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Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of
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Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of

4.16  ·  Rating Details ·  1,971 Ratings  ·  179 Reviews
What the Eldredge bestsellers Wild at Heart did for men, and Captivating did for women, LOVE & WAR will do for married couples everywhere. John and Stasi Eldredge have contributed the quintessential works on Christian spirituality through the experience of men and the experience of women and now they turn their focus to the incredible dynamic between those two forces. ...more
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Published December 15th 2009 by Random House Audio (first published December 9th 2009)
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Kay Oswin
Mar 12, 2014 Kay Oswin rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
After leaving my marriage of 30 years this book tore my heart. You may question why I'd be crazy enough to read it. I still believe in fabulous marriages as I've seen too many not to believe. I am hopeful that one day I may have a marriage that allows vulnerability, passion and openness like the one explored in this book, even the doing the work to get a marriage this sounds good to me.

This book is a powerful tool to open the creaky doors, for those brave enough to go to the vulnerable places an
Feb 05, 2011 John rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This is the most honest book on marriage that I've ever read, and the one that has the most promise to be truly helpful.

I've read marriage books that basically say follow these principles, or just learn these handy techniques, and all your troubles will melt away. And I've read other well-meaning books that are some variation of a Bible lesson: here's what God intends for you to be as a godly husband and wife, so just obey all these verses to guarantee you a picture-perfect relationship.

John &
Nov 17, 2010 Maggie rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
We read this book for our home group (bible study).
Because I generally despise John Eldredge's stuff, I probably never ever would have read this on my own, so I started off w/MAJOR reservations, including: the crap crap crap writing (think of how many incomplete sentences are acceptable for a book written in a candid manner -- then add about a bazillion & you've got this book; potentially shaky theology thanks to more movie illustrations than biblical illustrations; overuse & abuse of ce
Rachel Crooks
Mar 22, 2011 Rachel Crooks rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Although I'm not married, I was interested to see what John and Stasi Eldredge would write about marriage after reading Captivating and Wild at Heart. I was continually impressed by the honesty and courage of this couple in exposing the highs and lows of their marriage. I think whenever people have enough bravery to own up to something difficult, it frees those around them to do the same, which leads to more honest communication and greater communities.
I was also impressed by the amount of se
Jul 14, 2010 Annetter rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I am not a fan of self-help or how-to books, and I haven't cared much for the Eldredge style. I began reading this book because I value my relationship with my husband. I struggled through the first 3 or 4 chapters. There are comments and stereotypical assumptions about men and women that don't really work well for either me or my husband. But by about the 4th chapter, the authors began developing some very pertinent ideas, looking at relationships and their contexts past and present. I learned ...more
Oct 05, 2010 Laura rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
We live in a world where most people don't want to admit that their marriage isn't all "happily ever after" and they wait until it is too late to start talking about it. Love and War was a refreshing breath of reality where even though John and Stasi Eldredge are running a wonderful Christian ministry they let us know that they are just like the rest of us. They don't have a perfect marriage (because, honestly, perfect marriages don't exist), they struggle with many of the same things you and I ...more
Feb 27, 2010 Amydeanne rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Don’t be scared off by the title!

Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge is out just in time for Valentine’s Day. And what else could Love and War be about other than marriage! I mean where else do the terms love and war work so well together? lol. I love my marriage, but sometimes you want to call war because of disagreements.

I’ll admit I wasn’t expecting to get much out of this book. We’ve (Mr. C & I) been together for a long time, so I’ve read a lot of marriage counselling books over the
Daniel Butcher
May 20, 2011 Daniel Butcher rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Love & War: Find Your Way to Something Beautiful in Your Marriage by John & Stasi Eldredge
John and Stasi Eldredge in Love & War let their readers into a secret. Marriage is a battle, it’s more than a battle it’s a war and failure would be devastating. The Eldredges use their own marriage and those they have counseled to detail how this war for your marriage is taking place and strategies in order to win the day. The key principal that they teach is that a couple should include God
Wendy Alton
Sep 10, 2011 Wendy Alton rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition

My husband and I were on day 3 of silence when Love & War arrived, and despite my initial excitement when I ordered the book, I was so stubborn in our nasty fight that I refused to pick it up and start reading it. In fact, it wasn't until after 5 days of silence that we somehow recovered, and only then did I reluctantly pick up the book. How foolish was I to be so utterly stubborn. Why in the world would I actually live through 5 days of silence in my
Nov 27, 2010 Dave rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
My fiancé and I went through this book together as a weekly devotional. We both found it to be very challenging and a great filter to sift our relationship through. In doing so we have found areas of weakness, great strength, as well as many areas of common ground, all of which have helped us grow and gain a deeper knowledge about each others' heart and soul. It became an excellent tool to find out what the honest condition of each others' spiritual life really is.

I find the book to be very real
Neil Geisel
Jun 12, 2015 Neil Geisel rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
This marriage book is unique and holds a different light on marriage than a lot of books I've read. I do like John Eldridge's style and relate well to his life experiences. This book is compounded with Stasi's points of view and we are given a glimpse into their marriage, life struggles, and relationship with God. I learned some important attitude adjustments and have been convicted through this reading to pursue God intentionally through our marriage with prayer and learning to love.
Dec 19, 2014 Lawrence rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
This was the selection for our church group. I've done other marriage studies, but I found the approach to this one refreshing. While others have taken the approach "if you had done it right from the beginning, like we told you to, like we did, then everything would be better for you," this took the approach that "we have all made mistakes, including us, and it has made a mess of things. But, together with God, we can do better at overcoming those mistakes and having a happier marriage.". Not th ...more
Sep 19, 2013 Pauline rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
My husband & I read this together & both loved it! Stark realism, humility, and a wonderful perspective about the war that all marriages face as we glorify God through our relationships! Highly recommend! Greg & I will be doing a bible study for couples based on this series. We are going to read it again...chapter by chapter to discuss more in depth together! Fight for your marriage!
I did think that this book is better than the other two I've read by them (Wild at Heart and Captivating). I find them overly dependent on emotion and personal revelation and under-committed to the Bible and what God has actually said about things. Strong exhortation for married couples to be praying together was a high point of the book.
Sheila Gregoire
Dec 12, 2014 Sheila Gregoire rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
John and Stasi Eldredge show how the biggest impediment to marriage is ourselves. We don't understand that this is a battle, and that we have to engage in the battle--we have to be willing to change ourselves.

That's why God created marriage--as an impetus to change us towards greater holiness.

And that's why so much marriage advice doesn't work. It's not about changing little things; it's about changing the heart.

The book is almost poetic, and it's an easy read with a lot of great stories.

My prob
David Mullen
Dec 15, 2014 David Mullen rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Must Read Marriage Book

I loved the brutal honesty of this book. The pettiness of all of us and how we bring that, and our life's baggage, into out marriages is astounding. It shouldn't be...but it is. Reading that such prolific auuthors (on marriage and life) stuggle with the same things we all do, helps to bring home the immediacy of the one is immune. Pretending there isn't a problem dosnt work. Pretending it all the other person is almost always dishonest...and it doesnt work. We
Sep 05, 2015 Laura rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
This was a great, great book for the season of marriage in which I find myself! Very encouraging & insightful! I loved every chapter. There is so much in this book, I think I would benefit from reading it again!
Ivonne Vivlo
Apr 19, 2015 Ivonne Vivlo rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I do like the perspective given by the author about marriage, I think that all of us always tried to find out how things would have been going living with the person we love, those expectations usually disappoint us because we do not consider the importance of knowing ourselves even before getting married. The beautiful thing is that for our almighty God everything is possible and through these pages we can see and learn how to work and fight for the very special blessing that a marriage can be. ...more
Jul 09, 2011 Tory rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
See my review here.
Clyde Sandford
May 12, 2015 Clyde Sandford rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I haven't found too many authors willing to tackle the difficult subject of spiritual warfare in marriage, until I read this book. John & Stasi effectively create a framework within which spiritual warfare is a category they encourage couples to think in. They aren't saying there is a "demon behind every rock" but neither do they shy away from openly discussing warfare from practical examples from their lives. I'd highly recommend this resource for couples looking to strengthen their marriag ...more
Jan 16, 2016 Johanna rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: favorites
The Eldredge's give insight in this book that is not found in ANY other marriage resource I've seen. I value their honesty about hard times in their marriage, and I believe that their advice and encouragement will change (and already has begun to change) my marriage for the better.

The book is about how eternally important marriage is, how a strong marriage is one of the things Satan hates the most. Sometimes when we fight, we are in the middle of a spiritual battle, and John and Stasi remind the
Nikole Hahn
Jun 17, 2011 Nikole Hahn rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: review
Step One involves a change in our perspective. We take the life we have right now, and we say to ourselves, We are in this together.” Pg. 118

It's difficult to read a book aimed at challenging marriages when my marriage is healthy. I am not and never have been “disappointed” in my marriage and never felt “responsible” for his unhappiness when he's always been happy. Overall, the mix of humor, wisdom and personal experiences make this book ideal for troubled marriages, except for the introduction.
Jan 26, 2010 Pastoralmusings rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
John and Stasi Eldredge have written a very good book here.
With amazing transparency, wisdom, and painful reflection on their own lives they give us much needed direction.
Marriage is not only about love. There is the need for a commitment to loving and cleaving to each other. For a couple to truly make it and have a happy marriage, they will have to fight. We must war for good marriage.
Sadly, too many approach marriage with a romantic sort of story book mentality and then give up when the going
Aug 21, 2011 Jessica rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Love and War by John and Stasi Eldridge has some great ideas to get you inspired to change the way you relate to your spouse. One of my favorite thoughts from the book is the reminder that God uses marriage to illustrate His love and relationship for us- and the note that the world is watching! What a motivator to remember that the way my husband and I relate to each other is being watched by others and that we can be an example of God's love and desire for us! though scary when you think about ...more
Feb 12, 2010 Farrah rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Whether you are a Christian or not, this is still a great marital resource to bring more insight, understanding, and ways to help bridge any gap. Of course with all relationship resources, it’s always good to look through it together. I definitely give it 4 stars for a resource to stay on the shelves in case I need occasional reminders at later dates.

My own personal reminder…a reminder of how important and how good it feels to share with our significant others.

We share in the adventure when we s
Clockstein Lockstein
Love and War by John & Stasi Eldredge is a must read help for marriage from the authors of Wild at Heart and Captivating. The Eldredges use God's love for his people and Christ's marriage to the church as their guide for how successful marriage should work. It's too easy for each spouse to live only for themselves and fulfill the need to always be right, but that's why the divorce rate is so high in this country. They are emphatic in their belief that no marriage is a mistake; God has guided ...more
Feb 11, 2010 Heather rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I received this book from the publisher as part of a blog tour. I had heard of John Eldredge, so I was excited to have a chance to read something he'd written.

This book is VERY good. VERY insightful. It is a Christian book about marriage, and it talks all about what God intended marriage to be. It was an eye-opener, insofar as it really helped me see why Satan is trying to hard to undermine marriage - not only by attacking intact marriage, but also by convincing people that it's irrelevant and
Oct 08, 2010 Jennifer rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
It’s easy to begin something new excited and optimistic. And then the moment something less-than-perfect happens it might seem like the whole world is crashing down. John and Stasi Eldredge offer guidance to husband and wives who find themselves wondering what went wrong in their marriages. People aren’t perfect. Instead, the Eldredges point out that people are insecure about themselves, unreasonable in their expectations, and inapt when it comes to effective communication. But they tell us that ...more
Worth reading as a couple. My wife liked most of it, though she hated a couple of things. I would say the same. A good summary would be three principles for a healthy marriage that the authors give about 2/3 of the way through (I'm quoting from memory here). Each partner should:

- build a strong relationship with God;
- deal with their "brokenness";
- learn to fight for each other's welfare in the spiritual realm.

The sum of these three is that marriage isn't just about two people. (So, a lot of tim
Julie - Book Hooked Blog
Jan 19, 2012 Julie - Book Hooked Blog rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: marriage
I've enjoyed books by John Eldredge before and this one was not a disappointment. I was thrilled that Waterbrook/Multnomah provided me with a copy for review! The best summary I can give of the book, is a quote from pg. 208:

"We live in a love story, set in the midst of a war. Love is our destiny and all hell is set against it."

John and Stasi present both practical and spiritual tools for overcoming the enemy in the battleground that is marriage. While the book occasionally veered into territory
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John Eldredge is an author (you probably figured that out), a counselor, and teacher. He is also president of Ransomed Heart, a ministry devoted to helping people discover the heart of God, recover their own heart in his love, and learn to live in his Kingdom. John grew up in the suburbs of Los Angeles (which he hated), and spent his boyhood summers on his grandfather’s cattle ranch in eastern Ore ...more
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“You would not ask someone with a broken arm to swim the English Channel, so you cannot demand that the broken to live as if they were whole.” 17 likes
“You live in a world at war. Spiritual attack must be a category you think in or you will misunderstand more than half of what happens in your marriage.” 11 likes
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