One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, a Marriage, and the Language of Healing

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One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, a Marriage, and the Language of Healing

3.8 of 5 stars 3.80 · rating details · 627 ratings · 188 reviews

"This book has done what no other has for me in recent years: it has renewed my faith in the redemptive power of love, the need to give and get it unstintingly, to hold nothing back, settle for nothing less, because when flesh and being and even life falls away, love endures. This book is proof." —Abraham Verghese, New York Times

"Diane Ackerman's most enjoyable, intimate,...more

Hardcover, 322 pages

Published April 4th 2011 by W. W. Norton & Company (first published January 1st 2011)

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The News About the News by Leonard Downie Jr.

Chautauqua Literary and Scientific Circle

10th out of 50 books — 6 voters

One Hundred Names for Love by Diane Ackerman

Harlem is Nowhere by Sharifa Rhodes-Pitts

2012 National Book Critics Circle Awards Finalists for Autobiography and Biography

4th out of 10 books — 4 voters

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Apr 22, 2012 Jenny Brown rated it 3 of 5 stars

Since my "day job" is being an expert in diabetes, the thing that got to me most about this book was the tragically poor medical advice the author followed, especially as she prides herself on doing medical research.

She lovingly feeds her husband a diet of sugar free, low fat, high carb foods which, unbeknownst to her, since she never tests her husband's blood sugar after meals, ensures the high blood sugars that worsen his neuropathy, heart disease and the likelihood of more strokes.

It's a sh...more Since my "day job" is being an expert in diabetes, the thing that got to me most about this book was the tragically poor medical advice the author followed, especially as she prides herself on doing medical research.

She lovingly feeds her husband a diet of sugar free, low fat, high carb foods which, unbeknownst to her, since she never tests her husband's blood sugar after meals, ensures the high blood sugars that worsen his neuropathy, heart disease and the likelihood of more strokes.

It's a shame her husband didn't visit a good endocrinologist back when he was first diagnosed with diabetes rather than the beloved family doctor whose diet and treatment advice shows that her training in diabetes was decades old and way out of date. For example, at one point the author mentions that she tests her husband's blood and injects long acting insulin if the reading is over 150 mg/dl. This would have been standard advice in 1995, but not 2005.

The key to controlling blood sugars safely is to cut carbohydrates out of meals, not fat. And "sugar free" foods are toxic, being as they are full of starch and Maltitol both of which raise blood sugar. If you are coping with diabetes please read the one page, very simple explanation of how to safely lower blood sugar you'll find at http://bloodsugar101.com/how.php .

Otherwise, the author's depiction of what her husband goes through and the way it affects his use of language is interesting, and may give hope and some ideas to others dealing with an aphasic loved one. At times the author's obsession with her idea of being a poet leads her into flights of purple prose that get as word salady as any production of her afflicted spouse, particularly early in the book. Skip those paragraphs and go on to the account of her husband's recovery, which form the latter half of the book, and you will get good insights into what can happen to language after a stroke and how you might be able to help someone coping with severe damage to the language areas of the brain.(less)

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Jun 12, 2012 Keegan rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir

About a writer couple and about the husband (a former professor) having a stroke and his improvement post-stroke. Not a fast read, but beautifully written. I got bogged down in the beginning more with the dire state of his health and the heaviness of the writing (which right now is not usual reading for me), but later as Paul made improvements I just really loved it. I loved the quirkiness of their relationships and the fun turns of phrase. I loved how much they loved each other and how that did...more

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Sep 24, 2011 Nannie Bittinger rated it 5 of 5 stars

Recommended to Nannie by: chatauqua reading circle

An amazing love story with so much knowledge and information as well. Very readable and often poetic and lyrical phrasing. Ackerman and her husband are wonderful wordsmiths. Highly recommend it for anyone. The first few chapters were really the hardest for me...Ackerman is able to convey her fear, confusion, and aloneness so well that it is painful to read. As the story continues however, it becomes such a journey of discovery in so many ways for everyone in the story as well as for the reader.

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Mar 16, 2013 Karen Charbonneau rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is the story of a successful May-September marriage in its later, very difficult, years, after Paul West, novelist, and the husband of author, Diane Ackerman, has a stroke in his mid-70s, losing his ability to speak, understand words, read, identify objects - and yet is still a thinking person. And at his advanced age, under the care of his wife, he slowly recovers some of these abilities, enough so that he can again write and communicate verbally. You must accept this couple for what they...more

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Dec 03, 2012 Anna rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-autobiographical-or-biograph

Diane Ackerman is at her best in this painful and wondrous tale of her husband's stroke, aphasia, and the cascading life changes that ensue. Her love, her determination, patience and their mutual love of words and word play, along with some luck see them both through to an incredible outcome of massive recovery, in spite of major damage to a number of key areas of his brain. An enlightening must for anyone who has been/is a caregiver for a frail elder or someone with cognitive impairment.
Favorit...more Diane Ackerman is at her best in this painful and wondrous tale of her husband's stroke, aphasia, and the cascading life changes that ensue. Her love, her determination, patience and their mutual love of words and word play, along with some luck see them both through to an incredible outcome of massive recovery, in spite of major damage to a number of key areas of his brain. An enlightening must for anyone who has been/is a caregiver for a frail elder or someone with cognitive impairment.
Favorite quotations: She turns to C.S.Lweis's A Grief Observed and notices that "And yet, his experience, despite his referring to it as 'mad midnight moments,' didn't lead to madness. His was a mind that could cushion itself when faced with trauma, without becoming callous, neglectful, or numb to soften the pain.Despite not knowing if what he felt from moment to moment would pass or last forever, he entered fully into his shifting states of violent rage, self-pity, longing, heartbreak, cynicism, without losing hte ability to think about what was happening to him. That took courage, I thought, living with the suffering in a mindful way, as an artifact of being, neither good nor bad."(p.89) on words-- pp 149-150; about how a friend can help pp 152, 153; (listening, being present); and the challenge of meeting someone who cannot express themselves the way they used to, in her case a stroke, in mine cognitive impairment: "Amid all the nonsensical verbal puzzles, living with Paul at times feels like living with a koan, one of those paradoxical dialogues inaccessible to reason, that are taught by Buddhist sages as psychic knots for meditation. Even to begin to interpret a koan one has to shed the cords of logic, bend language, dismiss conceptual ways of thinking , and give oneself over to intuition." p.300 My experience of dealing with Alzheimer's is distinct, but has in common that sense of entering a different dimension of reality-- one where the loved one's feelings are the only true north, as with a very young child. You just stay with those feelings and let go of all your rational ideas of how things should go, and instead, play, creatively together and by letting go, find the essence of the person, still there.(less)

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Nov 18, 2012 Shonna Froebel rated it 5 of 5 stars

I admit that I've taken my time over this book for a couple of reasons. First the writing is so good (as Ackerman always is) that I wanted to take my time and really savour it. Second, the ideas she presents are so provoking that I want to take the time to think about them and how I feel about them.
The book is told over time beginning with Ackerman's Paul West (who is also an author that I haven't yet read, but am now intrigued to) having a massive stroke that resulted in global aphasia. That me...more

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Oct 30, 2012 Diane rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book and I generally love anything written by Diane Ackerman.

When Ackerman's husband, writer Paul West, suffers a stroke in 2003 he is left with global aphasia. He is unable to speak or to comprehend words spoken to him and, in the early days, was able to repeat only one syllable, "mem, mem, mem." Words, writing and reading were at the core of their lives and their marriage. It was how they made their living and more importantly, word play was a large part of the expression of their...more I loved this book and I generally love anything written by Diane Ackerman.

When Ackerman's husband, writer Paul West, suffers a stroke in 2003 he is left with global aphasia. He is unable to speak or to comprehend words spoken to him and, in the early days, was able to repeat only one syllable, "mem, mem, mem." Words, writing and reading were at the core of their lives and their marriage. It was how they made their living and more importantly, word play was a large part of the expression of their love. The book is about the four years of West's rehabilitation and is a testament to the healing powers of love. As West's brain begins the slow process of healing he is able to say a few words but they tend to be odd or arcane. He fumbles for the precise word and his brain spits out what appears to be a "nonsense word" to his speech therapists. When shown a picture of angels he stutters, "cherubim." Technically correct but unknown to the therapist. He uses the little known word "eldritch" to express feelings of strangeness.

When a doctor looks at West's brain scan he says West should be in a vegetative state and Ackerman assures him it is far from true.
When traditional speech therapy fails him, Ackerman finds her own ways to tap into West's creativity as she understands him better than anyone else. When a friend asks West if he has a pet name for his wife his face falls "as if touched by a taser...'used to have... hundreds,' he said with infinite sadness. 'Now I can't think of one.'" Ackerman coaxes him to create new pet names as a form of therapy and after some fits and starts he does. (My favorite? "My Remains of the Day, My Residue of Night.") Ackerman lists the one hundred names in the back of her book and she notes, ".... all a testament to how a brain can repair itself, and how a duet between two lovers can endure hardship... a bell with a crack in it may not ring as clearly, but it can ring as sweetly."

Some reviewers have complained that Ackerman pats herself on the back throughout the book. I disagree. She sees her flaws and her impatience and her sadness. She has a lovely quote, "It was arduous for me not to feel impatient and resentful at times in the role of teacher, attendent, nurse and CAREGIVER. That word should weigh more than others on a page, sag it down a bit and wrinkle it, because the simple-sounding job frazzles as it consumes and depletes."

This was a very intimate view of a marriage and of an illness.(less)

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Oct 24, 2012 Ilona rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2012, health, non-fiction

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. A fascinating story of one man's recovery from a devastating stroke, and the changed, but still full, life he lived thereafter, told through the eyes of his wife. In fact, there are two stories here, one the surface story (recovery from stroke) and the under-story, the relationship between husband and wife.

While the first story is miraculous and inspirational, the second is disturbing, and, ultimately, gripped me more than the first. The wife, Diane, claims (and apparently believes) that she has...more A fascinating story of one man's recovery from a devastating stroke, and the changed, but still full, life he lived thereafter, told through the eyes of his wife. In fact, there are two stories here, one the surface story (recovery from stroke) and the under-story, the relationship between husband and wife.

While the first story is miraculous and inspirational, the second is disturbing, and, ultimately, gripped me more than the first. The wife, Diane, claims (and apparently believes) that she has a close, nurturing and loving marriage to a wonderful, quirky, creative man. I started out quite willing to share that assumption. I wasn't far into the book when I decided that the husband (Paul) probably wasn't a very nice man, but, still, I reasoned, that didn't mean she couldn't be happy with him, and that he couldn't be loving and nurturing with her, no matter how difficult he might be with others.

A little bit further, and I decided that they'd probably be hard to take as a couple, smug and self-satisfied in their superiority. Their wordplay, though undeniably clever, was too often precious and over-wrought, though I suppose that as long as they didn't burst out with "my precious snugglebunny" in company, their intelligence and wealth of quirky knowledge would make conversation with them interesting and entertaining. But still, I was beginning to find Paul-and-Diane a bit tedious.

And then I came to this paragraph, a few chapters from the end:

Something I found especially odd, but also merciful, was that Paul's temperament had sweetened since the stroke. No longer dealing with the frustration of teaching of publishing, he wasn't waking up in a high blood pressure rage, or barely containing a volatile anger. When we met, he'd been a charming alcoholic with a violent temper.... I'd grown used to never knowing when Paul would explode... But he wasn't always combustible; most times he was quintessentially loving, a real sweetheart. The lurking land mine was part of a pattern: his unpredictable explosions, my fright and crying, our coming apart, his regret and promises, my forgiveness, our reunion. For year of our marriage, I'd walked on eggshells around him, because it took so little to trigger what he described as his "Irish temper".

So much for the doting, uxorious lover she'd pretended, to herself and to the reader, that he was. That pattern she cites is textbook abuse. Perhaps he never actually hit her, but if you have to "walk on eggshells" -- for years, no less -- you are in an abusive relationship. Much as she might like to believe it, he was no "real sweetheart".

An interesting book, not only for the information it gives on the miracle of the human brain and its incredible physical resilience, but also for the unintended display of the levels of self-protective reality-denying of which the human psyche is capable.(less)

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Oct 06, 2012 Craig Dube rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

I'm a bit torn on my review of this book. On one hand, I found the author to be a very talented writer. Her choice of words and phrasing was unique and creative. At time abstract, I think she had some very descriptive ways of thinking of things.

I also found the subject matter very interesting. This book is really an account of dealing with her husband after he suffers a serious stroke that impairs him both physically and mentally (or more precisely verbally). Both the author and her husband are...more

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Sep 19, 2012 Diane Yannick rated it 4 of 5 stars

Lucky for us, the author was already a poet, essayist, novelist and naturalist before her husband suffered a debilitating stroke. Thus she could capture the nuances of rebuilding a life for both of them. Paul West, her husband, was also a writer and researcher. Never had I encountered a relationship so word centered---humorous, intellectual word play, esoteric research, creative juxtaposition of poetic elements, a myriad of personal endearments. When his language was severely compromised, he fou...more Lucky for us, the author was already a poet, essayist, novelist and naturalist before her husband suffered a debilitating stroke. Thus she could capture the nuances of rebuilding a life for both of them. Paul West, her husband, was also a writer and researcher. Never had I encountered a relationship so word centered---humorous, intellectual word play, esoteric research, creative juxtaposition of poetic elements, a myriad of personal endearments. When his language was severely compromised, he fought hard to communicate and navigate his new world.. Plowing through his many frustrations by his side,Diane carefully studies and records Paul's progress as an aphasic. (It is here where the story sometimes bogged down for me as her fascination with his use of unlikely word combinations and his word retrieval process was analyzed in great detail.) You also gain insights into the toll constant caregiving takes on the younger, healthier spouse.

Many passages made me stop and think about the inner workings of the brain in its quest to make sense of the world. Expressing himself creatively was essential to Paul's will to live. Finding his sense of humor and finding a routine he could count on also helped him to heal. Since suffering a mild brain injury, I know just a little about how frustrating and exhausting it is to search for the right words and compensate for memory lapses.

A few take aways for me:

"A bell with a crack in it may not ring as clearly, but it can ring as sweetly."

"Couples are jigsaw puzzles that hang ogether by touching in just enough points."

"Typically prescribed for depression, one of Zoloft's seldom-mentioned benefits is that it spurs the growth of new brain cell connections in the hippocampus, a rich site for processing memories, including the memory of words learned."

"There is a way of be holding nature which is a form of prayer, a way of minding something with such clarity and aliveness that the rest of the world recedes. It quiets the bitter almonds of the limbic system, and gives the brain a small vacation"

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Sep 06, 2012 Lorraine rated it 4 of 5 stars

Diane Ackerman has written a outstanding memoir about her husband's massive stroke in 2006. Paul West was the author of 40 novels and a professor and after the stroke he lost his ability to speak and his ability to understand speech (global aphasia). He also lost his right visual field, had paralyzed right hand, and lost much of his ability to walk. The beauty of the book is that is incorporates a love story with a clear scientific explanation of what her husband was going through. Her use of wo...more

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Feb 19, 2012 Lorie rated it 4 of 5 stars

Currently reading. Am enjoying it despite the overall subject of stroke in a 75-year-old man and his wife's relationship with him and their relationship with words over time.

Apparently they are both professors and writers. The writing is dense with quirky phrases, which makes it fun to read, but it also demands full attention -- which is a kinder way to say that listening at work kind of gave me a headache. Of course, probably only a college professor could have recognized the book potential in...more

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Sep 12, 2011 Nancy rated it 3 of 5 stars

If I had been in the middle of a crisis with a loved one suffering a stroke, I might have found this book very worthwhile, because if would have offered encouragement and talked about one couple's experience of a devastating stroke in the husband. It even offered information about methods of helping people recover from strokes that might have been helpful to me and/or the stroke victim's doctors.

As a piece of writing, I found this book a mess. I was bothered by the author's frequent use of meta...more If I had been in the middle of a crisis with a loved one suffering a stroke, I might have found this book very worthwhile, because if would have offered encouragement and talked about one couple's experience of a devastating stroke in the husband. It even offered information about methods of helping people recover from strokes that might have been helpful to me and/or the stroke victim's doctors.

As a piece of writing, I found this book a mess. I was bothered by the author's frequent use of metaphors and similes that seemed out of place. For example, she talked of walking down the hospital corridor in a state of crisis while waiting for results of tests on her husband. In her description of the corridor, not as a statement of what she was thinking at the time, she described the physics of the fluorescent lamps that lit the corridor, using a metaphor. I wondered at times if she repeatedly did such things because she wanted to be recognized as someone who understood science and/or was a poet rather than because it served a purpose in the story. She also repeated many stories or ideas. I got very tired of hearing how wonderful her relationship with her husband was before the stroke. Again, I felt her need to impress the reader.

That all said, I didn't stop reading the book. The story kept me engaged: How far would her husband come in his recovery? How was her life impacted in the long run? How did she manage? The information about stroke recovery and possible medical treatments that she suggested seemed important. Her example of suggesting ideas to her husband's doctors based on her research may encourage others to do research and be assertive with the medical establishment. Her observations about how poor standard treatments of post-stroke aphasia can be, may empower others to try to develop techniques based on decades of knowing the stroke victim and keyed to the victim's interests and needs.

If it were possible in this system, I would probably have given the book a 2+. I don't particularly recommend it unless you are dealing with a partner's stroke.

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Jun 05, 2011 Charlene rated it 5 of 5 stars

Diane Ackerman writes beautifully -- I've read many of her books and enjoyed them, particularly A Natural History of the Senses and Cultivating Delight. But this book is special to me personally . . .my school teacher mother, at age 85, had a devastating left brain stroke that seems very similar to the one suffered by Ackerman's husband, novelist and former professor of literature, Paul West. How I wish this book had existed when I was attempting to help my mother with her loss of language. Paul...more

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May 30, 2011 Shirley Brosius rated it 5 of 5 stars

If you enjoy words and language, this is the book for you. Written by the wife of a man, an intellectual professor and novelist, who suffered a stroke, it tells the tale of his voyage to the depth of confusion—and a good bit of the way back. But it’s far more than a chronicle of the loss of health. The author shows the playful relationship, built on pet names and word plays, that the two enjoyed, and how, to their delight, they regained much of it. “A bell with a crack in it may not ring as clea...more

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Jan 29, 2012 Ruth rated it 4 of 5 stars

Diane's husband Paul suffered major left hemisphere damage from a stroke and this is her story of his recovery. He doesn't get back to 100% but without her clever wordplay interactions and stimuli he wouldn't be back writing books. It reminded me of Gaggy Giffords' challenges. In this case a man of words and writing was left only able to say one syllable repeatedly. He found the simple speech therapy hard, demeaning, and boring. The therapist didn't even recognize the complex words he was speaki...more

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Jul 26, 2012 Audra rated it 4 of 5 stars

One Hundred Names for Love Diane Ackerman 2011 (she also wrote The Zookeeper’s Wife)
A vivid and gripping account of her husband’s major stroke and her experience as caregiver. Sometimes hard to read because it’s so real, so scary (for them, and for me too: is it some version of my future?), so sad. Yes, it's about love, and no easy meaning of the word. But don’t get me wrong, I’m recommending it to friends and bookgroup. Like Still Alice, it’s a book I’m glad to have read and will remember for a...more

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Jul 13, 2011 Lianne rated it 4 of 5 stars

The subtitle of this memoir is "A Stroke, A Marriage, and the Language of Healing." Diane Ackerman, who is a writer mostly of creative non-fiction is married to Paul West, also a prolific writer. When Paul suffers a stroke, Ackerman is confronted by how much their shared fascination with language has been the major channel of communication between her and her husband. When he loses speech, it is not only frightening but heartrending. Nonetheless, they embark on a new stage of their lives as he r...more

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Oct 28, 2011 Carol rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Recommended to Carol by: book group, NPR

Shelves: memoir-biography

One Hundred Names for Love ~ Diane Ackerman, at it's heart is a love story. Though this was a book group selection, I had the book on my list after reading a review. The premise of using fun, loving names to help stimulate memory of a stroke victim intrigued me. I had thought that Diane used the names in speaking to her husband, Paul West, but the reverse was true. Diane challenged her husband to come up with a new, loving name for her each day. He had often used these names of endearment prior...more One Hundred Names for Love ~ Diane Ackerman, at it's heart is a love story. Though this was a book group selection, I had the book on my list after reading a review. The premise of using fun, loving names to help stimulate memory of a stroke victim intrigued me. I had thought that Diane used the names in speaking to her husband, Paul West, but the reverse was true. Diane challenged her husband to come up with a new, loving name for her each day. He had often used these names of endearment prior to his stroke so it seemed like a good way to spark his brain and encourage communication between them.

But I get ahead of myself. Paul West, in his mid-seventies suffered a severe stroke which left him aphasic. A man, whose life was filled with words and writing, this seemed an especially cruel fate. Diane, younger by eighteen years, is determined to help her husband regain his voice. Her story outlines their journey together to regain "Paul's voice".

This is almost like reading a journal as Diane documents daily happenings, frustrations, disappointments and triumphs through the five years the book covers. We learn how they met, he was her college professor, and much about their lives together, their dependence on the other, their love of language and the part it plays in their strong bond. Paul is a bit of an eccentric to say the least and these little human stories are what kept the book from dragging me down.

Some in my book group found the book depressing. I was not depressed. Don't get me wrong, I do fear how inevitable aging might throw my husband and I a curve. I worry if I could step up to the plate and
meet the challenges of caregiver as Diane had to do. Some in my book group felt Paul was able to make the progress he did due to their financial ability to hire aides who worked with him daily and gave Diane respite, allowing her to continue her own life. Though I think they were fortunate to have the means, I still think much of Paul's eventual recovery was due to determination on both their parts.

This is an inspirational book for caregivers, offering hope; a book for word lovers, a book for lovers. I found it fascinating, for its examination of the workings of the brain and the resiliency of the human spirit. I recommend it highly. (less)

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Jun 24, 2011 Lynn Pribus rated it 5 of 5 stars

A remarkable book -- literate and candid and loving. Her husband Paul, older by almost 20 years, suffers a devastating stroke that leaves him aphasic, able to utter only the syllable mem mem mem.

Both were authors of a number of books at the time, in different fields. (She is the author of THE ZOOKEEPER'S WIFE and others.) Childless, she calls themselves wordsmiths. Words and language are central to their lives at both professional and personal levels. They had rejoiced in all sorts of word games...more

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Jun 02, 2011 Karen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir, science, psychology, aging

A celebration of language, artists and love! A detailed account of the loss, grief and then restructuring of two complexly intertwined lives.

Ackerman builds an ornate bridge between the humanities and the applied sciences when she describes the struggles that she and her husband faced in the wake of his stroke. Paul lost his ability to speak (aphasia), except for the single nonsense phrase "mem." Ackerman uses her gifts as naturalist and poet to describe in rich, lyrical detail the effects this...more

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Aug 30, 2011 Holly rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: 2011-reads

Ackerman fascinatingly depicts how her own brain is working in the aftermath of her husband's stroke: I'd already noticed how my own voice had changed: losing some of its sharp peaks and bounce, and gaining firm new ridges. My phrases were smaller, slower; my rhythms thick and clumsy, not light and dancing. I now seemed to quarry words, one by one, presenting them like bright bits of jasper -- not slurred in a wash of flurried adjectives -- when I spoke to Paul.[p89-90] This masquerade [of being...more Ackerman fascinatingly depicts how her own brain is working in the aftermath of her husband's stroke: I'd already noticed how my own voice had changed: losing some of its sharp peaks and bounce, and gaining firm new ridges. My phrases were smaller, slower; my rhythms thick and clumsy, not light and dancing. I now seemed to quarry words, one by one, presenting them like bright bits of jasper -- not slurred in a wash of flurried adjectives -- when I spoke to Paul.[p89-90] This masquerade [of being hopeful, positive, supportive when with Paul] meant splitting my personas between hospital and home, leaving despair outside his room and sharing it only with friends and doctors. Yet I found myself shutting down and drifting on autopilot, losing resiliency in my voice and animation from my face, as my brain tried to spare me unbearable pain by making it less thinkable. [...as a caregiver ...] one needs to become the mental equivalent of aerodynamic, create as little drag as possible and strip down to essentials. [p111]

Their relationship, while extremely intimate, isn't really something I wish for myself: their way of talking to each other in private, sappy endearments is how I speak to pets. But I didn't feel that Diane Ackerman was suggesting it for her readers, anyway. And Paul West sounded like a difficult person to live with before the stroke: waking up with a high blood pressure rage, or barely containing a volatile fury ... a charming alcoholic with a violent temper ... his unpredictable explosions, my fright and crying ... for years of their marriage she'd walked on eggshells around him. [p212]. I think this sounds awful. (Will not live that way again.)

Knowing that a loved one's reveries enfold you can feel reassuring. Even if they're not thinking about you at a particular moment, you still exist in their mind. [p222] This idea made me think of my mother's death.

Laughed when Ackerman nonchalantly remarked that Paul began to place some essays and fiction he'd written since the stroke in Harper's, The American Scholar, Conjunctions, The Yale Review, and a few other literary magazines.

These two paragraphs near the end of the book were quite lovely (the first from the end of the narrative-proper, then second from the end of the postscript) -- although as I just typed them I realized they are somewhat repetitive, redundant; overwritten but still rather nice. Regarding life's unexpected changes and phases: Be fully awake for it, I tell myself, pay attention to all of its feeling and sensations, because this is simply another facet of being alive, of life on earth, and then there will be another era when Paul will be gone and you won't have these responsibilities and worries. ....When Paul is gone, the trees and sky will still be beautiful, I will still be poignantly aware of life's transience, and how lucky I am to be alive on this planet in space. It's all part of the adventure. I will still cherish being alive, even though I will miss him fiercely. [p302] Mind you, life will never be what it feels like at this moment either, because it's a whirligig flux all day long, as trillions of sensations bombard the brain, millions of ideas and feelings haunt the corridors of the mind. Less like a single tapestry, and more like spindrift spray blown by impetuous winds along the surface of the sea. All of those dramas adhere to the self, a quixotic animal that never stops revising and reimagining who it is, while changing second by second, as new sensations winkle in, new events challenge, new thoughts and feelings well up. Our lives together, our duet, also continues to evolve, and even if we can't go back to how it was, we're designed a good life for us, in spite of everything. [p310](less)

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Jun 07, 2012 Nancy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Poignant and enlightening, this true story makes me want to honor my relationship with my dear husband even more, while we both have our faculties. Ackerman explores in some depth how the brain functions in regard to language and even everyday activities in the context of her longtime close marriage with writer Paul West after West has a stroke. Learning about the brain is always of great interest to me, and this book does a good job satisfying that. BTW, the one hundred names for love are the o...more

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Aug 01, 2012 Susie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Hester Buell Carr always brings a book I enjoy and this years book for the Ladies Summer Reading Tea (hosted as always by Debby Schauffler) was no exception. A love story, the journey of life after a stroke. Diane and her husband are both brilliant individuals and amazing wordsmiths - they discover that the simple words for table and ordinary things did not come - but more complex words, words that the therapists didn't know and thought were nonsense would. The message - not all stroke survivors...more

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May 09, 2011 Melanie rated it 5 of 5 stars

This is a stunning account of how Diane Ackerman and her husband, novelist Paul West, dealt with the devastating stroke that left him aphasic. For two people who had loved, lived, breathed, snacked, and feasted on words in their long marriage, aphasia was the worst possible condition that could befall a person. With love, patience, imagination, more patience, and sheer faith in the human brain's ability to continue to forge new connections way beyond what current medicine believes, they overcame...more

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May 04, 2011 Susan rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: non-fiction

When a neurologist looked at a brain scan of Diane Ackerman's husband, years after he suffered a stroke, the doctor opined that he must be in a vegetative state. But this is the story of how Paul West, a novelist and writer, was able to recover much of his ability to write and speak, so that he continues to write and publish, and how his improvement continues 5 years afterward although he continues to have some aphasia and other problems resulting from the stroke. It is also the story of how his...more

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Oct 19, 2011 Natalie rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: memoir-essay

One of the best books I read in summer 2011. Recommend to those who are interested in neurology as well as to those who love writing and words. Part memoir of Ackerman's writerly, intellectual, beautifully quirky marriage, part an account of her husband's stroke and recovery. Inspiring in her commitment to working with whatever language he could manage -- and her recognition that typical rehab exercises and verbal tests might not be so appropriate to poets or novelists used to enjoying surrealis...more

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Apr 17, 2011 Deirdre Keating rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: book-club-reads, nonfiction

Beth's pick. A rare hardcover purchase on my part, ie: High Expectations.

ETA: the comment above probably says it all. I enjoyed it, because I'm fascinated by language and the act of communication. Ackermann touched on many subjects dear to me, especially how to mourn the loss of who someone once was, even when that someone is still alive. Loved her revelations about the limitations of impersonal speech therapy, finding a balance that worked for her between self-care and being a caregivers, and e...more

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Jul 14, 2011 Kate rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: science, engaging-nonfiction

As usual, Diane Ackerman just enthralls me. This book happens to be about her 70-somethings husband's severe stroke, that left him at first able to only utter one syllable, "mem." It is also about the brain, stokes, advances in speech therapy, the amazing capacity of the human mind and spirit, and most of all a very loving portrait of a marriage. Forget "One Day" and similar ilk with unlikeable, drug taking 20 somethings who know nothing about true love. The love between Diane and Paul has grown...more

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Oct 02, 2012 Marianna Monaco rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: auto-biography, non-fiction, useful-in-life

Recommended reading for those who love language, and for those who would benefit from a wider perspective on the inner life of those who have suffered a stroke.

What touches me most is the word-play relationship of Diane and her husband Paul West.
The staggering heights and depths of Paul West's vocabulary have led me to want to read his books.

One memorable tangent in the book is the contract Diane Ackerman proposes to care-giver Liz:
the package includes a raise, as many weeks off as she wants pre...more

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About Diane Ackerman

Diane Ackerman received her B.A. in English from Penn State and an M.F.A. and Ph.D. in English from Cornell University in 1978. Her dissertation advisor was Carl Sagan. From 1980 to 1983 she taught English at the University of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She has been married to novelist Paul West since 1970. She currently resides in Ithaca, New York. A collection of her manuscripts, writings and pap...more

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“And yet, words are the passkeys to our souls. Without them, we can't really share the enormity of our lives.” — 9 people liked it

“So much in a relationship changes when a partner is seriously ill, helpless yet blameless, and indefatigably needy. I felt old. [p. 99]

The animal part of him in pain accepted my caring. But the part of himself watching himself in that pain didn't believe I could ever respect him again. None of this crossed my mind. I couldn't risk knowing it. No one could and continue caregiving. They'd feel so unappreciated and wronged that it would drive them away. [p. 100]” — 5 people liked it

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One Hundred Names for Love: A Stroke, a Marriage, and the Language of Healing

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