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Do Tampons Take Your Virginity? A Catholic Girl's Memoir

by
3.14  ·  Rating Details ·  381 Ratings  ·  37 Reviews
What happens when you grow up in an insane Catholic family? Surprisingly funny, this candid memoir shows readers the endurance it takes to survive in a stifling, abusive childhood. It's an emotional roller coaster from start to finish, fiercely honest and sincere. From the very beginning, the author grapples with hilarious, uncomfortable situations, punctuated by episodes ...more
Nook, 164 pages
Published September 21st 2010 by Deviant Troll Press
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(showing 1-30 of 735)
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Maria
Mar 05, 2011 Maria rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book in the Goodreads Giveaway program from the author.

As others have stated, this book was not what I expected. My only clue as to what this book was about was via the Goodreads blurb which gave the impression that it was a lighthearted look back at a Catholic girl’s life with statements like “...Surprisingly funny...”. “hilarious, uncomfortable situations”, “These stories will make you laugh out loud”.

To me, this book was not funny - it was brutal and raw
...more
Victoria
It said it was a comedy....Really, though, it was the sad story of an abused girl....
Kristina
Oct 17, 2010 Kristina rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Read the full review @ Frazzled Book Nommer.

From the very first page, Marie exudes brazen, blatant honesty. Do Tampons Take Your Virginity? starts off with an ass/face towel anecdote – I kid you not – and it only delves deeper from there. I applaud Marie for being audacious enough to publicly write about these stories. I’d personally be too afraid of who from my past would read the stories. Marie, however, exposes every raw moment of her childhood – from abuse, to rape, to sexual encounters. Thi
...more
Mysterium
The author Marie Simas was kind enough to send me a copy of her book. The title lead me to believe that this was a unique yet personal view of how one lived and survived under the dogma of the Roman Catholic Church. After a few exchanged emails, I stood corrected and was still intrigued by her story. As a former Roman Catholic, I am always curious to see and hear others' perspectives of their church and cultural experiences.

I read Marie's brilliant diary of her life with a heavy heart and more t
...more
Veronica Noechel
I have to agree with other reviewers who warned that this is one poorly titled book. It lures you in, thinking (in my case) that this will be a light, comical book about growing up female and the misconceptions we all had, a good cheer-me-up after that Auschwitz book I just read. Hell no. H-e-l-l n-o. While the stories are fast paced and not poorly written, they tell a disturbing story of culturally accepted child abuse. I felt for the girl in the stories, but ultimately was left wondering "why ...more
Murphy's Library
Nov 28, 2010 Murphy's Library rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
(from Murphy's Library - http://www.murphyslibrary.com/)

I didn’t know what I’d think of this book when I first saw the title and the cover, but I decided to give it a try because I’d read some positive reviews, but nothing much spoilerish. Let me tell you: even if this isn’t the genre of book I usually read, I had a really good time.

The memoirs go from sad to funny in a matter of a few pages, and you see yourself in little details. It’s a book with a lesson, even if it just shows up towards the
...more
Miss Bookiverse
„Do Tampons Take Your Virginity” klingt ja eher nach Mädchenaufklärungsbuch. Zusammen mit dem Untertitel „A Catholic Girl’s Memoir“ habe ich schon eher auf etwas Interessantes, möglicherweise Lustiges getippt. Die lobenden Zitate auf der Buchrückseite bestätigen das und haben mich auf „laugh out loud“ Momente vorbereitet. Von denen gab es nach den ersten 20 Seiten allerdings keinen einzigen. Vielmehr ist das Buch brutal und deprimierend. Die Autorin berichtet von einer an einem Hirntumor erkrank ...more
Debbie
Review copy courtesy of the author via Goodreads First Reads

I started reading it as soon as I got home and saw it in the mail, and finished it a little over two hours later. Overall, I really liked the book. It was quirky, a bit gut-wrenching, disturbing, and hopeful all at the same time. Why the 3 stars then? Because I can't get over the title. It's an interesting title, a unique title, a title that is sure to make someone do a double take. Unfortunately, it's also, in my opinion, a horrible ti
...more
Kristen
This book needs a Trigger Warning!! Talk of physical, verbal, psychological, emotional and sexual abuse.

"Do Tampons Take Your Virginity?: A Catholic Girl's Memoir", was not what I expected (and that seems to be the review consensus). I expected more humour then what was in the book but then maybe that is all in the eye of the reader as I can relate to having to find humour in dark places.

I thank Marie for being so open about her childhood experiences. She has taken an experience usually kept qui
...more
Issa
May 22, 2011 Issa rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: other-fiction
This book was not what I expected. A review I read talked about the humor and while there were some funny moments, this memoir was mostly about being raised in an abusive home. It was well written and often sad.
Lisa
Dec 29, 2010 Lisa rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I thought this book was going to be really funny, but it turns out to be really deep and interesting. Should be done today with it.
Liralen
The title and description suggest that this is heavy on the humour, but I found it to be much darker than I'd expected. Although Simas packs the book with light anecdotes, those anecdotes are also wrapped up in stories of abuse, in crass language, and in family dysfunction. The subtitle is 'A Catholic Girl's Memoir', but 'An Abuse Survivor's Memoir' might be closer to the mark.

A few years ago, I read a piece of a draft a woman was writing about her past; I don't remember the details, but I remem
...more
Charlie
Oct 23, 2010 Charlie rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: indie, memoirs
Simas attacks this memoir with unapologetic strength. The humor, pain and personality comes through in the written word. I felt I got to know and connect with Marie. Sure, sympathizing is common with memoirs, but getting a reader to laugh while at the worst, well, that takes a special creative talent. Don't get me wrong, nothing is funny about the serious issues presented, but humor brings relief. The message is about surviving, overcoming, talking and ultimately, in the end to change. Yes, thin ...more
Laura
Nov 29, 2013 Laura rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: non-fiction, kindle
This was one of my very first Kindle purchases when I was new to using it plus at 90cents how could I say no? The title of the book felt a little shocking but I must admit it piqued my interest instantly considering it's an autobiography (total sucker for them). This is the second time I started the book (as have most of my books on the Kindle) because of the amount of time that lapsed since reading it last..very well worth it!

Today I plonked myself down on the couch and didn't move until the la
...more
Mandy
Feb 11, 2011 Mandy rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: adult, memoir
I won this book and was totally excited to get it in the mail. AND it ended up being signed "Thanks Mandy, Marie" on the inside. Bonus!
With this title, I really expected it to be a lighthearted take on one's experience growing up in a conservative Catholic family. I literally laughed out loud during the first few pages, which outline some hilarious memories from Marie's childhood. As the book went on, the stories quickly went from lighthearted to disturbing, as she outlines pretty severe emotio
...more
Pam
Apr 03, 2014 Pam rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Not far into the book I was horrified to read of a family visit to Portugal and the details of restroom facilities or lack there of. I don't want to spoil it for anyone who might want to actually read this book. I'm shocked that I finished it myself. It was only 160 some pages long and I guess I was waiting for the promised humor but alas didn't find. I wouldn't recommend this book to anyone.
Angie
The title and the brief description of the book are a little misleading. Is it funny? There are moments when the author laughs at life or finds humor in otherwise unfunny situations.

The Goodreads description of "surprisingly funny" and "hilarious, uncomfortable situations" heavily glosses over the very real, brutally honest essays of spousal rape and child abuse in a strict Catholic home.

This isn't a book about religion or even the author's own relationship with religion but a peek into an abusi
...more
Kerry Meekins schwenker
This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here.
Charlene Quinn
Sep 21, 2016 Charlene Quinn rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
I bought this book needing some light relief from some of the things life has thrown at me recently.
It quickly became apparent that this was not in fact a comedy book, nor were there any funny parts in it.
It is a book about a young catholic girl/woman being abused all her life until she gets married. Some parts are stomach churning and pretty graphic.
I don't know why it's listed in the humour section or why it's described as being funny. The thought of anyone finding that funny are sick in my o
...more
Alyssia
Although this narrator is so very different in circumstance and lifestyle, all I kept thinking as I read was, "I know that feeling. I've been there." I was able, almost constantly, to empathize with the write, and I didn't feel that any of her accounts were fictional (although dramatized, of course). The reality of the book is what really struck me. It was poignant, heart-wrenching, funny, and occasionally, too close for comfort.
Crystal
Nov 08, 2011 Crystal rated it it was ok  ·  review of another edition
Like a few other reviews, I thought this book was going to be funny. Especially the way it started out with "ass towels and face towels". Although it wasn't as humorous as I was expecting, I still enjoyed reading it. My heart ached for her when she was a child and the beating she had to endure from her dirt bag dad. I'm glad she was able to see a good amount of positive and good in life and she ended up with a happy life.
Emily
Jun 24, 2011 Emily rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: funny, memoir, sad, non-fiction
Do Tampons Take Your Virginity is an interesting read. The end is probably the best part of the book - and not because it's the end. Simas gives a brutal examination of her childhood infront of a public audience. Her either gall or bravery is impressive, but at times very painful to swallow. Definitely worth reading, but not if you're looking for an uplifting read.
Celina
Apr 29, 2013 Celina rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Who touted this book as being funny??? What a misleading description because I only bought it for the chuckles...that never came. There's nothing funny about physical abuse or rape.

But her candor and vulnerability are appreciated. In the end, I would read it again. But don't be fooled, this isn't funny in the least. Tragic. Survival. Triumph.
Laura
Apr 10, 2014 Laura rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: true-story, kindle
This was either my first or second purchase on the kindle...It took me AGES to read the book. It wasn't bad but it wasn't terribly amazing either....You know how some books will stay with you even if it's been a while since you read it and then others just flutter away completely? Well, I'm sad to say but this book is of the latter.
Rachel
Nov 16, 2011 Rachel rated it did not like it  ·  review of another edition
Maybe 1.5. Expected humor...not at all. An extremely brash, ugly story of abuse. What I think was supposed to be comic relief didn't quite work for me. The ending was somewhat redeeming, though I'm still left unsure about the whole thing. Strange reading experience.
Rebecca
Was not what I expected. I did however enjoy this book, you just need to be able to over look the raunchy language. But all in all I liked it. It was accidentally put on to the kindle account lol
Velia
I could relate. Marie's story was deep and got me to think and give myself credit and confidence again for the decisions I made in my life. Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it.
Patti
Jul 22, 2011 Patti rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Marie is a good storyteller. I really enjoyed this book. I finished it in about 4 hours or so. Several parts had me laughing out loud.
Kathryn
May 14, 2012 Kathryn rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I borrowed the book from the kindle lending library. was a good read, though shocking at times. definitely not for the faint of heart.
Erika Krueger
Amusing and easy to read. The vignettes don't totally flow, but I still enjoyed it.
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4402439
I worked as a copywriter for many years, and finally started writing humor essays in 2008. I released my first book in 2009, "Do Tampons Take Your Virginity?"-- the book has done well in the UK (it was the bestselling Kindle humor book for over two months). I now write full-time. I live in Las Vegas with my family. Feel free to send me a message.
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“Human life is a passage - it's simply a crossing to somewhere else. Most people stay on the highway, but some choose to go off-road.

Don't ever be afraid to drive off the road and into the grass. You never know what you might find there. And don't regret your choices. We all make mistakes, and sometimes they'll be huge ones. But don't despair. In the long run you'll travel so far down the road that you won't be able to see those mistakes behind you. Just put one foot in front of the other, and you'll do just fine.”
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