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14th out of 61 books
—
52 voters
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
by
Byron Katie (Goodreads Author),
Stephen Mitchell (Goodreads Author)
Out of nowhere, like a breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice, comes Byron Katie and “The Work.” In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended...more
Paperback, 352 pages
Published
December 23rd 2003
by Three Rivers Press
(first published March 19th 2002)
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Hmmmm...need to digest this one before writing a review. Some things rang true, some were rather disturbing. I'll be back in a bit...
I'm back. Here we go:
**Update**
After a long discussion with a good friend who found The Work extremely helpful in dealing with some difficult issues in her life recently, I'm willing to acknowledge that when applied appropriately with greater guidance and/or better explanation, many of my concerns as outlined below can be alleviated. My rating is staying at a 1-sta...more
I'm back. Here we go:
**Update**
After a long discussion with a good friend who found The Work extremely helpful in dealing with some difficult issues in her life recently, I'm willing to acknowledge that when applied appropriately with greater guidance and/or better explanation, many of my concerns as outlined below can be alleviated. My rating is staying at a 1-sta...more
I've got nothing against the message of this book or the questions it's build up around.
It's just that it's all a little... shallow. . and simplistic.
There's so much more to life, and people and their problems, and their stories, and their thinking and their feelings than Byron Katie acknowledges.
Life is complex.
And sometimes the way to clear your mind or look at life and things from a different perspective doesn't come in a 4-question package, no matter how well and often it has worked for oth...more
It's just that it's all a little... shallow. . and simplistic.
There's so much more to life, and people and their problems, and their stories, and their thinking and their feelings than Byron Katie acknowledges.
Life is complex.
And sometimes the way to clear your mind or look at life and things from a different perspective doesn't come in a 4-question package, no matter how well and often it has worked for oth...more
5 likes · like · see review
This book about blew the top of my head off.
Numerous times I had to sit back and contemplate the book for a long long time before I felt prepared to continue.
I recommend this to EVERYBODY. It's another one of those books that would improve the world by major leaps and bounds if everybody read it.
Numerous times I had to sit back and contemplate the book for a long long time before I felt prepared to continue.
I recommend this to EVERYBODY. It's another one of those books that would improve the world by major leaps and bounds if everybody read it.
Nov 02, 2008
V
rated it
4 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone seeking to improve themselves, or seeking better understanding
Recommended to V by:
Book Club
To start, let me say I generally loathe self-help books. I don't like reading them, and most generally end up throwing the book out, or keeping it as a source of laughter material.
I would not have read this book if I didn't have to for a book club, and when I first picked it up and started reading I was like "Oh come on.. really?"
But as I got further into the book, and really started to grasp exactly what she was trying to say, and trying to get people to implement in their lives.. The simplicit...more
I would not have read this book if I didn't have to for a book club, and when I first picked it up and started reading I was like "Oh come on.. really?"
But as I got further into the book, and really started to grasp exactly what she was trying to say, and trying to get people to implement in their lives.. The simplicit...more
Aug 15, 2008
Ashley
rated it
5 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
Anyone, an open mind would help.
Recommended to Ashley by:
Jeanne
This book was recommended to me by a friend who said there was no need to read the book from cover to cover. She said that I could pick and choose my areas based on what I am facing on the days I pick up the book. I couldn't do it and I'm glad I didn't. In order for me to fully grasp Byron Katie's philosphy I needed to read the entire book before being able to fully understand her steps. Her dialogues were probably the most helpful in learining how to question myself.
I found this book to be ver...more
I found this book to be ver...more
2 likes · like · see review
Mar 27, 2008
Jimi Ballard
rated it
5 of 5 stars
·
review of another edition
Recommends it for:
people aready familiar with "the work" through Byron Katie's previous books.
Shelves:
spirituality
I listened to this mostly while on a 4 hour drive and while walking my dog. I don't usually like to treat books as background noise but it worked in this case.
If you're not already familiar with Byron Katie's process of inquiry that she calls "the work" you should start with "Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life". Read that and then actually put her process of inquiry into practice a few times. This book will make much more sense if you have that background first.
In "Loving W...more
If you're not already familiar with Byron Katie's process of inquiry that she calls "the work" you should start with "Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life". Read that and then actually put her process of inquiry into practice a few times. This book will make much more sense if you have that background first.
In "Loving W...more
This is a hard review. Her book (and her questions, but mostly her interviews-as-examples) have the potential to help a lot of people deal with interpersonal issues (that she boils down to inner-personal). The problem I have is the potentially dangerous way that she applies a universal logic to dealing with complex problems. The questions are general enough, and the answers are supposed to be generated by the people answering them. Still, she makes it quite clear from the numerous case studies i...more
Despite some vile language in the transcripts used to illustrate the author's system and a slightly condescending tone found there, I found this book a wonderful little tool for dissecting embedded beliefs that do nothing but create grief. The author's basic premise is that most unhappiness and stress comes when we argue with reality. By answering four questions and turning what's bothering you into turnaround statements, you can identify what's really true about situation, discovering new optio...more
WOW. Goodreads just malfunctioned and deleted the review I just spent 30 minutes writing and didn't back up.
And I'm not even mad.
The old me would have been pissed.
But not this me.
This me thinks: "Hm. Goodreads lost my huge, long review. That's the reality of it. I will smile in the face of that reality, then I will go ahead and write a tiny review instead of a huge one, then I will go to lie down horizontally on my bed, and be inexplicably happy as I fall asleep."
In a nutshell:
1. DO not read th...more
And I'm not even mad.
The old me would have been pissed.
But not this me.
This me thinks: "Hm. Goodreads lost my huge, long review. That's the reality of it. I will smile in the face of that reality, then I will go ahead and write a tiny review instead of a huge one, then I will go to lie down horizontally on my bed, and be inexplicably happy as I fall asleep."
In a nutshell:
1. DO not read th...more
I read this because I saw a quote, which I liked, in an online discussion. The quote was actually from another book by the same author -- maybe I should try that other book instead.
In this one, the four questions (and a "turnaround") are like a simple, pared-down form of cognitive therapy. I tried them on a few problems, and they were helpful. Also helpful was Katie's notion that there are three types of business -- yours, mine, and God's -- and much of our stress comes from "mentally living out...more
In this one, the four questions (and a "turnaround") are like a simple, pared-down form of cognitive therapy. I tried them on a few problems, and they were helpful. Also helpful was Katie's notion that there are three types of business -- yours, mine, and God's -- and much of our stress comes from "mentally living out...more
1 like · like · see review
I was recommended this by my counsellor. I was very unsure about it because a lot of reviews suggested it includes a lot of victim blaming -- and this is, in a sense, true: Byron Katie's theory is essentially that we are always the ones causing ourselves pain. She does tell a woman to figure out what part her nine year old self had in her own rape, what she did 'wrong'.
That sounds very discomforting, but I think I see why she does it. When you've had some kind of trauma, there's often a question...more
That sounds very discomforting, but I think I see why she does it. When you've had some kind of trauma, there's often a question...more
If you want a life-changing book, then you need to read this one today. It is so powerful.
Years ago, after months of dealing with post-partum depression after giving birth to my first child, my GP suggested I talk to a therapist to help me through the depression. I ended up seeing a cognitive therapist for a few months, which blew my mind. I actually got the tools necessary to help me deal with my emotional reactions to situations going on around me.
Byron Katie, whose book is at heart cognitiv...more
Years ago, after months of dealing with post-partum depression after giving birth to my first child, my GP suggested I talk to a therapist to help me through the depression. I ended up seeing a cognitive therapist for a few months, which blew my mind. I actually got the tools necessary to help me deal with my emotional reactions to situations going on around me.
Byron Katie, whose book is at heart cognitiv...more
Jun 08, 2011
Chavonne
rated it
1 of 5 stars
Recommends it for:
No one.
Shelves:
just-could-not-finish,
nonfiction
This book is dangerous. I'd heard from somewhere I can't remember that this book was helpful in learning acceptance. I'm always looking to move forward in that so I thought I'd give this a try. I read about half of the introduction when I realized that this book was offering something I just cannot stomach: blaming the victim. Sure, there have been things that have happened in my life that I could take more responsibility, behaviors that I could have not made because I knew better and through ad...more
3 likes · like · see review
As other readers have stated, this book was really hard to review. I didn't feel that the author was truly honest, for some reason. She presents herself as completely altruistic, but the dynasty that she is building through "the Work" doesn't seem to support that hypothesis. She comes off as a bit of a New Age nut, and the book is a little silly in parts.
But I have to admit that the four questions were insightful and actually helped me to see through a lot of issues I have been dealing with late...more
But I have to admit that the four questions were insightful and actually helped me to see through a lot of issues I have been dealing with late...more
Being a serious Truth-seeker, I love Byron Katie's work. She is an enlightened, wonderful woman that is full of love, and doing much to bless the planet. I've heard her speak live, and this book is a faithful representation of "The Work" she does. One of the most user friendly, paradigm shifting processes out there. You can see clips of her facilitating "The Work" on Youtube as well. One of my favorites is "Prison of the Mind"...where she goes into a Prison and helps Inmates look at their though...more
Very powerful book! Mainly, about exploring the stories that we tell ourselves and how that causes us uneasy and unhappiness. The process is simple, which I love. Here are a few quotes from the book which struck a cord within me, "we are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens.", "suffering is optional", "no one can hurt me - that's my job" & "when I argue with reality, I lose - but only 100 percent of the time".
1 like · like · see review
One of my favorites. I love the way Katie cuts through the distortions of mind, enabling people to free themselves from their stressful thoughts and arrive at a place of love and acceptance for the very same.
There is everything you need to do 'The Work' for yourself however, I would recommend for those new to the work to have someone facilitate them through the process - the ego can put up quite a fight, deception of the self is easy.
When I first saw someone being led through the work it didn'...more
There is everything you need to do 'The Work' for yourself however, I would recommend for those new to the work to have someone facilitate them through the process - the ego can put up quite a fight, deception of the self is easy.
When I first saw someone being led through the work it didn'...more
This book teaches the same thing that Bonds that Make us Free teaches, or Anatomy of Peace, yet it's more like "how to get out of the box in four steps" to put it in the language of Bonds. It's stated simply, yet very powerful if I can apply it. Encourages writing what your thoughts are as a way of working through to the truth of your thoughts. 20% of it is her message, the rest is dialogue between her and others doing "the work".
I listened to part of the audio version of this book, but I couldn't finish it. I first learned of this book from a smart, very successful woman who referenced it in a talk to 250 of my co-workers. She mentioned how life-changing it was to determine what was her business, someone else's business or God's business. That made sense, so I decided to check it out.
My first dumbfounded moment was in her conversation with a mother who was struggling with her young son not doing his chores, not doing hi...more
My first dumbfounded moment was in her conversation with a mother who was struggling with her young son not doing his chores, not doing hi...more
I dont disagree with the concept of what she is trying to get across; I agree that only we have control over our own reality and the thoughts that reinforce our way of feeling. I agree about projection and acceptance. I like some of the questions such as "who would you be without the thought..." On the other hand I think the method is a bit harsh and cannot be used with just anyone who is suffering. I think it puts blame on people which can further reinforce the victim role that people who suffe...more
I went into this with open eyes and mind and ended up being quite disappointed.
***SPOILER ALERT***
The story that really sent me over the edge was the one of the abused woman. She was sexually abused by her stepfather from about age 9.
Byron Katie must not be a sexual abuse surivor because her "work" with this gal both appalling and insensitive. To tell a victim that they need to admit they are guilty of some part of the abuse is incomprehensible to me. And to tell a victim to put herself into th...more
3 likes · like · see review
This book actually delivered on what so many promise: it changed my life.
Katie, who I later met when she was giving a workshop nearby, is a most unusual teacher. With no background in spiritual work, she spontaneously "awoke" one day after a lot of stress in her life, and then spent years trying to integrate her new consciousness into her day to day life.
The book explains the way she put together her experiences in order to teach other people how to avoid the unnecessary suffering that bedevils...more
Katie, who I later met when she was giving a workshop nearby, is a most unusual teacher. With no background in spiritual work, she spontaneously "awoke" one day after a lot of stress in her life, and then spent years trying to integrate her new consciousness into her day to day life.
The book explains the way she put together her experiences in order to teach other people how to avoid the unnecessary suffering that bedevils...more
My mom gave me this book about 4 years ago and I never got around to reading it until now. I thought it was very thought provoking. I have been trying her techniques and I think there is a lot of truth in this book and in what she says. (though of course not complete truth...)
I think I read it at the right time in my life, and I think it will be helpful to me. I am interested to see if I will be able to tell a difference in how I live my life, and how I feel about my thoughts etc. after I have b...more
I think I read it at the right time in my life, and I think it will be helpful to me. I am interested to see if I will be able to tell a difference in how I live my life, and how I feel about my thoughts etc. after I have b...more
She has a good message, yes, appreciate what is happening and the moment around you. Don't dwell on the past and the things that you don't have in your life. I believe in that. Part of the message also is that if someone bugs you, then you're taking it on as your problem. Is it really your problem?
I also commend her for what she's accomplished in her life. she seems to contradict herself, even in some other books I've read. I feel she's telling a person you don't have to be responsible for life...more
I also commend her for what she's accomplished in her life. she seems to contradict herself, even in some other books I've read. I feel she's telling a person you don't have to be responsible for life...more
This was another book that I've been hearing about for years and have been meaning to read for forever. I finally bit the bullet and bought it on audible. My favorite part was that I felt that she explored my favorite concept from "Bonds That Make Us Free" (Terry Warner, Arbinger): When we are having a hard time forgiving others, it is really ourselves and our own actions that we can't forgive. She uses this simple, practical process to identify when this is happening. No therapist, no huge proc...more
Good book with a process on how to accept and effectively deal with reality in your life. Good advice on how to sort problems in a way that lets you drop most of them (hint: they're not your problems to begin with). Also a way of looking at things that happen in life, which I feel most people will find helpful.
Nothing here that people into new age or self-development books probably haven't read other places, but it's said in ways which are unique and will be helpful in achieving a deeper underst...more
Nothing here that people into new age or self-development books probably haven't read other places, but it's said in ways which are unique and will be helpful in achieving a deeper underst...more
This book blew my mind. I don't think that one can fully appreciate the depth and impact of the kind of thinking Byron Katie advocates without at least two reads of this book - or at least I can't. I plan to set this one aside for a little bit, contemplate seriously the things that she talks about, and then pick it up again and go through it. While reading the book I did have a very profound experience with "The Work" which convinced me that these techniques can be a way to end suffering, espec...more
Byron Katie ROCKS!
I know there's no shortage of new-agey feel-good pop-psych gurus out there, and I admit to having taken more than a few of them a little too seriously at times. Still, there are some who offer lasting value, something real, original (or at least presented in an original manner), and useful. Katie is one of them and this book is worth your time.
Willing to be guided by my evaluation? Great, read the book! Think I'm fulla compost? S'okay, read the book just to prove me wrong. Yo...more
I know there's no shortage of new-agey feel-good pop-psych gurus out there, and I admit to having taken more than a few of them a little too seriously at times. Still, there are some who offer lasting value, something real, original (or at least presented in an original manner), and useful. Katie is one of them and this book is worth your time.
Willing to be guided by my evaluation? Great, read the book! Think I'm fulla compost? S'okay, read the book just to prove me wrong. Yo...more
A friend recommended this book. The author's explain the process of "inquiry" which is a method of asking oneself 4 or more questions to investigate one's thinking about a person, event, thought, etc. The basic premise is more or less "it is what it is" and life would be so much happier if we could stop thinking about things from the past and focus on "loving what is".
Some of the examples were from horrific events in people's lives and were hard to read. They did illustrate how something that oc...more
Some of the examples were from horrific events in people's lives and were hard to read. They did illustrate how something that oc...more
This is an amazingly simple yet profound book. When someone tells her gossip, or a gripe, or a beef, she simply says, "Is that true?" and challenges people to be truly honest with themselves. If they feel wronged or misunderstood, she asks of their perceptions, "Is that always true?"
"Can you absolutely know that it's true?", "can you know for sure that is what they are thinking?"
She challenges people to accurately interpret, and clearly evaluate, "Is my thought causing the stress?" and then chal...more
"Can you absolutely know that it's true?", "can you know for sure that is what they are thinking?"
She challenges people to accurately interpret, and clearly evaluate, "Is my thought causing the stress?" and then chal...more
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Byron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker and writer who teaches a method of self-inquiry called “The Work of Byron Katie” or simply “The Work.”
Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia,...more
More about Byron Katie...
Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia,...more
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“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”
—
84 people liked it
“A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”
—
58 people liked it
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Jan 07, 2013 11:01pm
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