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Struggle for Intimacy

4.1  ·  Rating Details ·  196 Ratings  ·  17 Reviews
Janet Woititz, mother of the recovery movement, sensitively addresses the barriers of trust and intimacy that children learn in an alcoholic family. She provides suggestions for building loving relationships with friends, partners, and spouses.
Paperback, 100 pages
Published August 1st 1986 by Hci (first published August 1st 1985)
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Jan 14, 2013 Allison rated it it was amazing
Recommends it for: Everyone - seriously
Recommended to Allison by: Spotted it on a shelf in the library
While I did not grow up in an alcoholic household, there was plenty of dysfunction to go around. I found this little book much more enlightening than I expected I would. I read quite a few "self-help" books and frequently I'm thinking, "yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah, blah." Well, for a change, I really feel like I've gained some insight, courtesy of this book.

I plowed right through it but I fully intend to re-read it several times before I return it to the library. Whether you are an ACOA (Adult
Mar 14, 2012 Sophia rated it liked it
What am i doing right now? Eating packets of taco bell hot sauce until my mouth feels like its going to act like the southern states in the civil war and run away by secession for a little while or something... best simile ever, right guys? Cuz that like so totally shows that I know like a lot about American History now that im blonde and all.

(that was in no way a metaphor for this book only getting 3 stars... js... for shizzle i'm serious)

Parts of this made me really realize how v
Jul 25, 2014 Akilah rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2014, alcoholism
Much like Adult Children of Alcoholics, this book was helpful for me to see the patterns in my life and know that I'm not alone/crazy. While Woititz says what an ACOA should change, she doesn't really give strategies for how to do that. But, you know, there are other resources for that. Still, great read, really informative and thoughtful.
Margot Note
"To be intimate, to be close, to be vulnerable, contradicts all the survival skills learned by Children of Alcoholics (COAs) when they were very young. Acquiring intimacy skills requires a complete relearning process and is, to say the least, a monumental task" (xiii).
Sep 15, 2014 Lisa added it
Sometimes you read a book that makes you want to build a time machine, so you can go back and read it 20 years ago. This is that book for me.
Oct 11, 2010 Brandy rated it really liked it
Great book for those that have grown up in an alcoholic home (or highly dysfunctional home) or for those that are involved with an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. This book explains why Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA's) behave the way they do in relationships, why they choose the types of partners and relationships they do and why they struggle with finding a sense of "normalcy" in a relationship. Having grown up in an alcoholic home, I found this book extremely insightful - I recognized a lot ...more
Mar 04, 2008 James rated it really liked it
Recommends it for: Anyone wrestling with relationship issues and any counselor, therapist, or social worker
This is kind of a sequel to the author's title Adult Children of Alcoholics. In this one, she focuses specifically on the challenges faced in romantic relationships by adults who were brought up by alcoholics or adults whose parenting abilities were inadequate for other reasons. Again, she vividly shows the kinds of problems that come up, explains their roots, and guides the reader in changing the patterns. A very useful book.
May 20, 2013 Ed rated it liked it
Not bad. It focuses on the relationship problems incurred by children of alcoholics. I am one, and understand the life-long struggle to be "normal". The information is accurate, but not all that new. My big take-away concerned my trust issues. This book was recommended to me, and the time is right for n=me to hear this.
May 14, 2009 Deena rated it it was amazing
I wish this was longer. I do like that she has a section on same-sex relationships, but she talks about fear of homophobia as part of a COA's psyche, which doesn't really apply to most queers I know. She also has a section on being the partner of a COA and the characteristics of COAs, which are both helpful.
Julie Coble
Jan 04, 2014 Julie Coble rated it liked it
Amazing how a book written 30 years ago can speak to me still. This is the third time I've read the book. It reminds me I still need to remember what makes ME who I am and how I've overcome much of the hurt from my youth. It is possible to find healing. :)
Sep 08, 2010 Olivia rated it it was amazing
Highly recommend this book. Fast, easy read. Chock-full of great information for how to establish trust, intimacy and have a healthy adult relationship. Recommended for anyone who desires a healthy relationship; ACOA or not.
Deborah Day
Jan 21, 2012 Deborah Day rated it it was amazing
This is a wonderful book for all Adult Children of Alcoholics. In a simple manner the author helps the ACOA understand the many difficulties they experience in achieving a healthy love relationship.
May 26, 2015 Kit rated it it was amazing
4.5 stars

Very glad I read this. it was nice to have my feelings and actions validated and to have behaviors that have always bothered me identified as a result of my childhood.
Oct 28, 2012 Bridget rated it it was amazing
Shelves: health-self-help
Very insightful book for Adult Children of Alcoholics, struggling to find their way through the minefield of this disease. As helpful as her Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Apr 04, 2011 Claire rated it it was ok
Shelves: non-fiction
Wasn't really a "fit" for me. Rather vague.
Gennaro Esposito
Jun 24, 2013 Gennaro Esposito rated it really liked it
Shelves: psychology
Great, helpful series that's aged very well.
Michelle Sweetland
May 23, 2012 Michelle Sweetland rated it it was amazing

Great book for ACOA's
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