and the willingness to read, this book before I began having children. This books reminds us that everyone is formed from not only our own actions but things that happens and is passed on from our parents. This book provides proof that you can not save another, before saving yourself. It offers resolution in anger between parents and I and the ability to see who they were and how much they lov...more
This is an important book for everyone to read. If you are from a dysfunctional family...if you are living in a dysfunctional situation this book will speak directly to you. For the healthy among us, because we are surrounded by dysfunctional and hurting people, this book has something to offer everyone. It is a window to understanding cause and effect, but more importantly, Bradshaw offers a number of strategies to deal with emotional wounds. People deserve to live life fully, and if there are...more
I read this book when I was in college studying psychology, or shortly thereafter. I remember this being a REALLY GOOD book at understanding how shame is such an integral part of our shadow selves. If someone is feeling like they have deep, dark secrets or there is something wrong with them or that they are a bad person, or if they are struggling with addiction this book goes a long way in explaining where that can be coming from and how to heal it.
No need to recommend--I went through my John Bradshaw phase in the early nineties, and read all of his books then. At the time they seemed valuable, but since I've decided that a little more shame might be a good thing in our society. I was also somewhat disappointed in some of Bradshaw's remarks when I went to hear him speak at Kane Hall.
Great book! This book really nailed me and helped me to see how toxic shame has impacted my life. While I do believe in God personally, I don't agree with the author's assertion that someone who is an atheist or agnostic is "spiritually bankrupt." But this book is still a great tool in overcoming the shame that permeates our society.
First read in the 1980s, it is a book I go back to from time to time and am amazed at how relevant it still is. And the remarkable thing is, as I get older, I get different things out of it each time. An amazing book for anyone who is on the path of self-discovery.
Read this in college, very insightful and helps you become aware of why people might do the things they do. I later worked for a shelter for battered women and this book helped me to be more understanding and less judgmental. Everyone has a story!!
Though it had a lot of good points and helps a person to reflect, I felt like it caused all these negative emotions of the past to reemerge more than they need to. Which, in turn, created the opposite effect than what I wanted in reading it.
When I read this book some years ago, it was life changing. I liked how the book differentiates between healthy and unhealthy shame, and validates how shame (contrary to societal beliefs) is a valid emotion just like any other.
Now I know, I'm a victim of toxic-shame. This book is a boon for those who are seeking inner freedom and who are willing and ready to face up to some hard truths about themselves. The road to healing and integration is long, but at least now I know I'm on that journey.
This book gave me tools to start dealing with some old wounds. Most importantly, it gave me tools to help me shut up the negative voices in my head that tell me I'm not worthy.
Awesome book. This was the first book that I read about addictions. It was eye-opening and gave great insight into what causes and maintains addiction.
Helped me with some personal growth during a difficult time in my 20's. Now I would probably choose a book by Dan Allender or M. Scott Peck instead.
Rereading this (a new edition). I am getting a lot more out of it this time -- a deeper layer. The description says it all for me.
John Bradshaw gives the best description of how the co-dependent family dysfunctions. His book is a god send for those looking for answers.
Jul 02, 2012
Don
added it
Wonderful book for the person in recovery from any addiction or abuse. Many stories of real people including the author.
There are no discussion topics on this book yet.
Be the first to start one »
Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the GoodReads database with this name.
John Elliot Bradshaw is an American educator, counselor, motivational speaker and author who has hosted a number of PBS television programs on topics such as addiction, recovery, codependency and spirituality. Bradshaw is active in the self-help movement, and is credited with popularizing such ideas as the "woun...more
More about John Bradshaw...
John Elliot Bradshaw is an American educator, counselor, motivational speaker and author who has hosted a number of PBS television programs on topics such as addiction, recovery, codependency and spirituality. Bradshaw is active in the self-help movement, and is credited with popularizing such ideas as the "woun...more
Share This Book
No trivia or quizzes yet. Add some now »
“Since the earliest period of our life was preverbal, everything depended on emotional interaction. Without someone to reflect our emotions, we had no way of knowing who we were.”
—
13 people liked it
“Hell, in my opinion, is never finding your true self and never living your own life or knowing who you are.”
—
11 people liked it
More quotes…
I read this book years and years ago and got a LOT out of it!
J.m.S
Dec 12, 2012 11:46pm