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A Year In The Merde (Paul West #1)

3.5 of 5 stars 3.50 · rating details · 6,457 ratings · 737 reviews

Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job - and finds out what the French are really like.

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They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don't wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike really is the second national participation sport after p�tanque. And, yes, they do use suppositories.

In his first novel, S...more

Paperback, 383 pages

Published April 1st 2005 by Black Swan (first published 2004)

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Feb 25, 2008 Christine rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: misogynists who also hate France

This started off so promisingly with snarky but charming British banter about France's little annoying idiosyncrasies that anyone who has spent any time in France can appreciate. The main character, a British twenty-something, chronicles his year living in France while working for a corrupt corporate sleaze bag who wants help marketing tea rooms in Paris. It turns out that the main character is also a sleaze bag AND a "whinge cow" as he so aptly dubs whiners. By the month of February I was so si...more

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May 06, 2008 Sarah rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: francophones

Shelves: fiction, travel

I couldn't help myself; this book absolutely cracked me up. That may be because the author's descriptions of countless strikes by trash collectors, public transportation workers, police officers, and journalists brought back fond memories of my own stay in France--during which I also stepped in a fair amount of merde. The audiobook was particularly good, with the dramatist's illustraions of the countless miscommunications between francophones and anglophones. The story line is about Paul West, a...more

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Apr 29, 2008 Ben rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is highly readable, the kind of thing that one could read from start to finish if one just had a few hours with nothing to do. However, this is the most positive thing I can say about this book. It's supposed be one of those screwball accounts of someone living in a foreign culture and the wacky mishaps he experiences, but mostly it's about a relatively uninteresting Englishman who tries much too hard at being funny, and who simply didn't bother to find out anything at all about how Fr...more

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Jul 27, 2008 Brian rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: francophiles, francophobes and everything inbetween.

Shelves: own

I picked this up in the train station at Charles de Gaulle airport a few minutes before my flight was cancelled and I was forced to spend another day in Paris, almost a year ago. Tough life, right?

I never read it, though.

Don't know why, but last week I felt an urge to pick it up. Read it in about 26 hours, couldn't put it down.

If you have no knowledge of the French, France, or French it might not be terribly interesting. If, however, you've spent a significant portion of your life dealing with,...more

6 likes · like · see review

Jan 23, 2013 Luboš rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Takový francouzský Švejk. Kratší, zábavnější a vyjadřující se k dnešku. Tak jako u Švejka se vám hodí elementární znalost němčiny, užijete si četbu této knihy víc, pokud jste pochytili základy francouzštiny. Příběh je založen na konflikním britsko-francouzském vztahu. Pařížané, podle této informace, jenom jedí, stávkují a flirtují. Okořeněno sexuálními scénkami. Konec je poněkud slabší.
Docela by mě zajímalo, kolik z toho je autentický zážitek a kolik fabulace.

------citace--------
"My Tea Is Rich...more Takový francouzský Švejk. Kratší, zábavnější a vyjadřující se k dnešku. Tak jako u Švejka se vám hodí elementární znalost němčiny, užijete si četbu této knihy víc, pokud jste pochytili základy francouzštiny. Příběh je založen na konflikním britsko-francouzském vztahu. Pařížané, podle této informace, jenom jedí, stávkují a flirtují. Okořeněno sexuálními scénkami. Konec je poněkud slabší.
Docela by mě zajímalo, kolik z toho je autentický zážitek a kolik fabulace.

------citace--------
"My Tea Is Rich? Jako firemní značka pro řetězec čajoven? Ale to žádný název není," troufl jsem si kritizovat. "Vždyť to ani nic neznamená!"
"Hmf." Bernard sice v angličtině plave, ale jak je vidět, v jednoslabičných projevech exceluje. "Maj tý iz rýš je legrašný násef. Engliský úmor."
"Anglický humor? Ale my nic podobného neříkáme."
"Úhm." Teď zas podporu u Jeana-Marieho hledal pohledem Bernard.
"Samozřejmě že tea je tam místo tailor," vysvětlil Jean-Marie.
"Co to?" Připadal jsem si jako v surrealistickém filmu. V nejbližší chvíli k nám oknem přiletí Salvador Dalí a z poklopce mu bude trčet bageta.

Rok nezačíná v lednu. To ví každý Francouz i Francouzka. Že rok začíná lednem, to si myslí jen přihlouplí lidé, kteří mluví anglicky. Ve skutečnosti rok začíná v první zářijové pondělí. Tehdy se totiž Pařížané vracejí do kanceláří po měsíc dlouhé dovolené, takže mohou začít přemýšlet, kam pojedou o volnu v listopadu. V tuhle dobu se taky dává do pohybu každý francouzský projekt, od nového účesu až po novou jadernou elektrárnu. A proto i já jsem v devět ráno v první zářijové pondělí stál sto metrů od Champs-Élysées a díval jsem se, jak se lidi líbají.

"Parle français," řekl a doplnil to krátkým odfrknutím, které podle všeho místním, neuillyském slangu znamenalo "ty nablblej Angláne".

Jean-Marie se zasmál. "Ty jsi zábavní. Pracovník je trochu pomalejší, ty ho vyhodíš. Tady to tak není. Zavolali by inspecteur de travail, inspektora z úřadu práce, stěžovali by si a nakonec bys platil odškodné neby by odbory uspořádaly stávku a nastalo by merde généralle..."

Jak všichni dobře víme, Grancouzi milují hlemýždě. Escargots. Jedním z jejich oblíbených způsobů, jak si je přichystat, je hodit je na rošt - živé. Než se hlemýždi vaří, zasypou se solí, což je, jako kdybyste někoho potopili do kyseliny, a jak se snaží chránit, zbaví se veškerého slizu. V zásadě lidé přimějí toho tvorečka, aby se s odpuštěním zesral, takže se jeho vnitřnosti zbaví všech nečistot. Dokonce ani Francouzi nejedí hlemýždí sračky.

Jak jen Francouzky dokážou odmítat milostn návrhy, a přitom dál flirtovat? Propána, dokážou být sexy, i když vás posílají kamsi.

Tady nemají telefonní výpisy rozepsané dopodrobna, ale uvádějí z volaných čísel jen prvních několik číslic - je to na ochranu ženatých nevěrníků, kteří si nedali pozor a volali milenkám a milencům z domova. Nekecám.(less)

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Jan 21, 2013 Merel rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: cathy

Shelves: novel, comical

A YEAR IN THE MERDE is the almost-true account of the author’s adventures as an expat in Paris. Based loosely on his own experiences and with names changed to “avoid embarrassment, possible legal action and to prevent the author’s legs being broken by someone in a Yves Saint Laurent suit (or quite possibly, a Christian Dior skirt), ” A YEAR IN THE MERDE is the story of a Paul West, a 27-year-old Brit who is brought to Paris by a French company to open a chain of British “tea rooms.” He soon beco...more

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Nov 18, 2012 Jana rated it 2 of 5 stars

A Year in the Merde

I had high hopes for entertainment when I got this book, even though the colleague who lent it to me warned me that it might be a bit shallow. I like good-natured fun between European nationalities and there was, at times, just the right amount of facetiousness and snarky remarks to make me giggle, but the passages that had me roll my eyes in annoyance outweighed that by far. Our protagonist, Paul West, is such a bit too much enamoured with himself for my tastes. Yes, he does...more A Year in the Merde

I had high hopes for entertainment when I got this book, even though the colleague who lent it to me warned me that it might be a bit shallow. I like good-natured fun between European nationalities and there was, at times, just the right amount of facetiousness and snarky remarks to make me giggle, but the passages that had me roll my eyes in annoyance outweighed that by far. Our protagonist, Paul West, is such a bit too much enamoured with himself for my tastes. Yes, he does make fun of himself from time to time, but mostly in relation to his propensity to step into dog excrement, which the streets of Paris are apparently covered in, and his difficulties in ordering beverages like the locals.
Even when he was recounting his mishaps in France, I couldn’t shake the feeling that these were indeed thinly veiled snide remarks to ascertain his superiority.
A great chunk of the book is devoted to his sexual exploits. Obviously, Paul is God’s gift to womankind and Parisian women are one and all floozies in any event. Granted, strong, independent, and confident floozies, but floozies any way.

Well, it was funny to try and decipher what his weird transcriptions of the French accent were supposed to entail. I admit to having snickered a few times when the meaning finally hit home. Then again, our protagonist is an Englishman in Paris. He’s scheduled to remain there for a year, not a brief holiday stint. He doesn’t speak French, or at least not well enough to make himself understood. His failure to communicate in French is more often than not attributed to the Frenchmen’s malice. But mostly everyone is kind enough to speak English for his benefit, only to be completely ridiculed for their efforts – just because Paul cannot adjust to a little bit of French pronunciation and intonation.

All in all, I didn’t have that much fun reading about the “adventures” of an arrogant jackass whose efforts to integrate himself into a welcoming community were supercilious at best. Paul West also does not fit my image of the typical Englishman who is witty, smart, dead-pan, but not an overly sexual being in my book. :)
(less)

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Oct 20, 2012 Erica Verrillo rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book was hilarious from cover to cover. But don't expect it to mind its manners. After the first few pages, you'll realize that you're spending a year in Paris with Monty Python. (After all, the prim and proper British are obviously in need of an outlet for all that blue-blooded repression. Going to France seems to do the trick, especially when they end up being hijacked by sexy French women intent on providing an "education.")

The premise is simple. Our hero, 27-year-old Paul West, is emplo...more

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Oct 15, 2012 Leah rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: nonfiction, travel-italia

I just finished reading Peter Mayle's A Year In Provence, and since this book said it was the anti-Mayle, I wanted to give myself a balanced perspective.

Basically Stephen Clarke ends up portraying himself as a self centered nymphomaniac who complains his way through Paris, managing to get on the bad side of his boss, all while looking for his next decent lay. Trust me, by the end of this book I was bored and pissed off. Clarke is an Englishman who moves to Paris to consult for a company with on...more

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Aug 06, 2012 D.M. Dutcher rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: travel

Apparently all there is in France is sex and screwing. You are either having sex, screwing someone, or being screwed.

Paul West is an Englishman brought over to France to help a beef company open up a chain of English-style tea houses. However, his life in France sucks-he's constantly stepping into dog poop, every two seconds some sector of the french economy goes on strike, he can't do anything at all in his job because his co-workers cost more to fire than to keep on and they slack incredibly,...more

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May 25, 2012 Book Concierge rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Audio book read by John Lee

This is a “true story” of one Brit’s experiences working for a French company in Paris in 2002-2003. Paul West is hired to open a chain of “typical” English tearooms in Paris. We quickly learn that he barely understands, let alone speaks French, he’s saddled with a team that isn’t at all enthusiastic about working on the project, and he can’t even seem to order a normal size cup of coffee. Still he manages to luck into a pretty good living situation – rooming with his...more

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Jul 25, 2011 Tori added it · review of another edition

2005- I picked up this book thinking it was a true story, I put it down still thinking maybe author Stephen Clarke had drawn on his own life a bit. Maybe it was the cover quote which tipped me off, reading ""There are lots of French people who are not at all hypocritical, inefficient, treacherous, in tolerant, adulterous or incredibly sexy....They just didn't make it into my book."" C'mon, that has to make you at least crack a grin. (Except maybe if you're French). The author's alter ego, Paul W...more

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Dec 13, 2010 Liz rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.

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Nov 01, 2010 Kat Kiddles rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Instead of buying a book for my husband, which was the only reason I went to the bookstore(!), I found myself handing this one over to the chipper cashier. You see, the book I intended to buy was out of stock but some evil genius ruthlessly positioned the travel section on my way out of the store. Need I say more?

Actually, I will. I’ve bought this book twice already! The first time was for someone who I was trying to entice into the world of globetrotting. In an effort to show her the possibilit...more

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Aug 28, 2010 K R N rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: france-french, narrative-nonfiction-or-close

I saw this book around a lot in Paris, but everyone said it was awful, so I didn't read it until just now when someone gave it to me to get rid of. I figured I'd just read a chapter or so to see what it was like first, and the writing is definitely bad. It got less-bad toward the end, almost like he got in the swing and didn't bother to revise the beginning (which read like emails home), but maybe I got used to it.

I enjoyed it anyway. He takes situations that are frustrating and humiliating when...more

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Jun 15, 2008 Joe rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book is one of the best friends I have met recently. One of those friends you need because only they really understand you.
It is really funny and an very accurate portrait of French goofiness. I don't know how funny it would be to most people, but being an expat living in Paris, it is tear inducing funny. Just when you think you are alone floating in the french sea, something like this comes along and makes you realize you aren't alone. I can't wait to read his other books.

6 likes · like · see review

Aug 12, 2007 Julia S rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: francophobics

Never been to France? Never plan to go?
If you want a truly insulting, xenophobic experience of "French Culture" then read this book. Otherwise, you could run into the middle of the Champs Elysées and scream in your most loud, incomprehensible, slang English, "I THINK THIS COUNTRY SUCKS BUT I'D PREFER TO BE HERE INSULTING THE MOST STEREOTYPICAL CLICHES AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS RATHER THAN BACK AT HOME WHERE EVERYTHING IS ORDINARY AND BORING."
If you like it better at home, then go home.

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Feb 05, 2013 Anna Steinbrecher rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I read this book about a month and a half into my trip to Paris which came as a breath of fresh air in between the guidebooks, intellectual culinary reviews, and all of the other literature that fell into the "rose-colored glasses" symptoms usually exhibited when describing Paris. Well okay... instead of saying it was a "breath of fresh air" it might be more along the lines of a "fresh burst of flatulence in a crowded elevator".
Let's get one thing straight about Clarke's writing abilities first...more

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May 24, 2012 Ron Arden rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

This book was a riot to read. Some of it is literally "laugh out loud" and other parts are more of the smirk and giggle. The hero or anti-hero of the story is Paul West (or Paul Vest as some of the French say). He is a 27 year old Brit who was hired by a French food company to create a string of English tea rooms.

It seems the French really do like all things British, including the English language, even though outwardly they complain about it all. Paul was hired by the CEO of the French company...more This book was a riot to read. Some of it is literally "laugh out loud" and other parts are more of the smirk and giggle. The hero or anti-hero of the story is Paul West (or Paul Vest as some of the French say). He is a 27 year old Brit who was hired by a French food company to create a string of English tea rooms.

It seems the French really do like all things British, including the English language, even though outwardly they complain about it all. Paul was hired by the CEO of the French company and immediately comes up against the French attitude (or at least the Parisian attitude) with everyone. He is the dirt under their feet and speed is never of the essence.

Paul comes across all the stereotypes of Parisians not really caring about anything, taking 2 hour lunches, striking for silly reasons, doing the shoulder shrug and undermining whatever they can if it interferes with leisure time. Paul is used to getting things done in work and in his personal life and this attitude takes a bit of getting used to. He eventually adapts to the French way of life.

As an example of the insanity, he meets his bosses family at dinner one evening. The bosses eldest daughter, a business school student, says that Paul can stay in her apartment, since he needs to find one and they are very expensive. Paul is a bit hesitant, but goes to the place. The daughter immediately beds him and seals the deal, so to speak. The father (boss) is fine with this. The daughter also has many other lovers and so Paul gets himself a girlfriend. That is on and off for awhile and he gets another one. Meanwhile he has a falling out with the bosses daughter and finds out the boss actually owns the apartment, except these apartments are supposed to be subsidized for students. If you are still following me, then pat yourself on the back.

Paul's project to create the English tea rooms is moving very slowly because his French team are a bunch of useless slackers who the boss won't fire. French law would make it more expensive to fire them then to reshuffle them to other projects. Alors!

The Irag war ensues and the tea room project is on hold. Paul's boss, Jean-Marie, suggests he take a long holiday. Then he decides to fire him, but Paul has an ace up his sleeve that he can use for blackmail. That apparently is the French way. It seems that Paul-Marie is doing some illegal and sleazy business and Paul has the evidence. Jean-Marie is also running for political office, so he makes a deal with Paul.

All's well that ends well for Paul as his merde life improves dramatically. He has a new and better girlfriend. One of his own lovers helps him with financing and the 3 of them go into business to, yes, you guessed it, create a string of English tea rooms. Ah Paris.(less)

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Sep 17, 2012 Lani rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: laundry-room

If you're into France and obnoxious unlikeable narrators, this is the book for you! I don't speak French and so struggled through some scenes, though these seemed to lessen as the narrator stayed in France. If this was meant as a device to keep me confused just like the narrator, then I suppose it's rather clever.

Otherwise the narrator is just annoying in his chase of French women and a cheap place to live. Somewhere in the middle he gets caught up in a confusing scheme that I never quite figure...more

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Sep 20, 2012 Celeste Rousselot rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: my-written-reviews

Once again Mariab has introduced me to a new international reading experience, this time the first volume of a partly fictional memoir by an Englishman hired to manage the start up of a chain of English tea rooms in Paris. Not only is the author/narrator comical, especially in his descriptions of French business policies, politics and people, he is ever on the prowl for the perfect French woman: apparently, there's no time that's not a good time for sex.

In a never ending rat race, the author rep...more

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Jun 07, 2012 Terri Garrett rated it 1 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: Someone in to snarky British men

Shelves: not-worth-finishing

This book inspired me to create a new bookshelf entitled: "not worth finishing". I RARELY start a book and don't finish it...and it was probably just my mind set of having several other books I preferred to read over this one...and the fact that this was a library book that I needed to return. Maybe if I were to give it another chance at some point I would feel differently.

Typically if I have a library book that is approaching the deadline, I will just sit down and bust through it. But, I just d...more

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Oct 31, 2010 Anna rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: 2010, bookcrossing

I finally read the book (after seeing it in Waterstones for years and years).
I liked the humor and the characters (on a way that on the same time I didn't like the same characters). A nice refreshing read between my usual detectives and thrillers.
Some of the things in the book happened very clearly in 2003, but that doesn't make it less enjoyable.

If you like this book, or Bill Bryson, try any Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book you'll run to.
Those are funny - and a perfect definition for the word "dick li...more

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Oct 24, 2011 Agatha rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Novel. If there is a genre called “chick lit,” then this one would probably be called “guy lit.” Main character is 30-something Brit Paul West who is head-hunted by a French businessman to help him start a chain of English tea shoppes in France. Once there, he faces the (as perceived by English and Americans) usual bureaucratic nonsense, the Gallic non-work ethnic of his colleagues, the comparatively overt sexuality of French women, and various other cultural foibles and misunderstandings (oh ye...more

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Oct 02, 2010 Shane rated it 5 of 5 stars · review of another edition

Shelves: own

As a French teacher, I adore anything French. While attending a university in central California, I was always asked, "Why are you a French major? Shouldn't you take Spanish?" Nothing against Spanish, but I was intrigued with French from the very beginning, mainly because it was uncommon and many people thought it was too hard to learn. Quite the opposite for me.

In this book, we follow Paul West, a young Brit businessman who is sent to Paris to open up some English tearooms. Paris isn't just kno...more

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Dec 07, 2009 Jules rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition Recommends it for: people who have visited Paris

Shelves: 2009, travel, fiction

I had been wanting to read this book for a good number of years. Firstly, due to a recommendation from a friend as just being a really funny book. And then when I visited Paris myself and my interest in the city grew. But then more recently when french friends (non-Parisians) started telling me that really, Paris isn't the romantic, classy city I make it out to be.

I'm glad I waited so long to read this book actually, because I feel like I have appreciated it a lot more than I would have, having...more

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Dec 15, 2012 Mikey B. rated it 4 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A whimsical book on a Brit living in Paris. There are three themes in this story. The satire of an Englishman adjusting to Parisian life with a country house thrown in, his amorous adventures with libidinous young women, and an intrigue of sordid business and political deals.

The first one – the satire worked well and kept me reading. There are equally amusing observations on French and British life. The other two areas – the amorous encounters and the intrigue were less successful and seemed the...more

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Aug 18, 2012 Susan rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

The first 1/4 to 1/3 of the book is extremely clever and will have anyone passingly familiar with the French in danger of laughing themselves into a hernia. Clarke nails the quirky French personality (the oh-so-expressive shrug; how their pronunciation of English makes it an unrecognizable language; the public servants' laissez-faire attitude). I howled in recognition when his character -- under duress -- speaks French by dropping all verbs. However, the dual plots -- that of a young British mal...more

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Dec 11, 2011 Nicole rated it 3 of 5 stars · review of another edition

A funny light read about a fictional British guy's life for a year in Paris after he is hired by this company to start up a series of tea shops. Along the way he has to contend with the idiosyncracies of actually working in the City of Lights, along with trying to fit into its social norms of sex and relationships. Its a light hearted quick read with many amusing anecdotes and doesn't succomb to the tendency of similar books where the author develops a sense of superiority over the culture in wh...more

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Jan 21, 2010 Laura rated it 2 of 5 stars · review of another edition

I started listening to this book sometime in November 2008 and didn't resume until a couple weeks ago when I didn't have another audio book to occupy me while working out. I remember thinking the first half was pretty funny, but didn't find the second half as amusing. If Stephen Clarke was telling you his tales of living and working in France, you would definitely say, "Haha--You should write a book!" He has some interesting and often amusing encounters, and a witty way of telling about them, bu...more

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“If they wanted their shit stirred, then stirred their shit was jolly well going to be.” — 49 people liked it

“I was also sick of my neighbors, as most Parisians are. I now knew every second of the morning routine of the family upstairs. At 7:00 am alarm goes off, boom, Madame gets out of bed, puts on her deep-sea divers’ boots, and stomps across my ceiling to megaphone the kids awake. The kids drop bags of cannonballs onto the floor, then, apparently dragging several sledgehammers each, stampede into the kitchen. They grab their chunks of baguette and go and sit in front of the TV, which is always showing a cartoon about people who do nothing but scream at each other and explode. Every minute, one of the kids cartwheels (while bouncing cannonballs) back into the kitchen for seconds, then returns (bringing with it a family of excitable kangaroos) to the TV. Meanwhile the toilet is flushed, on average, fifty times per drop of urine expelled. Finally, there is a ten-minute period of intensive yelling, and at 8:15 on the dot they all howl and crash their way out of the apartment to school.” (p.137)” — 12 people liked it

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