What We Keep Is Not Always What Will Stay

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What We Keep Is Not Always What Will Stay

3.72 of 5 stars 3.72 · rating details · 92 ratings · 31 reviews

The Boston Globe named What We Keep is not Always What Will Stay a 2011 Best Book for Children The Bulletin of the Center for Children's Books named What We Keep is not Always What Will Stay to their 2011 Blue Ribbons list Angie never used to think much about God--until things started getting strange. Like the statue of St. Felix, her secret confidant, suddenly coming off...more

Paperback, 256 pages

Published June 8th 2011 by Flux

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May 26, 2012 Sarah Honenberger rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: anyone

Recommended to Sarah by: Virginia Book Festival

Although I generally like books I can savor, Amanda Cockrell’s first novel "what we keep is not always what will stay" was swallowed in one read. It was that good. And worth an immediate re-read. 15 year old Angie is heartsick over her mother leaving her stepfather. Her confidant is a statue in the basement of a local church, and just when she most needs advice, St. Felix starts talking back. Seamless, real, and moving, the story winds through high school corridors, neighborhood allegiances, and...more

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Aug 11, 2011 Bibliojunkies added it

This book peaked my interested when I stumbled upon a brief review in BookPage. The title's a mouth full, isn't it? Regardless, this story of a 15 year-old high school freshman girl who learns that her parents are divorcing and who confides all her thoughts to a statue is quite the sweet tale.

Angie is not your typical high school student. In fact, she’s one of the more confident teenage girls I’ve read. Her steady world is rocked when her mother decides out of the blue to divorce her very cool s...more This book peaked my interested when I stumbled upon a brief review in BookPage. The title's a mouth full, isn't it? Regardless, this story of a 15 year-old high school freshman girl who learns that her parents are divorcing and who confides all her thoughts to a statue is quite the sweet tale.

Angie is not your typical high school student. In fact, she’s one of the more confident teenage girls I’ve read. Her steady world is rocked when her mother decides out of the blue to divorce her very cool step dad. She doesn’t accept this easily and believes it’s just another phase her mom is going through. So Angie confides to St. Felix, a statue she found accidentally in the basement of her church. He's the ultimate listener (what statue isn't?) and she has revealed many of her personal secrets to him over the last few years.

One day, she discovers a homeless guy in the basement instead of the statue. After a dubious start, she becomes convinced that he’s St. Felix and continues to confide in him. Felix comes off as a soulful hippie who has obviously been through a lot in life (Vietnam War vet) and provides Angie with much-need perspectives about her parents’ relationship. Their interactions are very entertaining and he becomes an unusual mentor and protector.

As if she doesn’t have enough going on, at the beginning of the school year she befriends Jesse, a 19 year old who has returned home from Afghanistan to finish out his senior year. Jesse is an amputee who also experiences bouts of post-traumatic stress syndrome. The kids at school either look at him with awe or think he’s a freak. Angie and her best friend, the delightful and self-assured Lily, “adopt” Jesse.

Angie and Jesse eventually start secretly dating knowing that her family would disapprove of the age difference and the possibility that he may have some demons to fight. He comes to rely on her as his calming center and she genuinely feels that just the simple act of caring for him can help him heal. As she gets to know him she also sees how fragile he is. Her naivety initially leads her to think that she can help fix him. But after a very tense and ugly encounter where lines are crossed, Angie reluctantly realizes that she’s ill-equipped to handle Jesse's distress.

Angie’s struggles with the relationships around her are at times lighthearted and there were even moments that were laugh-out-loud funny for me. She’s already a smart girl to begin with but her growing maturity is endearing. She does quip at one point, “It is entirely possible that I am not at the center of the universe.” She questions the ramifications of war and the effects on the people who go and fight in the name of God. But don’t worry - the book doesn’t become a platform for pro or anti-war dialog even though she has those conversations with her family and Jesse.

Then there are also those serious moments when she acknowledges that there is no quick fix to people’s troubles especially when you can’t begin to comprehend the circumstances. “You have to let people be who they are, even when they’re damaged,” says Lily’s psychologist mother.

What We Keep is a smartly written book. Cockrell’s humor diffuses some of the more confusing moments. She also does an amazing job of including Angie’s Hispanic and Jewish heritages to show how Angie draws her strengths from them. And because of the supportive and inviting family that she has created for Angie, it’s easy to believe how she can so easily come to have compassion towards Felix and Jesse.

I can see myself reading this book again at some point and I've already blabbed about it to anyone who'll listen. So get a delicious beverage, find a quiet corner for yourself, get cozy and enjoy.

- Bel
(less)

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Jul 11, 2011 Rachel Bussel rated it 5 of 5 stars

I bought this book after reading about it on YA site [...] and was drawn to the plot point about a soldier returning from Afghanistan after having lost a leg, but this novel is about so much more than that, covering religion, family, divorce, love, devotion, PTSD and more. Angie's quest to find someone to confide in, whether a statue, her best friend, her stepfather who she lives with even though her mother has moved out, or Jesse, who clearly is battling demons, is one that is relatable. Cockre...more

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Oct 09, 2011 H rated it 5 of 5 stars

I loved this book. It is the story of Angie, a 15-year old girl who makes friends with Jesse, a boy who signed up for the army at 17, lost a leg in Afghanistan, and is now back in high school trying to finish up and graduate. At first, Angie and best friend Lily simply are nice girls who see someone who needs friends, but slowly Jesse begins to mean more to Angie. But Jesse is damaged, and Angie realizes that she simply cannot fix him. Angie is just impulsive and irrational enough to feel like a...more

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Oct 25, 2011 Anastasia rated it 4 of 5 stars

I wasn't sure about this book. I'll be honest I chose it because of the awesome Dios De Los Muertos art on the front. But it turned out amazing. Angie is a 15 year old who has all the problems a normal fifteen year old girl does. Stupid boys, her parents divorcing etc. She pours out her feelings to a statue of St. Felix in the basement of her church. She becomes friends with Jesse who is a 19 year old vet who lost his leg. She feels like she can help him and falls in love with him, until things...more

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Mar 31, 2012 Hana❀Joy rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: best-of-2011, the-best-of-the-best, books-that-made-me-bawl

So, so, so sad. And so full of important lessons. Girls that think Bella's relationship with Edward is anywhere near ok need to read this book. Absolutely perfect, I loved it.

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Nov 26, 2012 Demonic Circus Princess rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: beautiful-cover, better-than-expected, chosen-by-my-amazing-intuition, cool-side-characters, depressing, don-t-judge-a-book-by-its-cover, epic-climax, holy-chiz-where-did-that-come-from, makes-you-really-think, skeptism, sounds-like-me, stupid-decisions, unique

Note: This review is more based on how the book affected me and it's accuracy, rather than judging by the writing.

As someone who has been force-fed lessons all her life, I can honestly say that this book does it in the best possible way I've ever experienced.

Cockrell's very realistic teenager Angie Whatever-her-last-name-was is a witty and strong-willed girl going through a rough time with her parent getting divorced (again).... and the fact that her close confidant, Saint Felix the statue, is w...more

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Jul 02, 2012 Donna rated it 2 of 5 stars

Well, Soldier Boy has completely invalidated this entire book. Look, it's not 1941 and you have sixteen-year-olds bluffing their way into the military so they can go fight the good fight. The reality is no one without a high school degree or its equivalent is getting deployed. It just doesn't happen that way. So considering the entire basis of this story centers around Jessie going back to high school at nineteen to get his degree AFTER a deployment, it's pretty much screwed. Now this was either...more Well, Soldier Boy has completely invalidated this entire book. Look, it's not 1941 and you have sixteen-year-olds bluffing their way into the military so they can go fight the good fight. The reality is no one without a high school degree or its equivalent is getting deployed. It just doesn't happen that way. So considering the entire basis of this story centers around Jessie going back to high school at nineteen to get his degree AFTER a deployment, it's pretty much screwed. Now this was either one of two things on the part of the author: laziness a la SMeyer in not doing the research or willful omission to serve the plot. Neither, in my eyes, are good. Yes, you can enlist while still in high school. You can even go to boot camp between your junior and senior year. But once you graduate . . . let me say that again: ONCE YOU GRADUATE, your ass isn't going anywhere until you get the required training and THEN you get deployed. See, the military is a regular job. If it were listed in the classifieds it'd require a high school diploma or equivalent. They're not going to get anyone without some kind of degree into any kind of potential leadership position. I'd like to think they wouldn't let them around such heavy artillery either.

On top of that I'm not a fan of how PTSD was portrayed either. Just a little of my background, I'm the daughter of a Special Forces Vietnam veteran, the girlfriend of a twice deployed Army officer Afghanistan veteran and I have a slew of friends and family that fall into the category of Veterans of Foreign Wars. And I can assure you I have never once, ever, witnessed someone drop under a table because of a loud noise or flip the fuck out on someone because THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND. You see, people have a tendency of canonizing soldiers because of what they do. The thing is, soldiers are culled from regular people. What's mixed in with regular people? Douchebags. Thusly there are also douchebags in the military. The uniform or what war they fought in doesn't exonerate their douchiness.

So we have Jessie that's the Hollywood textbook example of PTSD (*shakes fist at Hollywood*) (when in reality PTSD is mostly more subtle but things like insomnia just don't drive enough drama) when it comes to flashbacks but he also spouts off random shit at Angie when she gives opinions on more political things. But he's been through a lot. He's a bit bi-polar too and towards the end of the book hints are dropped that he may have some kind of head trauma but it's never fully realized. And he's a bit of a would-be rapist as he tried to rip Angie's pants off of her while she fought him off. But she can't possibly call the cops because HE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY. *headdesk*

Jessie is a douche. Dick. Jerk. Fuckface. But every single character in this book excuses his actions because he's a vet and HE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. Even Angie as she had to kung pow her way away from a future rape kit in an emergency room excuses his actions because HE'S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. And this line of thinking is never remedied. The moral of the book is basically vets can get away with anything because THEY'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. Want to become a rapist? Then join the military and people will excuse you for it. NO. NO NO NO NO NO. Jessie is a dickbag. Period. I don't give a flying monkey's fart what he's been through. It doesn't give him the right to be a total dick to people. It doesn't give him the right to force himself on women. Oh . . . but . . . he might have had brain damage . . . MIGHT. Never realized. Never proven.

And the thing is as the reader you have NO IDEA what Jessie was like pre-war. No clue. He could have been a total nut job. His pre-war life is never discussed in detail except when Angie's mother mentions how nice of a guy he was. Yeah. People said the same thing about Ted Bundy. Next?

So even before Soldier Boy invalidated the entire premise, I wanted to light the book on fire for it's message. What's even worse, at the end Angie keeps a memento of Jessie to remember him by. DID YOU FORGET HE TRIED TO RAPE YOU? But he's been through so much . . . ^%%^(&$(^@@!

Bad message. Bad, bad, bad. People can have severe PTSD. Soldiers have come home and murdered their spoused because they found out they were being cheated on while they were deployed. That's why adultery is a felony in the military. It's a trigger for total shit lost. So yeah, some people can have pretty bad PTSD but thanks to Hollywood, this kind of dickbaggery is looked at as normal. It's not. Jessie is just a dick hiding behind PTSD as an excuse to act how he pleases. That's pretty much it. And people let him do it. Because he's been through so much.

Look, I don't care what uniform a person wears. If they're a dick, they're a dick. A uniform isn't going to absolve them of that. A soldier doesn't deserve to be canonized simply because they're a soldier. Because then you start canonizing douchebags like Jessie and it just gets ugly. Soldier Boy HATES people like this simply because they're usually faking it to mooch off the government. In his experience.

As for the rest of the book, I felt like I was reading a twelve-year-old's diary. It proved for a quick read but the language was scant, leaving nothing to the imagination. Angie kept wandering off into little tidbits of random information like the Jerry Maguire kid. I kept expecting her to spout off about the weight of a human head at some point. Most of her inane ramblings were irrelevant to the plot and more about her day to day life, hence the diary. It was pretty real in that it was as boring as a teenager's day-to-day life probably normally is but that doesn't really prove for good reading. A lot of the time she was a whiny brat nagging about getting her mom and step-dad back together or being schizophrenic about Jessie and her feelings for him. But I will give her credit: when he starts railing on her in public she does stand up to him. She tells him he's embarrassing her and won't speak to him because of his actions. But ultimately she gets suckered back in because he NEEDS someone and she's just that person to mend his broken self. Even after he tries to rape her.

Saint Felix, or the homeless guy that plays him, is somewhat the voice of reason in the whole story, dropping tidbits of advice throughout. He integrates himself in with Angie's family rather easily and personally I'd be a bit creeped out by it but okay. There are a few things that don't make sense here so what's one more? But even when Jessie goes completely bonkers he maintains his placid stoned hippie motif and just spits out veiled comments that merely allude to Jessie's overall troubles, like he's broken. No shit.

WHAT WE KEEP is an easy read but I found it more infuriating than not. I hated the message it portrayed and considering none of it could have actually happened my suspension of disbelief is blown. It's a contemporary. I'm supposed to be able to believe the major elements of the plot. If you want to make stuff up write a fantasy. Otherwise keep it real. Really.(less)

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Dec 11, 2011 Phoebe rated it 5 of 5 stars Recommends it for: Deborah, Telesa, Beckah, Nancy, Nanci, Jon

Shelves: realistic-fiction, ya, magical-realism

This is a stunning book and one of the best of 2011. (Also, the cover is fantastic.) 15-year-old Angie is caught in the middle when her mother leaves her stepfather, for reasons she won't disclose, other than to say Ben stole something she said and included it in his latest screenplay. Angie tells her troubles to St. Felix, a worn statue in the basement of her church, as she has done since age 9. Then she discovers the statue is gone from its pedestal, and instead, a man with an uncanny resembla...more

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Aug 25, 2011 Katie added it

No bad. Though I couldn't tell what tense it was in. In the begining i thought it was present tense, but then it switched to past. It kept going back and forth. It wasn't like she was telling the story from sometime in the future. The thing that makes the most sense is if it was in diary/journal format. If this is the case, then i think it shouls have been said somewhere.
Besides the weird formating, i thought it was a good book.

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May 29, 2012 Wendy rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: ya

In spite of its awkward title, this is quite a thoughtful, interesting book. I'd expected a comedy based on the reading I heard at the author signing, but even though there are some funny moments, overall it is deep and deals with some pretty serious issues, including divorce, war and PTSD. I really enjoyed the mix of cultures, with Mexican and Jewish influences. A good, quick read that should spur some interesting discussions.

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Mar 16, 2012 Lauren rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: own

What We Keep Is Not Always What Will Stay is another unique and heartwarming as well as heartbreaking contemporary read. Amanda Cockrell constantly presented an interesting twist in this one through St. Felix. I was never really sure whether or not he was something science fiction like or maybe just a small miracle. Either way, I just loved his character, because not only was he sweet and serene, but he helped Angie grow in some major ways. Angie's overall story in this one was quite interesting...more

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Jun 10, 2012 Ashley Clark rated it 3 of 5 stars

I picked this up because of the cover... I hope its good.

Ehhhh it was okay. i couldrelated to the caracther about god not watching and how many horrible things could happen to a family. i lost my grandmom then a month later an lunch couple months later i could have lost my daughter then when she was only a week old an aunt died.

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Dec 30, 2011 Mary rated it 4 of 5 stars

Picked up this book and could not put it down. Although it has the typical elements of a young adult novel with Angie a high school sophomore not accepting her parent's seperation it has a whole lot more about religion, love relationships and mental illness. I found it a very thoughtful read

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Feb 12, 2012 Katie Hauser rated it 4 of 5 stars

Shelves: ya-lit-dominican, emotional-health, family

I usually wouldn't pick this book up or read past the first few chapters. However, I am glad I stuck this one out. The book has more to it than I initially expected and I really enjoyed the developing story. Well not everything works out in the end of the book, some things do and that made me feel good about the read.

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Jan 15, 2013 Anne Broyles rated it 4 of 5 stars

Faith, divorce, families, war veterans, PTSD, and saints who may or may not come down off their pedestals--there's a lot to like in this debut novel as 15-year-old Angie tries to make sense of her world.

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Dec 06, 2011 Tisha rated it 5 of 5 stars

Shelves: teen, realistic

Loved this book - funny, poignant, serious, quirky - and thought the writing was a great instrument for presenting many thought-provoking themes, including religion and war.

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Feb 24, 2013 J. rated it 4 of 5 stars

Impressive YA novel about a sophomore in a relationship with a senior with PTSD. Relatable and poignant, if a little predictable.

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Jul 07, 2011 BCPL Youth Services Librarian added it

Shelves: romance

Click to see book in BCPL's online catalog

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Oct 08, 2011 Jennifer rated it 3 of 5 stars

Sweet, but wrapped up too nicely for me. (tho if it had been more realistic it would have been 1000 pages longer...)

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May 08, 2012 Megan (The Book Babe) rated it 3 of 5 stars

Shelves: reviewed-on-my-site

please read my review at thebookbabesreads.blogspot.com

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Dec 27, 2011 Black Words-White Pages rated it 5 of 5 stars

I gave this 5 out of 5* because it was a good book!!

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Jul 14, 2011 Roshini marked it as to-read

Shelves: dying-to-read

This sounds pretty good!

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Jan 18, 2012 Erica rated it 5 of 5 stars

i was surprise when i started this book. I thought it would be a love story but it really wasn't and i was surprise how deep it turn out to be, overall great book and very sad ending.

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Mar 02, 2013 Libraryqueen rated it 5 of 5 stars

Best book I have read in months...longer review when I am done processing it all.

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Mar 03, 2012 Kate McDowell rated it 5 of 5 stars

Brilliant story that manages to deal with religion in a complex and realistic way, within a multi-religious setting, while also tackling the aftermath of war.

BCCB BRs, fantasy/spirituality/realism mix

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May 29, 2011 Elaine Cristina rated it 2 of 5 stars

Shelves: work

It started out OK, even funny. Then it turned out to be another sad story... I'm getting loads of those to assess lately. What is it? A 'let's write sad stories' festival or something?

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Feb 07, 2012 Brigette rated it 5 of 5 stars

Excellent. Great story, well crafted, well written. Again, excellent. Wish I had read it sooner.

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Sep 28, 2011 Marcella Curry rated it 4 of 5 stars

easy to read story that delves into a variety of issues faced by a fifteen year old.

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Jun 14, 2013 Azza A. marked it as to-read

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About Amanda Cockrell

I grew up in Ojai, California, a wonderful place where you could ride your horse down Main Street and there was a hitching post outside the library. It was a bedroom town for Hollywood, full of writers and actors and directors, so there was always something going on, and famous people’s discarded trousers tended to end up in the local thrift shop. Ojai also had a branch office for every philosophi...more I grew up in Ojai, California, a wonderful place where you could ride your horse down Main Street and there was a hitching post outside the library. It was a bedroom town for Hollywood, full of writers and actors and directors, so there was always something going on, and famous people’s discarded trousers tended to end up in the local thrift shop. Ojai also had a branch office for every philosophical and religious movement to arrive in California since the 20s. I loved it and it became the template for Ayala, the setting for several of my books.

My father, Francis M. Cockrell, was a screenwriter, and my mother, Marian Cockrell, was a screenwriter and a novelist. I first began to write, badly, in high school, where I created characters that my high school English teacher, J. B. Close, of blessed memory, told me were shallow. He was, alas, right, and the rightness of his assessment was knocked into my head in creative writing workshops at Hollins College (now Hollins University) a school which had, and has, a wonderful writing program with the goal of teaching students to write like themselves, and not like the creative writing professor. (This is rarer than you would think.)

Since the only thing I actually do well is write, I have managed to make a living doing so in one form or another for most of my life. Besides my novels, I have written a lot of other things. I have written radio commercials for Custer’s Last Sandwich Stand, featuring the Singing Pickles. (“Oh, you must be a lover of your landlady’s daughter, or you don’t get a second piece of pie!”) I have written ads for panty girdles. I have written the text for a book of very bad paintings of California missions. I have written local history, book reviews, obituaries, wedding stories, and a paperback plantation saga under a name that will forevermore be secret. Also, I have received fiction fellowships from the National Endowment for the Arts and the Virginia Center for the Creative Arts.

I have a master’s degree in English and creative writing from Hollins and am currently the managing editor of that university’s literary journal, The Hollins Critic, and director of its graduate program in children’s literature. I teach writing and children’s literature.

I live with my husband, Tony Neuron, and a substantial assortment of dogs and cats, in Roanoke, Virginia.(less)

More about Amanda Cockrell...

Books by Amanda Cockrell

Daughter of the Sky (Deer Dancers, Book 1)

Wind Caller's Children (Deer Dancers, Book 2)

When the Horses Came (Horse Catchers Trilogy, Book 1)

The Legions of the Mist: A Novel of Roman Britain

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“that's becuase you're my angel. Angel by name, angel by nature.” — 2 people liked it

“Helen stood up., "Accept that the universe is an apparently random dance. There may be a pattern to it-I think there probably is-but we can't see it from where we are.You have to let the dance happen. You'll love some of it and hate some it.” — 2 people liked it

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